Comic Animals

A is for Alligator, who bathed in the Nile,
In a costume made up of a hat and a smile.

B is for Bears, who thought Bees were nice things
Till, stealing some honey, they found they had stings.

C is for Crane, whose new suit that he bought
From Fox doesn't fit, as a nice new suit ought.

D is for Deer, who said "Though they look queer,
These horns often come in quite useful, my dear."

E is for Elephant, crying, no doubt,
For something he's done, and he's just been found out.

F is for Fox, who says "So pleased to meet you!
I'm so fond of you, that I really could eat you!"

G's for Giraffe, who said "Coats I have got,
But I do want some collars--I wear such a lot."

H is Hippopotamus who ventured to skate,
But found that the ice wouldn't bear such a weight.

I is for Ibis, who felt very ill,
So she went to the Doctor and asked for a pill.

J is for Jaguar, who went out a-charing;
Of soap and hot water she never was sparing.

K is for Kangaroo, schoolmaster clever--
When they showed him the sum, he said "Well, did you ever!"

L, is for Lion, who cannot go out;
He calls it a cold, but I think it's the gout!

M is for Monkeys, who cookery learnt;
But while they stood talking the cakes all got burnt.

N is for Night Heron, of late suppers fond,
So, Froggy, you'd better hop home to your pond.

O is for Owls, getting ready for bed,
With candles all lighted, and night-cap on head.

P is for Penguins, who stare out to sea,
When dear Mamma Penguin says, "Come home to tea."

Q is for Quagga, whose child was her boast.
R is for Rhino, who said "Mine weighs the most."

S is for Sea Lion, who, up at the Zoo,
Delighted in wetting the spectators through.

T is for Tiger, who brought home a toy,
When he went to town, for his wee baby boy.

U is for Unicorn, performer so neat,
I've heard that his juggling quite brings down the street.

V is for Vultures, who went for a trip
To Scotland, on purpose to learn how to skip.

W's for Wolf, who cried "Bring us some more--
We're hungry enough to eat dinner for four!"

X is an animal without a name;
But when the crab pinches, I guess he'll exclaim!

Y is for Yak, who's a lover of pipes.
And

Z is for Zebra, who wears many stripes.

AVE you heard of the Animals' Trip to Sea?
What, never? Well, come, then, and listen to me,
And I'll tell in a while
How they went, in fine style,
For a trip in the good ship "Crocodile";
You shall learn what on board occurred,
And the things that were done and seen and heard.
The day that they saw the advertisement,
The Animals all nearly crazy went;
They bought the papers,
And cut such capers,
And all scurried off to the tailors and drapers.

For they said: "We must have new clothes, you know,
If in the proper style we want to go."
Excitement reigned on every hand
Throughout the whole of Animal Land;
They went to the stores,
In dozens and scores,
Till some couldn't even get in at the doors.

The Elephant had himself measured for suits,
The Giraffe bought collars, the Pig new boots
And Mrs. Hippo purchased a bonnet
Just come from Paris, with ribbons on it;
In fact, at the stores they were so busy
With taking the money they grew quite dizzy,
And on everyone's lip
Was the name of the ship
And the talk of the great Excursion Trip!
Next day Doctor Ape, with wondrous quickness,
Invented some pills to cure sea-sickness;
No sooner than made
He did a fine trade.

The Elephant for a whole trunkful paid;
While that artful Fox,
Who purchased a box,
Just took them straight off, to guard against shocks.
The Lion bought lots for his aunts and cousins;
The Giraffe came as well, and took some dozens:
Sea-sickness with him was past enduring,
His neck was so long, it took lots of curing.
The Mouse and the Bear
Came hurrying there,
For the Animals' Great Sea Trip to prepare.
The next thing they did was to start the packing,
To take care that nothing at all was lacking;

And everything then was bustle and rush:
The Cock brought his comb, the Fox his brush;
Sea-boots and straw hats,
Condensed milk--for that's
The best thing at sea for kittens and cats.
The Elephant's trunk was of use, no doubt,
For that he could hardly go without--
'Twas so full, to shut it he sat upon it,
And spoilt Mrs. Hippo's new Paris bonnet!
Each one, small and great,
Rushed round in a state
Of hurry and flurry, early and late.
Well, somehow or other the time went past,
The packing of boxes was done at last,
And now Mrs. Hippo has called the Bears

To carry her new trunk down the stairs.
They stare at the sight,
For it's none too light,
And crash, it comes tumbling down one flight;

One Bear is puffed and the other disabled,
While she cries aghast: "Can't you see it's labelled?"
Young Hip gives a yell,
For on him it fell,
And how they will get it out none can tell;--
But it's done at last--there's Fox at the door:
Good-bye; we're off to a foreign shore;
Oh, dear, what confusion and agitation!
All Animal Land is off to the station.
Some travel by 'bus,
Without any fuss;
The Monkeys cry: "Come in a dog-cart, like us!"

The Lion a smart motor-hansom is taking;
The Bear on his cycle good speed is making;
Some walk and some ride,
While Hippo's inside
A cab, and most of its springs are breaking!
It's worry and scurry
And scramble and flurry:
"We are sure to be late if you don't hurry;

So drive your hardest, for we shall find
We cannot go if we're left behind!"
The start was noisy, the station is worse;
The Lion is mad: he has lost his purse!
Picture his rage and his children's grief,
Until they found the Fox was the thief!

All rush and all run To the gate, everyone;
Some have tickets and some have none.
The Monkeys climb up the Giraffe to get theirs!
"This way for the 'Crocodile,' down the stairs!"
The porters are calling,
And the children squalling,
For everyone's bumping, pushing, and bawling;
There's such a crush, the wonder to me
Is how they'll ever get to the sea.
Down on the platform, oh, what a din!
The Bears are putting the luggage in;
The smoking-carriage is quickly cramming,
The bell is ringing, the doors are slamming.
"Make haste, make haste!
There's no time to waste!"
(The ladies all in one carriage are placed.)
"Yes, that's your train,
I tell you again!"
The noise is enough to turn one's brain.
"Out of the way there!" porters call;
At last they're packed in, great and small;
The engine puffs and the whistle blows,
And off the Great Excursion goes.
The next thing was the getting on board;
The wind it blew and the rain it poured,
And oh! the dismay
When the bridge gave way,
And several tumbled in, they say.

Now, as it happened, 'twas just as well
That some of them in the water fell,
Because the raft could then be kept
For those who perhaps had overslept;
The Elephant had stopped his trunk to pack;
The Bear's new watch was all wrong, alack!

The Tortoise slow,
As all might know,
Was sure to be late an hour or so;
And Mr. Pig was too fat to run:
He had to stop for his youngest son.
Above the squall they heard the call,
So all went for that Trip after all.

Alas! when they were hardly a mile
From shore on the crowded "crocodile,"
The boat up and down began to go,
The sea turned rough, and the wind did blow.
Each took a pill--
Some two--but still,
In spite of that they were all so ill!
They called for the steward, Tommy Seal,
Who waited on them with the greatest zeal.
The Lion was sick and the Hippo too;
The Zebra cried: "Throw me over, do!"
The Elephant he
Cried: "Oh, dear me!
This dreadful wibbly, wobbly sea!"
At last they came to an island fine,
And then the sun began to shine;
The sea grew calm, and in a minute
Everyone went out bathing in it.
The Hippo's costume was too small by half,
Which made the Lion giggle and laugh.
The Bear a fuss made, Till the Elephant played
Sea-water upon him for being afraid!
The Tiger a life-belt wore all around him,
"In case," he said, "so much water drowned him."

The Wolf and the Lamb
Together swam,
And everyone said: "How happy I am!"

Life on board ship was such delight,
They gave a splendid dance one night;
The Monkeys danced, and so did the Pig;
The Elephant's feet, though, were so big,
He trod on the Lion's tail, making him roar.
One day, when Mr. and Mrs. Bear
Were taking a nap in a nice deck-chair,
"Good gracious, it's going to rain," cried he;
"Please fetch my new mackintosh for me!"
But when quite awake, he looked around:
The Fox was laughing at him, he found;
He rubbed his nose: "I know, it's those
Young Monkeys at mischief with the hose!"

"Land ahoy!" cried the Seal next day,
And there it was, not far away;
Up the rigging the Monkeys ran:
"We'll see it first, if anyone can!"
When, all of a sudden, they ran aground,
And, wading ashore on stilts, they found
The rest of all landed safe and sound.
Some with a sigh, and some with a smile,
Said good-bye to the "Crocodile,"
All pleased as could be,
And, 'twixt you and me,
That's the end of the Animals' Trip to Sea.