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Title: Love at a Venture
Date of first publication: 1761
Author: Susanna Centlivre (1667-1723)
Date first posted: June 22, 2017
Date last updated: June 22, 2017
Faded Page eBook #20170640

This eBook was produced by: Delphine Lettau
& the online Distributed Proofreaders Canada team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net




Love at a Venture.

A COMEDY.

By

Susanna Centlivre




THE PROLOGUE.


  _Lest any here shou'd blame our Author's Toil,_
  _For strolling with her Brat a Hundred Mile,_
  _By me to such, She does this Reason give,_
  _Seeing how many Men by Ventures live._
  _She straight embark'd, and hoisted Sail to try,_
  _What pure good Nature in these Bottoms lye._
  _Beside, she hop'd, she might divert you too,_
  _By adding to your Pleasures something new._
  _The Virtue of these Baths had ne're been known,_
  _If o're these Hills, no Man had ventur'd down._
  _Here Doctors Venturing, come in Hopes of Fees,_      }
  _And Patients Venture, on their Skill for Ease,_      }
  _For Wealth, the Merchant Ventures on the Seas._      }
  _The Lawyer Ventures upon any Cause,_
  _The Venturing Client's beggar'd by the Laws._
  _The Lover Ventures, to Address the Fair,_            }
  _With broken Speeches, and dejected Air,_             }
  _She runs a Venture, who relieves his Care._          }
  _The Gamester Ventures, to improve his Store,_
  _And having lost, he Ventures on for more._
  _The London Punk, in Garret shut all Day,_
  _At Night, with last Half-crown she Ventures to the Play._
  _The Amorous Cully meeting with the Miss,_
  _Ventures at Water-Gruel for a Kiss._
  _Since every Man, Adventures in his Way,_
  _Hither our Author Ventur'd with her Play._
  _And hopes her Profits will her Charge defray,_
  _If that bright Circle Ventures to adorn her Day._




THE EPILOGUE

Spoken by Miss JACOBELLA POWER.


  _In Spight of dull insipid Rules, I'm come_
  _To learn what Fate attends my Virgin Bloom._
  _Strange Things I've heard this Night, that makes me fear,_
  _Least I shou'd find such Entertainment here._
  _You Men are grown so witty in Deceit,_
  _That We, poor Girls, are often ruin'd by't._
  _'Tis Pity----but I hope to cross this Play,_
  _And be reveng'd on you some other Way._
  _Well----but consider, We are tender Things,_
  _That Innocence, and sprightly Beauty brings._
  _Soft Accents, broken Words, and yielding Air,_
  _Are all the Weapons, that attend the Fair._
  _And can you long resist, the sweet Temptation,_
  _Give us at least a Bill of Reformation._
  _That the succeeding Age may say of you,_
  _You dare be Civil, tho' you can't be true._
  _But if at last no Charms have Power to win ye,_
  _You're past Repentance----or the Devil's in ye._

  [Runs off.}




Dramatis Personæ.


MEN.

  Belair, _a Gentleman just come from Travel, an Airy Spark_.
  _Sir_ William Freelove, _Friend to_ Belair, _in Love with_ Beliza.
  _Sir_ Thomas Belair, _Father to_ Belair.
  _Sir_ Paul Cautious, _a Whimsical, Desponding, Old Fellow_.
  Ned Freelove, _younger Brother to Sir_ William.
  Wou'dbe, _a Silly, Projecting Coxcomb_.
  Positive, _Father to_ Camilla.
  Robin, _Servant to_ Belair.

WOMEN.

  _Lady_ Cautious, _Wife to Sir_ Paul, _and Sister to Sir_ William.
  Beliza.
  Camilla, _Cousin to_ Beliza, _a great Fortune_.
  Patch, _Maid to_ Beliza.
  Flora, _Maid to_ Camilla.




LOVE AT A VENTURE.




ACT I.


SCENE _Sir_ Paul Cautious's _House. Sir_ William Freelove's _Apartment_.

     _Enter_ Belair _and_ Robin, _meeting Sir_ William.

_Belair._ Oh Sir _William_, I am so transported, I cannot speak in the
common Strain of Mankind.

Sir _Will._ And pry'thee, _Belair_, What occasions this Transport?

_Bel._ Had'st thou been my profest Enemy all thy Life, and done me
as much Mischief as the _Turk_ in _Hungary_, or the _French_ in
_Flanders_; if thou'lt but help me now, thou woud'st make Amends for
all--such a Creature! such an Angel!

Sir _Will._ What Visions! Apparitions?

_Bel._ Cou'd I but hope to see her once more, I'd change the happiest
half of my Life for that one Moment.

Sir _Will._ If you please to descend from your high-flown Raptures, and
walk Hand in Hand with my Understanding.

_Bel._ You'l lead me to her. [_Hastily_.]

Sir _Will._ Ha, ha, ha, what, before I know where she is----you wou'd
be landed at your Port before you have taken Shipping, or told the
Place you design for.

_Bel._ Pho; you know all my Designs.

_Robin._ When a Woman's concern'd. [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ Are extravagant----you have more Intrigues upon your Hands,
than a handsome young Poet on the Success of his first Play----like a
Dog in a Herd, you run at all, and catch none, because you run with
such ungovern'd Heat, you spring the Quarry before you can draw your
Net.

_Bel._ But if I miss Sitting, I commonly hit 'em Flying--but this is
nothing to the Purpose; the Lady, Man, the Lady----

Sir _Wil._ Ay, the Lady; what of her?

_Bel._ Which I saw last Night----Oh, such a Creature!

Sir _Will._ At what Window?

_Bel._ Such a charming Air.----

Sir _Wil._ What House was it at?

_Bel._ As much Youth as wou'd serve to recover half the decay'd Faces
in the Town.

Sir _Will._ What Street?

_Bel._ Wanton as a Nun, yet look'd demure as a Quaker----

Sir _Will._ Z'death, where, where, is this rare Creature to be seen?

_Bel._ Then her Features, Sir _William_! Oh, such Features: she is
the most perfect Piece in the World----her Shape clean and easy----a
profuse Quantity of dark brown Hair--and such a Complexion, as the Gods
form when they design a Miracle of Beauty.

Sir _Will._ Nay, since you will have your own Way, I'll strike in with
you----a charming high Forehead.

_Bel._ Ay, and such a Mouth----

Sir _Will._ Sparkling black Eyes----

_Bel._ And such a Cast----

Sir _Will._ Such Dimples in her Cheeks----

_Bel._ Ay, ay, Rapture, Rapture.

Sir _Will._ Ah, he's got above the Clouds already--when you have
recover'd your Senses, _Belair_, you may be fit for Conversation; I
have a little Business to dispatch----and must beg your Pardon----

_Bel._ Thou wilt not leave me.

Sir _Will._ Why, what Service can I do you?

_Bel._ You must assist me in the Management of this Affair.

Sir _Will._ What Affair? Who is she? Where did you see her?

_Bel._ Why, when I left you last Night, I took a Boat resolving to go
up the River for a little Air, when the luckiest Occasion presented to
make me the happiest Man living.

_Rob._ I have known a hundred of these lucky Occasions; in a Month's
Time the most unlucky Occasions, that ever Man had. [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ What was it?

_Bel._ A Lady designing to land at _Whitehall_ Stairs, stepping short
from the Boat, fell into the Water, I jumpt in after her, caught her in
my Arms, and brought her safe ashore.

_Rob._ Who cou'd have believ'd he shou'd be burnt in the Middle of the
_Thames_ now.

Sir _Will._ What's her Name?

_Bel._ I know not, she enquir'd mine, and where I liv'd; gave me a
thousand Thanks, and promis'd I shou'd hear from her.

Sir _Will._ Well, and what can I do for you?

_Bel._ I'll tell you, I must have Lodgings in this House, for here I
directed her; told her my Name was _Constant_, tho', Faith, _Belair_
was at my Tongue's End; but you know my Reasons for concealing my Name,
least my Father hear I'm in _England_, before I'd have him, and force
me to marry the Woman he commanded me Home for, which, for ought I
know, may be ugly, old, ill-natur'd, foolish, conceited, vain, and so
forth--at least, I shall think her such, because of his chusing--I like
no Caterer in Love's Market--

Sir _Will._ You shall have these Lodgings to oblige you, good Mr.
_Constant_--but what have you done with the other Lady you told me of
Yesterday; you was then dying for her?

_Bel._ Faith, I like her still----but t'other, t'other, is a perfect
Venus----

_Rob._ Pray, Sir, what is your Name to her? I shall certainly forget
all these Names.

_Bel._ Colonel _Revel_, you Sot.

_Rob._ Just come from where. Sir?

_Bel._ From _Portugal_, Blockhead.

_Rob._ And----are you an----Officer too in t'other Place with your new
Amour; Co, co, co, con, pray, Sir, do me the Favour to tell me your
Name to this Incognita once more?

_Bel._ _Constant_, Coxcomb.

_Rob._ And what are you, Sir, pray, what are you?

_Bell._ An _Oxfordshire_ Gentleman: remember that, Sirrah, come up to
Town about a Law-Suit.

_Rob._ Yes, Sir--Colonel _Revel_ just come from _Portugal_,--Mr.
_Constant_, an _Oxfordshire_ Gentleman, come up to Town about a
Law-Suit.----Very well, I have it now, Sir, I warrant you.

Sir _Will._ Well but do you think to manage both these Intrigues with
Secresy.

_Bel._ I do; and in order to't, I'll keep my own Lodgings, that are
known to the other, and these for my Incognita, and I'll engage to play
my Part with both.

Sir _Will._ To what Purpose?

_Bel._ Why, since my old Dad will have me marry, I would willingly
chuse for my self; now, you must know, I design to take my swing of
Love and Liberty----if, in the Chase, I chance to meet one that can fix
me, her I'll marry; till when I'll, like the Bee, kiss every Plant,
and gather Sweetness from every Flower----Youth is the Harvest of our
Lives, Sir _William_.

Sir _Will._ Well, in my Conscience, Travel has given thee a large
Assurance.

     _Enter a Servant._

_Serv._ Here is Mr. _Wou'dbe_ to wait on you.

_Bel._ Who's he?

Sir _Will._ The Projecting Coxcomb, I told you of Yesterday.

_Bel._ What, he that mimicks thee in his Cloaths?

Sir _Will._ The same----now, for hard Words, and soft Sense; bring him
up. [_Exit Servant_.]

_Bel._ I'll not stay----I expect a Message from my t'other Mistress at
my Lodgings; I'll send a Night-Gown, and a Suit of Cloaths hither;
and _Robin_ shall wait to call me, if my Fair unknown sends----Oh the
Pleasure of Intrigue; it finds Employment for every Sense, sharpens the
Wit, and gives a Life to all our Faculties.

  _When pal'd with one, another still supplies,_
  _Thus different Women give us different Joys._
  _Beauty in one; in t'other Wit we find;_            }
  _In this a Shape, in that a spacious Mind;_         }
  _But Change, dear Change, thou Life of human Kind._ }
  [_Exit_.]


     _Enter_ Wou'dbe.

_Wou'd._ Dear, Sir _William_, my Stars are superabundantly propitious,
in administring the seraphick Felicity of finding you alone.

_Sir Will._ Oh, Mr. _Wou'dbe_----spare me, I beseech you----

_Wou'd._ My Soul's inhabited; or, rather canoniz'd, with an Alacrity to
see you.

_Sir Will._ I know not how his Soul's inhabited; but his Head might
pass for a Colony, in _Greenland_, it is so thinly Peopled. [_Aside_.]

     _Enter_ Ned Free-Love.

_Ned._ Brother, good Morrow; Mr. _Wou'dbe_, yours.

_Wou'd._ Sir, I am most obsequiously your Servant.

_Ned._ What Gentleman was that I saw go out just now?

Sir _Wil._ A Friend of mine, who, for some Reasons, I have promis'd
this Apartment to; I hope Sir _Paul_ won't be alarm'd; I think 'tis
best not to let him know it, if he does not find it out.

_Ned._ Much the best, for he'll ask so many impertinent Questions about
him, and be in such a Fright, he'll call in half the Parish to watch
with him----Who is the Gentleman?

Sir _Will._ If you remember, I told you, when I was in _Spain_, a
Gentleman rescu'd me from the Hands of Ruffians, when I was set
upon in the Night; this is he, and ever since we have held a strict
Friendship----Perhaps he may have kill'd his Man, I know not; he
desires Privacy----and I am bound, in Honour, to give it.

_Ned._ Doubtless----What's his Name?

Sir _Will._ Constant.

     _Enter Servant_.

_Serv._ Sir, the Taylor has brought home your Cloaths.

Sir _Will._ Bring him in.

_Wou'd._ But, Sir _William_, pray, how do you like my Way of
greeting----I never want Words, you see----I hate those dull Rogues,
that have no better Expressions at meeting their Friends than, dear
_Jack_, how is't?

     _Enter Taylor, and Sir_ William _dresses_.

Meer Fustian----ha! What do I see? Another Suit----and, upon my
Veracity, a charming one----I must put down the Trimming exactly, I
shall obliterate half else. [_Takes out a Book and writes_.]

_Ned._ Our _English_ Tongue is much oblig'd to you, Mr. _Wou'dbe_.

Sir _Will._ Is it not too short Mr. _Measure_? [_To the Taylor_.]

_Tayl._ Not at all, Sir.

_Wou'd._ The Suit my Taylor is making, is the very same Colour; I'll
send, and have it trimm'd exactly like that. [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ How do you like my Fancy in this Suit, Mr. _Wou'dbe_?

_Wou'd._ Sir _William_, I reverence the Sublimity of your Fancy----If
mine be not done by Play-time, I'll break my Taylor's Head, and never
pay the Bill. [_Aside_.]

_Ned._ But what new Discoveries have you made lately, Mr. _Wou'dbe_;
Never a Project, ha!

_Wou'd._ Yes, Sir, I am going to erect an Office for Poetry.

_Ned._ How! An Office for Poetry?

_Wou'd._ Ay, Sir, where all Poets may have free Access, paying such a
Moiety of their Profits, and be furnish'd with all Sorts of refin'd
Words adapted to their several Characters.

Sir _Will._ The Poets will be very much oblig'd to you truly, Sir.

_Wou'd._ I think so----hark ye, I'm upon another Project, which you'll
not guess for a Wager?

Sir _Will._ No, really, Mr. _Wou'dbe_; 'tis not in my shallow Capacity,
to fathom the Profundity of your Wit.

_Wou'd._ Oh, Sir _William_, such accumulated Kindness will bankrupt
my poor Acknowledgements----Profundity of your Wit----spoke like a
Gentleman, and a Scholar----thou art expensively obliging, therefore
I will communicate----tho' it is not grown to a full Maturity,
yet----'tis this----for the Good of the Public, I am contriving how
to save the Charges of Hackney-Coaches; the Rascals are so saucy,
especially to Ladies, there's no enduring them; I resolve to destroy
their Constitution.

_Ned._ As how, pry'thee?

Sir _Will._ They are the most necessary Things in the World; a
Hackney-Coach carries us from one End of the Town to the other in a
Trice.

_Wou'd._ Ay, Sir _William_----but my Project carries 'em quicker----and
without going out of their Houses.

_Ned._ That's a Stratagem, indeed, beyond my Comprehension.

Sir _Will._ If you can do that, Mr. _Wou'dbe_, you need not fear a
Patent; the Ladies will be all of your Side.

_Wou'dbe._ They will have Reason, Sir, for they may dress, patch,
paint, drink Tea, or play at Piquet, all the while they are going to
the Play-house----Is not this an excellent Project?

Sir _Will._ Excellent, indeed; but, pry'thee, how is it?

_Ned._ Ay, ay, how is it, you must deal with the Devil certainly.

_Wou'd._ No, without his Help, I assure you, 'tis all my own----this
individual Brain contriv'd it----were I known at Court, I shou'd be a
great Man----a most magnificent Man.

Sir _Will._ Oh, this Project, Sir, will do your Business.

_Wou'd._ I know you are impatient for the Secret; you are my Friends,
or I'd not impart a Matter of this Consequence.

Sir _Will._ I hope you don't doubt our Secresy?

_Wou'd._ Not in the least----to convince you, 'tis this, I'll make the
Streets to move.

_Ned._ Ha, ha, the Streets move! Pry'thee, how wilt thou do that?

_Wou'd._ Oh, by Clock-work, Sir.

Sir _Will._ By Clock-work? What make the solid Earth move by Clock-work?

_Wou'd._ Ay, Sir----I affirm that's possible----You mistake, the Earth
is not solid; read but _Baker_'s Chronicle, and you'll find a whole
Field walk'd ten Mile in Queen _Bess_'s Days.

_Ned._ But not by Clock-work, Mr. _Wou'dbe_.

_Wou'd._ Humph----ha----I can't be positive in that, but----if it
can walk at all----why can't it be made to walk by Clock-work----but
in a Month's Time I shall be able to answer that, and all other
Objections----For, you must know, Yesterday I began my Study, in
order to search out the Curiosity of every Country, Language, Art and
Science----you shall hear how I have canton'd out the Day----I rise
about five, my first Hour is laid out upon Law----'tis fit a Gentleman
shou'd understand the Laws of his Country, tho' I hate the confounded
Study, 'tis so crabbed----At Six, I read a Lesson of Greek----at Seven,
one of Hebrew----Eight, is for Italian----Nine, for Spanish----Ten, for
French----Eleven, Astronomy----Twelve, is proper for Geometry, then the
Sun Beams are perpendicular----

_Ned._ Excellent, ha, ha, ha.

_Wou'd._ At One, I dine----then repose an Hour for Digestion----at
Three, I study Physic----, that, if I'm poison'd by the Vintners,
I may not be kill'd by the Doctors----at Four, Logic----at Five,
Philosophy----at Six, Husbandry----that when my Father dies, my Steward
and Tenants mayn't cheat me.

Sir _Will._ A politic Thought----

_Wou'd._ Hawking, hunting, fishing, fowling, at Seven----Architecture,
at Eight----for to understand the Art of Building, is of mighty
Consequence towards raising a Man's Fortune, you know,----Nine, for
Poetry, in Honour of the Nine Muses----because I love the Ladies
Company towards Bed-time----Thus, in a Month, I hope to become Master
of all these Things; how like you my Rules, Gentlemen, ha?

_Ned._ Oh, wonderfully, ha, ha.

_Wou'd._ Well, Poetry is one of the noblest Parts of the
Mathematics--but we have such Factions now on Foot, that Music has
put Poetry quite out of Tune--but that Suit--I must to my Taylor
immediately. [_Aside_.]

_Ned._ But, Mr. _Wou'dbe_, the Town say you are much in Beliza's
Favour----you won't rival my Brother, will you?

_Wou'd._ Not I, upon my Soul----but does the Town really say so?

_Ned._ Why shou'd I tell you so else?

_Wou'd._ Nay, the Elegance of my Fabric, has titulated the Imagination
of many a fine Lady, I assure you.

Sir _Will._ Ha, ha, ha, the Fool believes you.

_Wou'd._ Where do you dine, Sir _William_?

Sir _Will._ With my Sister _Cautious_.

_Wou'd._ If _Beliza_ likes me----I'm a happy Mortal; I'll make some
Advance, and give her to understand I'm not inexorable. [_Aside_.] I'll
rendezvous you at the Portal of her Apartment after Dinner; your most
obsequious-- [_Exit_.]

_Ned._ He took particular Notice of your Cloths, Brother; I'll venture
a Guinea, the next Time he appears, he's equipt to a Hair, if either
Money or Credit be in his Power; ha, ha, ha.

Sir _Will._ I believe that, but I'll give him enough on't if he
is--'tis the most whimsical Coxcomb I ever saw.--

_Ned._ Well, but how goes it between you and _Beliza_, Brother?

Sir _Will._ I begin to doubt a Rival there, but who, I can't find
out----She is grown indifferent of late, often abroad, and seldom in
Humour, when at Home; if there be a Favourite in reserve, let her take
Care to conceal him, for Faith, I have suck'd in the _Spaniard_'s
Jealousy with their Air, and shou'd breath a Vein without Scruple----

_Ned._ Well, if ever I be in Love----of all Passions which agitate the
Mind of Man----grant I may never be infected with Jealousy.

Sir _Will._ Thou prayest against the only Thing that gives Love a
Relish.

  _Love like to luscious Meat will Surfeits breed,_
  _And hurt the Stomach which they're sent to feed._
  _Without a Grain of Jealousy apply'd,_
  _Your Appetite, your Health, and Life's destroy'd._      [Exit.]

_The_ SCENE _changes to_ Belair's _Lodgings_.

     _Enter_ Belair _meeting Mrs._ Patch.

_Bel._ I foresee this Day, Mrs. _Patch_, will be a lucky Day----the
Sight of thee----

_Patch._ Will not please you, I dare be positive, my Lady can't see you
to-day, being oblig'd to go abroad.

_Bel._ Oh, propitious Disengagement----Now, if my Incognita does but
send---- [_Aside_.] I'll wait for her return, let it be never so
late----

_Patch._ Not to Day, sweet Sir----your Love runs on Wheels----Pray,
more softly, Sir.

_Bel._ This Girl's very pretty, I never minded her so much
before----Harkye, Child, I will come, if I miss thy Lady, thou shalt
keep me Company.

_Patch._ You are merry, Sir.

_Bel._ I must be so, when I am near any Thing----belonging to
_Beliza_----Methinks I entertain her whilst thou art near me.

_Patch._ I can't tell how you mean it, Sir----but I assure you, as fine
Gentlemen as yourself, have paid their Devotions to me, before now----

_Bel._ Why not? he must be insensible, that to so much Beauty cannot
warm. [_Kisses her_.]

     _Enter_ Robin.

_Rob._ Why, the Devil's in my Master----egad, I shall starve with
him in Love's Kitchen, for he engrosses all Sorts of Flesh, I find.
[_Aside_.]

_Patch._ Not so close, I beseech you, Sir. [_Pushing him away_.]

_Bel._ I protest my Heart feels a thousand Emotions for thee----

_Patch._ Pray stop your Emotions, Sir----and don't load me with your
Heart, for I have so many already I don't know where to put 'em,
without choaking one another.

_Rob._ She need never fear that, he'll not stay so long.--

_Bel._ I protest it is a Pleasure to look on thee----

_Rob._ He does not love to be idle, I'll say that for him; but I bring
him Employment and must disturb him--Sir.

_Patch._ I am not surpriz'd at that--for I take Pleasure to look on my
self, and generally do it a thousand Times a Day.

_Rob._ Sir,--Sir,--Sir.

_Bel._ Ha! has she sent? [_Aside to_ Robin.]

_Rob._ The Maid stays for you, Sir.

_Bel._ Oh! Transport--run--fly, let every Thing be ready for my Change
of Dress, I'll be there in an Instant--I wish this Girl were gone.

_Rob._ So, the Tide's turn'd already--Why, what a hurrying Life's this
I lead. [_Exit_.]

_Patch._ Well, what more fine Things, Sir.

_Bel._ Nay, I see you don't believe what I have said already--and an,
an----pish pox----how shall I get rid of her----

_Patch._ You are out of Humour, Sir, I hope, I----

_Bel._ No, no, no, no, Child, I, I, I,--what the Devil shall I
say--this is the most unlucky Accident.

_Patch._ What is, Sir?

_Bel._ A good Hint--why, my Man tells me there is a Friend of mine
wounded in a Duel, and desires me to bring a Surgeon immediately--so
dear little Rogue, excuse me, this Kiss to thy Lady, and tell her
_Revel_ lives not in her Absence----if this don't do't, I shall go
distracted, that's certain---- [_Aside_.]

_Patch._ Nay, I have done my Message, so your Servant. [_Exit_.]

_Bel._ So, now for my dear unknown----Let me see, what am I?--ho, a
Country Gentleman--I must restrain my Humour--a little Gravity will be
necessary to adorn that Character--besides, the Invention's new, and
gives the Intrigue the greater Gusto----

  _To gain my Point, I'll every Art improve,_
  _All Policy's allow'd in War and Love._      [_Exit_.]




ACT II.


Beliza's _Lodgings_.

     Beliza _and_ Camilla.

_Beliz._ And you are really in Love with this Stranger, Cousin?

_Cam._ I fear so, _Beliza_.

_Beliz._ To what Purpose?

_Cam._ To no Purpose at all, without thy Help.

_Beliz._ You are assur'd of me----but pr'ythee, in what can I help
thee? You neither know who he is, nor what he is----he may, for ought
you know, be a Wretch unworthy of your Esteem.

_Cam._ Impossible----I tell thee he's a Country Gentleman, which the
Term brought up to Town on Business.

_Beliz._ Then how are you sure he is not married in the Country?

_Cam._ Start no Objections, I beseech you--I am sure he is not
married----he did not look as if he was.

_Beliz._ Well, suppose he is what you'd have him be, you know your
Father has dispos'd of you, and I'm afraid won't be prevail'd upon to
alter his Mind.

_Cam._ Ay, there's the only bar to all my Wishes; why shou'd our
Parents impose upon our Inclinations, in that one Choice which makes us
ever happy, or ever miserable?

_Beliz._ 'Tis an unjust Prerogative Parents have got, from whence I see
no Deliverance without an Act of Parliament.

_Cam._ If thou art my Friend, _Beliza_, I may chance to cross my
Father's Design, without the Help of the Senate.

_Beliz._ I confess I am a Well-wisher to Disobedience in Love
Affairs----there's my Hand, instruct me how I may be serviceable.

_Cam._ Thus: I have sent _Flora_ to give him an Invitation hither.----

_Beliz._ Hither!----to my Lodgings; 'tis well I sent Colonel _Revel_
Word I shou'd not be at home. [_Aside_.]

_Cam._ Yes, I hope you'll forgive the Liberty I have taken, I was not
willing he shou'd know mine, till I had your Approbation of him.

_Beliz._ But how if my Lover, Sir _William_, shou'd happen to come, who
is grown a perfect _Spaniard_ since his Travels, and has of late been
apprehensive of a Rival, tho' from what Cause I know not----the Country
Gentleman wou'd be in Danger, I assure you.

_Cam._ To prevent his being seen, I have order'd him to be brought
in the Back-way----he is yet a Stranger to every Thing that concerns
me----he neither knows my Name nor Family----nor shall he, if you
approve him not; therefore, after I have thank'd him for the Service he
did me, I'll give him to understand I have a Relation whose Judgment I
rely on----and from her Mouth he must receive his Hopes, then I'll call
you in and retire.

_Beliz._ You have a very good Opinion of me, Cousin.

_Cam._ I have so.

     _Enter_ Flora.

_Flo._ He waits your Pleasure, Madam.

_Cam._ Bring him in----Cousin, you'll be at Hand.

_Beliz._ In the next Room. [_Exit_ Beliza.]

     _Enter_ Belair, _gravely drest_.

_Bel._ This is an Honour so much above my Merit, Madam----that I
receive it with Confusion, and shall be uneasy till you inform me how I
may return this wonderous Favour----I am caught by _Venus_: What Eyes
are there.

_Cam._ Rather instruct me, Sir, how I may return the Obligations I have
to you; they are no common Ones--you purchas'd my Life at the Hazard of
your own, and it shall be the Business of that Life you sav'd (if ever
ought falls within my Power) to serve you.----Oh, my Heart. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ On that kind Promise will I build my Hopes; nay, I will rely
upon it----and now, Madam, I must declare that it is in your Power
to over-pay the Hazard you have mention'd; the only Woman I could be
content to take, for Better for Worse, I ever saw; egad, I'm upon the
very Precipice of Matrimony, if she consents. [_Aside_.]

_Cam._ Gratitude obliges generous Souls----then be assur'd, and
ask----pray Heaven his Designs be honourable----that he asks the Right.
[_Aside_.]

_Bel._ 'Tis done, faith, [_Aside_.] your Heart--I fear you'll think I
am too bold in my Desires----but you commanded me to speak----and I
durst not tell you a Lye--yourself wou'd have discover'd it, for your
beauteous Image is drawn so lively in my Breast, that you are Mistress
of every Thought, and every Wish about it.

_Cam._ My Soul tells him, thro' my Eyes, (I fear) that his Request is
granted, [_Aside_.] I confess you have surpriz'd me, Sir, and I know
not well what to answer you; only this----were I free to dispose of my
Person, with my Heart, your Services shou'd not go unrewarded.

_Bel._ Ha! what say you, Madam! your Words shake me like an Ague
Fit--you are not--(forbid it Heaven) married?

_Cam._ Not married.

_Bel._ Nor vow'd against it?

_Cam._ Neither--but I've a Father to whom my Duty must submit, without
his Leave I measure not a Foot of his Estate, tho' I'm his only Child.

_Bel._ Let him keep it then,--if Love had any Power o'er your
Soul----or had I Charms to wound like you, this wou'd be no Obstacle.

_Cam._ You have too many, and I find my Heart but too inclining--were
it possible, but my Duty----

_Bel._ Oh, Extasy! I shan't contain myself [_Aside_.] it is, it shall
be possible----give me to understand your Father, Madam, that I may
apply myself to him; if Avarice affects him, and Wealth be his only
Aim, I am Heir to an Estate, perhaps, as large as he can wish.

_Cam._ But how are you sure your Father will consent; and why wou'd you
hazard his Displeasure for a Stranger, Sir?

_Bel._ The Estate's intail'd, he cannot hurt me there, and here I must
be happy, or not at all----may I not know your Family?

_Cam._ Yet you must not.

_Bel._ Why shou'd you deny me----Is it not in my Power to know----Can I
not enquire when I go out, whose House this is?

_Cam._ Without any Benefit by it----for these are a Friend's Lodgings,
whose Judgment I esteem, you shall consult her; if she approves it,
perhaps, you may know mine before Night--Who's there?

     _Enter_ Flora.

Desire _Beliza_ to walk in----

_Bel._ Ha! Did she not name _Beliza_? I hope it is not that _Beliza_ I
know----if it shou'd, I'm in a fine Condition---- [_Enter_ Beliza _and_
Patch.] by ill Luck--the very She--what the Devil shall I do? [_Aside_.]

_Cam._ Cousin, this is the Gentleman I'm so much oblig'd to----Mr.
_Constant_, this is a Relation of mine.

_Beliz._ What do I see? Colonel _Revel_ here----

_Pat._ Ay, 'tis even he.

_Bel._ There is no Excuse to be made now--thou never failing Power
of Impudence assist me. [_Aside_.] I must honour every Thing that's
related to you, Madam. [_Salutes her_.]

_Beliz._ How grave he is in this Disguise--picques me, methinks, tho' I
had no Design upon him.

_Pat._ How sober he looks----

_Cam._ This is the Friend I refer you to, Mr. _Constant_.

_Pat. Constant!_--Yes, he is constant with a Witness.

_Cam._ What she promises, I'll confirm. [_Exit_.]

_Bel._ I'm in a hopeful Way, faith----Egad I'm so confounded, I know
not how to look--but I'm resolv'd to carry it off, and persuade her
I'm not the Man. [_Aside_.] Madam, I'm oblig'd to my Stars; however,
tho' they conceal the Family, and Name of her I adore, they give me
an Opportunity of knowing her second Self, you being made so by the
strictest Bonds of Friendship----This is the hardest Talk I ever went
thro', by _Jupiter_. [_Aside_.]

_Beliz._ I don't wonder that you know me----but I am surpriz'd at your
Impudence.

_Bel._ This is the first Time I was ever accus'd of that by a fair
Lady: Wherein have I incurr'd your Displeasure?

_Beliz._ Pray, Sir, do you act this Part upon a Wager, or do you think
I have lost my Senses--very pretty, truly--

_Bel._ A Wager.--Part--and Senses----What do you mean, Madam?--Oh,
mischievous Encounter. [_Aside_.]

_Beliz._ Colonel _Revel_ can inform Mr. _Constant_ of my Meaning.

_Bel._ Colonel _Revel_! Who's he?----A Pox of the Name. [_Aside_.]

_Pat._ So he don't know himself----

_Beliz._ You don't know such a Man as Colonel _Revel_?

_Bel._ Not I, upon my Word, Madam----

_Beliz._ Well, such an Assurance I never saw, and do you think this
will pass upon me?

_Bel._ I hope so, [_Aside_.] I protest, Madam, I can't guess what you
aim at----

_Pat._ Were I in your Place, Madam, I'd have him tost in a Blanket.

_Bel._ Well said, Mrs. _Patch_: Egad, wou'd I were well out of their
Hands. [_Aside_.]

_Beliz._ Lookye, Sir, your Declaration for my Cousin concerns me not;
for from the First, to me you appear'd as indifferent as now----But if
you think to impose upon my Understanding, you'll draw my utmost Malice
on your Head.

_Bel._ And I need no more----for the Malice of a Woman exceeds the
Devil's. [_Aside_.] Your Rallery is very pleasant, Madam, but very
different from what I expected--for I confess I am a Stranger to your
Meaning.

_Beliz._ Oh, you shift your Shape so often, you may easily forget--an
excellent Contrivance, to take as many Names as you make Mistresses.

_Pat._ Consult your Pocket-Book, Sir; and you'll find your name was
_Revel_ two Hours ago----

_Bel._ This is a new Way of treating Strangers, Madam; Do you call this
telling me the Secrets of the unknown Fair? This will make the prettied
Novel in the World---- [_Aside_.]

_Beliz._ The Secrets of the unknown Fair; yes, she shall know your
Secrets, I promise you, and who you are--believe me, your Affairs are
done with her; you shall neither know her Name, nor Quality.

_Bel._ Recal that Sentence, Madam; or, let me fall a Sacrifice, to
your supposed Resentments----never to know my lovely, dear Incognita
is Death, with all the additional Racks _Barbarians_ e'er invented, to
separate Soul and Body. I begin to grow perfect in my double Art, I
find. [_Aside_.]

_Beliz._ This is the most bare-fac'd Impostor I ever saw. [_Aside_.]
Really, now in my Opinion, Colonel, you act the same Person too
long--Come, come, pull off the Mask, and I'll forgive you, ha, ha.

_Bel._ That Wheedle shan't take, I'm in, and must go thro' it.
[_Aside_.] Mask, Madam! by all the Pangs of Love I feel for your
beauteous Friend, I wou'd wear no Disguise to any Thing that belongs to
her----

_Pat._ Well, was I my Lady, I'd have that Tongue pull'd out of your
Head.

_Bel._ Pray, Madam, who is that pretty Enemy? is she Friend, or some
Relation?

_Pat._ Do, do, seem ignorant, poor Devil--you don't know me; not long
since, you knew me for this Lady's Maid, and lik'd me well enough, to
think me worth a Compliment.

_Beliz._ Make Love to my Woman! Pray, Sir, what Name wou'd you have
taken to her, ha, ha.

_Bel._ You are in a pleasant Humour, Ladies, I hope I shall find the
Benefit of it; to my Knowledge, I never saw any of you till this
Hour----This is a Master-piece of Art, to face down two Women at once.
[_Aside_.]

_Pat._ Nay, if I had believ'd all he said to me, I shou'd have
registered him amongst my Lovers. That is not true neither.

_Bel._ As the rest--Poor Gentlewoman, I pity thee; pr'ythee get Advice,
before thy Frenzy increase too much.

_Beliz._ So, you'll persuade us we are mad by and by--and you don't
bear a Colonel's Commission, and have not been in _Portugal_ with
_Charles_ the Third?

_Bel._ No, upon my Honour, Madam--My Name is _Constant_, born in
_Oxfordshire_, and come up about a Suit in _Chancery_; and know this
Colonel no more than you know me; if you please, I'll give you my Oath
on't----which I can do without Perjury, that's my Comfort. [_Aside_.]

_Beliz._ A pleasant Quibble, ha, ha.

_Pat._ This Story has cost you some Pains----

_Bel._ I wish I cou'd see this Gentleman which you take me for: Can
you believe I cou'd be so base to make Love to another, if once I had
presum'd to mention it to you--your Charms are full Security against
such Proceedings; I am concern'd, that Nature has made any Resemblance
between us: I shall hate myself for being like him.

_Beliz._ Well, whether you will, or you will not be him, it is the same
Thing----provided you'll tell him, that I suffer'd his Addresses only
for my Diversion, and that I never had any Passion for him, but loath,
detest, and hate him.

_Bel._ Tell him----where shall I find him?

_Beliz._ I have done, and desire you'd know your Way out.

_Bel._ I wou'd not willingly disobey a Lady; but here, Madam, you must
pardon me, since my future good or ill depends on you; I cannot stir
from hence, till I obtain your Promise to assist my Suit, and give me
hopes that I, at last may know my beauteous Fair.

_Beliz._ Ha, ha, ha, all that I can say, Colonel, is, that you are very
unlucky in this Affair, not but you counterfeit to a Miracle; but the
Mischief is, that I have all my Senses, can see Colonel _Revel_, hear
Colonel _Revel_, and understand Colonel _Revel_ too well to solicit his
Cause, I assure you.

_Pat._ There's your Answer, Sir,----and if you please to follow me,
I'll shew you a Way out better known to you than that you came in by.

_Bel._ Pray, good Mrs. _Civility_, be not so hasty--give me leave, at
least, to see your Cousin before I go Madam.

_Beliz._ To what End, pray?

_Bel._ To convince you of your Error.

_Beliz._ That's the hardest Task that you ever undertook, Colonel, and
not to be effected; therefore, once more I tell you, you have seen your
last of her, and your Absence wou'd oblige me.

_Bel._ 'Tis very hard, Madam, that because Nature has made me resemble
another Person, who may, for ought I know, be a Man of Honour too, tho'
unhappily under your Displeasure, I shou'd have the ill Fortune to
suffer for Nature's Fault.

_Beliz._ That wou'd, indeed, be unjust----but I shall not be prevail'd
upon to believe Nature in the Fault here; therefore pray retire, the
Scene is long enough, 'tis time to change it; good Colonel don't oblige
one to treat you below your Title.

_Pat._ Don't you understand my Lady, Sir?

_Bel._ Yes, yes, Madam, but too well; and if I must go without the
Satisfaction I expected, let me implore this Favour; tell her, I die
hers. [_Exit_.]

_Pat._ And every Body's, I dare swear, in his turn.

_Beliz._ This Man is the very Epitome of his Sex; the compleatest
Juggler I ever saw: I protest his Assurance has put me quite out of
Countenance.

     _Re-enter_ Camilla.

_Cam._ Well, how do you like him, Cousin: Is he not a charming Fellow?

_Beliz._ I think not.

_Cam._ Pish! I know you do.

_Bel._ Indeed I don't; and if you knew as much as I, you wou'd think
him as ugly as I do.

_Cam._ Ugly! Can any Mortal think that Man ugly? But pr'ythee, what
have you discover'd----won't you tell me?

_Beliz._ Yes, if you promise to make right use on't.

_Cam._ What do you mean?

_Beliz._ That your pretended Lover is a Villain.

_Cam._ How! Pray, Cousin, explain yourself within the Rules of good
Manners.

_Beliz._ He deserves it not.

_Cam._ I don't understand you----and the Introduction grows tedious--of
what do you accuse Mr. _Constant_?

_Bel._ In the first Place, his Name is not _Constant_, but _Revel_.

_Cam._ How know you that?

_Beliz._ From his own Mouth.

_Cam._ When?

_Beliz._ A Week ago.

_Cam._ Where?

_Beliz._ Here in this House.

_Cam._ In this House, how came he hither?

_Beliz._ Upon his Legs, I think.

_Cam._ On what Business, pray?

_Beliz._ Much upon the same Errand--Love.

_Cam._ Love! to whom?

_Beliz._ To your Friend and Servant.

_Cam._ Ha, ha, ha, now I find your Drift----you like him yourself,
and this is an Artifice to blast my good Opinion--'tis poorly done,
_Beliza_.

_Beliz._ No, my Constitution is not so warm as yours--remember you took
Fire in the middle of Water; I despise him.

_Cam._ We never despise indifferent Things----I little expected this
from a Friend.

_Beliz._ If you'd have the Friend continu'd, don't provoke me to return
Suspicions, Cousin.

_Cam._ Don't you provoke me, by traducing of the Man I love--he has not
been in Town two Days, and you'd persuade me he has made Overtures of
Love to you a Week ago.

_Beliz._ If I don't prove this is Colonel _Revel_, lately come from
_Portugal_, and been in Town this Fortnight, and made me several Visits
under Pretence of Courtship _A-la Mode_, I'm content to forfeit both
Friendship and Estate.

_Cam._ How shall it be prov'd? 'Tis sure impossible.

_Beliz._ Write to him, and tell him what I have confirm'd; desire him
to come hither to justify himself, if he expects any farther Favours
from you--at the same Time I'll send for him by the Name of _Revel_,
and appoint him here also, if there appear two Men exactly the same,
(as I am sure they are) then I'll own myself in the Wrong, and ask your
Pardon; if not, you shall mine.

_Cam._ Agreed, I'll in, and write to him this Moment; pray Heaven there
be two Socia's. [_Exit_.]

     _Enter Sir_ William.

Sir _Will._ I am pleas'd.

_Beliz._ That's more than I am, I assure you, Sir _William_.

Sir _Will._ To find you alone, I meant, Madam; I am not surpriz'd at
your being out of Humour, for I have seldom found you in it of late,
the Reason of which I'm yet to learn, not being conscious of having
given you any Cause, except the truest Passion that e'er possess'd the
Heart of Man be one.

_Beliz._ Sometimes, and in some Persons it is so; but from whence you
derive your Suspicions, I can't imagine.

Sir _Will._ From your excessive Coldness----for some Days past, I have
beheld such a Reserve in all your Carriage to me, very different from
what it us'd to be, and I begun to fear your Heart had entertain'd some
new Amour.

_Bel._ I hope he has not discover'd this Impostor, he could not meet
him, sure. [_Aside_.] You have no Reason to doubt my Sincerity, Sir
_William_; I am not subject to fall in Love, I may venture to say, you
hold the greatest Share in my Heart.

Sir _Will._ That's kind--but this thin airy Diet of Hope and
Expectation, _Beliza_, starve those which feed on't--will you not admit
me to the Banquet of Possession----when shall I receive from this Hand
the Confirmation of those Lips. [_Kisses her Hand_.]

_Beliz._ When I can bring my Heart to a Resolution, Sir _William_, of
quitting all these little innocent Pleasures a single Life permits, you
shall have timely Notice for a License.

     _Enter_ Patch.

_Pat._ Madam, your Cousin _Camilla_ desires one Word with you.

_Beliz._ Pardon my leaving you in my own Lodgings, Sir _William_, some
Affairs of my Cousins, who is lately come to Town, press me at present;
I shall come to Cards at Lady _Cautious_'s in the Evening. [_Exit_.]

Sir _Will._ I'll not fail being at home----there's something more in
this than I can fathom; I resolve to watch her narrowly, if I have a
Rival, and 'scapes me, I forgive him. [_Exit_.]




ACT III.


_Sir_ William's _Lodgings_.

     _Sir_ William _meeting Lady_ Cautious.

Sir _Will._ In tears, Sister, what's the Matter?

_Lady._ What shou'd be the Matter, but my Husband? that doating, old,
disponding Wretch, whose Fears, Mistrusts and Jealousies, is enough
to distract any Body, still doubting Providence, and fearing every
Wind----yet you are so far from pitying my Condition, you add to my
Misfortunes, by making my Confinement stricter, under Pretence of the
Honour of our Family--I hope I'm of Age to know how far that concerns
me.

Sir _Will._ Ay, Sister, but the Wife that is displeas'd with the
Husband--and the Husband that does not please the Wife, are always
in Danger----she of liking some Body else--and he of being a
Cuckold----now, while there is such a Probability, the Honour of our
Family requires a Guard.

_Lady._ Why was I marry'd then to that I cannot love?

Sir _Will._ My Father knew his Reasons, doubtless, Sister.

_Lady._ Yes, and I know 'em too----Sir _Paul_ took me without a
Fortune, by which yours is the greater, yet the Consideration has no
Weight with you; it pleases you to see your Sister condemn'd to the
idle Fancies, and whimsical Mistrusts of this impertinent Dotard; he
is so apprehensive of Death, that he allows a Surgeon a Hundred a Year
perpetually to attend him, and wou'd not set a Step without him for
a Thousand--nay, he lays in the same Chamber----just now he fancied
himself call'd three Times, which he takes for an Omen of his Death,
pray Heaven it prove so--and has sent for twenty People to watch by him.

Sir _Will._ Ridiculous Folly--but you must bear with it, Sister; he is
old----

_Lady._ That's the worst Argument under the Sun, for a young Woman to
bear with. [_Aside_.] Pray, Brother, what Gentleman is that which you
have oblig'd with these Lodgings?

Sir _Will._ Ha! has she seen him--Why do you ask?

_Lady._ Is it a Crime to ask who is in my own House?

Sir _Will._ Yes, if they are not in your own Apartment--'tis not
Modesty in your Sex to inquire after ours--now I foresee my Error too
late, in letting him have these Lodgings--How came you to know there
was a Man here?

_Lady._ I must not say, I have seen him-- [_Aside_.] my Woman brought
me Word, there was a Stranger dressing himself, when I sent her this
Morning, to ask if you wou'd not drink some Chocolate with me.

Sir _Will._ Then you did not see him yourself?

_Lady._ No.

Sir _Will._ I'm glad to hear that, for he is Libertine enough to engage
her.

_Lady._ But suppose I had, where had been the Crime?

Sir _Will._ Nay, no Crime, Sister----only I wou'd not have you
affronted; therefore, pray take care not to come near this Apartment,
for he hates the Sight of Women.

_Lady._ That's false, to my Knowledge--for he said the softest Things
to me that Love cou'd form; [_Aside_.] say you so, Brother? an
unpolished Brute, I hope he is not to continue long here?

Sir _Will._ Only, for two or three Days.----

_Lady._ Oh, my Heart--so short a Stay. [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ Ho, here he comes, retire Sister.

_Lady._ I must see him again----tho' you prevent me now; if I don't
break through this Constraint, say, Woman wants Contrivance. [_Exit_.]

     _Enter_ Belair _and_ Robin.

_Rob._ Why then, this prov'd a confounded Mistake, Sir, but were it
possible you cou'd not know the House again?

_Bel._ How cou'd I, when I was convey'd the back Way into an Apartment,
where I never was before; the cunningest Man alive, might have been
deceived, as well as I----but the Gift of Impudence is a wonderful
Gift; ha! Sir _William_, I did not see thee.

Sir _Will._ I believe not, Love and Variety clouds thy Sight, but what
is the Disappointment you speak of?

_Bel._ I am an unlucky Dog, that's all----I fell into the Company of
both my Mistresses, at once.

Sir _Will._ This 'tis to have more Intrigues than one can manage, ha,
ha, ha; and how did you behave yourself.

_Bel._ Faith en'cavalierement--I stuck close to the Name of _Constant_,
and my Incognita--for I like her best.

_Rob._ Till he sees somebody he likes better. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ And swore I never saw t'other, in my Life, nor never heard of
the Name of _Revel_----but was as down-right a Country Gentleman, and
made Love as gravely, as ever a Squire of 'em all.

Sir _Will._ And did the Imposition pass?

_Bel._ Not without Scruple----but I'll undertake to make myself two
distinct Persons, as clear as the Sun at Noon-day, if thou'lt assist me.

Sir _Will._ How? for the Frolick's sake, I care not if I do----

_Bel._ Then, as I have Occasion, you shall receive Instructions, I want
a Messenger in my Interest.

Sir _Will._ That I can procure you--but to what Purpose.

_Bel._ You shall know in Time--I shall want thy personal Appearance too.

Sir _Will._ You shall want nothing, in my Power--but pr'ythee do you
like either of 'em well enough to marry?

_Bel._ In my Conscience I think I cou'd be content with the Noose, if
my Incognita's Family be answerable to her Beauty----

_Rob._ Nay, if he grows honourably in Love, I may hope for some rest at
last. [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ Why will ye not quit the other then?

_Bel._ T'other is related, and a Friend--if I deceive her not, she'll
maliciously spoil my Intrigue; besides, 'tis a pretty Amusement,
and the Design so Novel, that I must pursue it for the Pleasure of
Invention, and I think it possible to perform; we have seen two People
so very like, that when absent they cou'd not be distinguish'd from one
another.

Sir _Will._ But if the Faces wore Resemblance, the Voice or Shape
discover'd it.

_Bel._ But a good Assurance solves all that.

_Rob._ Why, Sir, if the worst comes to the worst--that they will
both have you--why e'en marry them both, keep one for yourself, and
t'other to entertain your Friends--or, if you please, Sir,--to do you a
Service, I don't care if I take one of 'em off your Hands.

Sir _Will._ Then you'l venture to rely upon your Master's Choice, ha,
ha, ha.

_Rob._ Ay, Sir, sooner than ere a Man in _England_; my Master has
tasted so many of those Dishes--that I dare trust to his Palate.

_Bel._ You are witty, Rascal, ha! Who have we here, thy Mimick.

     _Enter_ Wou'dbe, _drest like Sir_ William, _and_ Ned
     Freelove.

_Wou'd._ Well, I have surpriz'd some Ladies, strangely, that stop'd
their Coach, and call'd out Sir _William_, Sir _William_; and when
I turn'd back, and they discover'd their Mistake, they blush'd
intolerably, ha, ha, ha. [_Aside to_ Ned.]

_Ned._ Nay, your Dress is exactly the same with his; the Mistake was
very easy.

Sir _Will._ Mr. _Wou'dbe_, your Servant.

_Wou'd._ Surprizing! another Suit!

_Bel._ Ha, ha, ha, what a Consternation you have put him in!

_Ned._ What's the Matter with you, Sir? This Minute you look'd as
gay, and pleasant as the Month of _June_, and now it is _December_ at
least--he has discover'd you, Brother.

_Wou'd._ Most beatifically exprest, and worthy of Quotation.

     _Takes out a Pocket-book and writes_.

_Bel._ I presume, Sir, you are examining, what Assignations fall out
this Hour, that you may not disappoint the Ladies.

_Wou'd._ No, Sir, I am taking Cognizance of the Gentleman's Wit.

_Bel._ I hope you are not one of those Spungy-brain'd Poets, that suck
something from all Companies to squeeze into a Comedy, at acting of
which, the Pit and Boxes may laugh at their own Jests.

_Ned._ Where each may claim his Share of Wit.

_Bel._ And by my Consent, shou'd claim a Share of the Profits too, ha,
ha.

_Wou'd._ This is a Gentleman of an intellectual Sublimity----No, Sir,
I contemn the terrene Extraction of those poor Animals, whose barren
Intellects thrusts such spurious Brats abroad; when I write, it shall
be all my own I assure you.

Sir _Will._ Oh, Mr. _Wou'dbe_ can never want Assistance of that kind.

_Wou'd._ What shall I do with these Cloths! I wou'd not give a Farthing
for 'em, now he has left 'em off----and that's ten Times the prettier
Suit in my Opinion--Well, he is the most genteel Fellow in _Europe_.

     _Enter_ Robin.

_Rob._ Sir, Sir, the Incognita's Maid, Sir, has brought you this
Letter, and stays for an Answer.

     [_Gives him a Letter_.

_Bel._ Ha! Reads--_My Cousin has a strange Opinion of you, and nothing
but your Personal Appearance immediately can prevent my giving Credit
to her Story; make Haste, if you expect any farther Favours from your
Incognita_----any farther Favours! Yes, I do expect farther Favours, or
I'd never take half this Pains--Let me see. [_Pauses_.]

_Wou'd._ I wish'd I cou'd sell this Coat----I shall never indure the
Sight of it, that's certain. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ Hark ye, Sirrah, do you tell the Maid, I'll not fail the
Summons----and do you hear, follow her at a Distance, till you see her
Hous'd; if she goes to _Beliza_'s, do you ask to speak with _Beliza_'s
Cousin, and tell her you left me in the Street talking to somebody, but
that she might not think me long, I sent you before; be sure you make
no Blunders, Sirrah.

_Rob._ I warrant you, Sir, Lying is become my Vocation; but, Sir, what
Name, Sir?

_Bel._ _Constant_, you forgetful Blockhead.

_Rob._ Ha, I have it, the Country Gentleman, Sir----

_Bel._ Ay, ay, away. [_Aside to_ Robin.] [_Exit_ Robin.]

Sir _Will._ What, another Billet-doux?

_Bel._ 'Tis from my unknown--now for thy Assistance.

_Wou'd._ What Contrivance shall I have for such a Dress--my Rogue of
a Taylor will not trust, that's certain. Let me think----that won't
do--nor that----ho, I have it----

     _Takes out his book and writes_.

_Bel._ This Messenger must be had immediately, Sir _William_.

Sir _Will._ I'll procure you one instantly.

_Bel._ Then I'm Master of my Art.

_Wou'd._ Sir _William_, I recommend that to your Perusal [_Gives him
the Tablets_.] If this Project takes not, I'm undone---- [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ What's this [_Reads_.] _We whose Names are here subscrib'd,
do promise to make our Personal Appearance in the Side-Box, the third
Day of a new Play, either Tragedy, Comedy, Farce, or Opera, that shall
be written by_ Timothy Wou'dbe, _Esq; and play'd at one of the Houses
or both, as the Players can agree about that, on Forfeit of a Guinea,
which we have deposited in the Hands of the Author_.

_Ned._ Ha, ha, ha, a pretty Contrivance for another Suit.

_Bel._ This is new, indeed, ha, ha, ha.

Sir _Will._ I love to encourage Ingenuity, he has flung away many
a Guinea after me, now I'll give him one--pray enter me down Mr.
_Wou'dbe_.

_Wou'd._ Let me intreat your own Hand, for the Incouragement of others.

     [_Sir_ William _writes_.

_Bel._ I'll not be out at a Frolic, there's mine, Sir.

Sir _Will._ There, Brother, enter your Name too---- [_Gives_ Ned _a
Guinea_.]

_Ned._ Ha, ha, with all my Heart there is _Belvil_, _Loveil_, and
_Freewit_--you may depend on Mr. _Wou'dbe_.

_Wou'd._ I'll wait on 'em incontinently.

_Bel._ But when is this Play to be writ, Sir?

_Wou'd._ That I must consider on, Sir; too many Things at once destroy
the Thought, and dull the Fancy.

_Ned._ But suppose it shou'd not live till the third Day, the Town is
very capricious.

_Wou'd._ I know it, Sir, for that Reason I took this Method; when
their Gold is at Stake, they'll bring in their Bodies, to save
their Bail----egad, I shan't have Money enough--Let me see----I'll
sell these Clothes, to make it up----Gentlemen, I'm your most
oblig'd---- [_Exit_.]

_Ned._ Ha, ha, ha, he is upon the Wing, with his Subscription, I'll
follow, and see if he goes to their Lodgings. [_Exit_.]

Sir _Will._ Now, for thy Business, _Belair_, where shall I find you
half an Hour hence?

_Bel._ Here, for I must now dress me.

Sir _Will._ Very well. [_Exit_.]

_Bel._ So, thus far I'm right----now for half an Hour's Respite from
the Fatigue of Business----egad, I wish the pretty Creature, I saw in
the Morning, wou'd fall in my Way--who the duce is she, I wonder--no
Matter who, she's handsome--and that's Knowledge enough, to recommend
her----Ha! here she comes by _Jove_.

     _Enter Lady_ Cautious.

_Lady._ Here he is! a charming handsome Fellow----what Excuse shall
I make?--ha--I thought Sir _William_ had been here--Sir, I beg your
Pardon----

_Bel._ He's just gone out, Madam, he's a happy Man to have so much
Beauty in Quest of him.

_Lady._ Beauty's an Epithet your Sex never fail to make Use of to raise
our Vanity, when present, but the Object once remov'd, you soon recall
your Praises.

_Bel._ Sometimes, Madam, good Manners produce Adulation; but here
Flattery dares not show her Face, your Charms are so conspicuous, they
need no Art to inform your Knowledge, nor I no Cunning to inslave
myself; I am chain'd already, your Eyes at first Sight reduc'd me,
and the short Moments which we pass'd this Day together, made such an
Impression on my Heart, that I have thought of nothing since but how to
see you again.

_Lady._ Oh! how his Words run thro' my Soul----alas, Sir, to what
Purpose shou'd you see me, I am married.

_Bel._ Good----

_Lady._ Wretchedly married.

_Bel._ Better and better--wretchedly married, say you?

_Lady._ Wretchedly----to an old peevish desponding Wretch.

_Bel._ As I cou'd wish----her Dislike of her Husband is my first Step
to Possession---- [_Aside_.]

_Lady._ Forc'd by my Friends to wed him, by which all my Happiness in
this World is lost.

_Bel._ Banish that Thought, my charming Creature----'tis a false one;
there are Joys, inestimable Joys in Store, give me but Leave, and I'll
inform you where they may be reap'd.

     [_Taking her Hand_.

_Lady._ Not by me without a Crime.

_Bel._ The Crime be on their Heads that forc'd your Marriage, Nature
ne'er design'd these Charms shou'd wither in the Arms of Age, and
destin'd only to a Clod----besides your not consenting to the Match
makes it invalid, and of no force to hold you----take Pity, then, both
of yourself and me, I languish, sigh, despair--nay, e'en die for you.

_Lady._ Help me, Heaven, I have no Power to speak--

_Bel._ Oh! do not struggle so, nor dash my rising Hopes, leave me not,
except you wish my Death, which I resolve the Moment you depart----

_Lady._ Forbid that Thought, I cannot see you die--yet must not yield;
let me go for Virtue's sake----

_Bel._ Love forbids it--Oh! I shall faint with Extacy of Pleasure--no
Jessamin nor Rose has half the Sweets that dwell upon these Lips, 'tis
Essence from the Throne of _Jove_--this Neck, this Breast--Oh, every
Part about thee is Celestial, Loadstone like, thy Breath attracts and
draws my Lips to thine. [_Kissing her_.]

_Lady._ Oh! the Difference between his Kisses, and my Husband's, what
shall I do?----

_Bel._ Do! Consent to bless the Man that loves you.

_Lady._ But how long will he do so?

_Bel._ That's ever the Women's Question--ask not that; can I prove
false to so much Beauty, oh, no, faithful as the Needle to its Pole,
or Turtle to his Mate, secret as a Priest----and loving as the
Vine----give me Possession once, and bind the truest of his Sex for
ever. [_Pulling her_.]

     _Sir_ Paul _within_.

Sir _Paul_. _Basilicon_----

_Lady._ Ah, [_Shrieks_.] my Husband's Voice.

Sir _Paul_. [_Within_.] Ah, Thieves, Thieves.

_Bel._ A Curse of all ill Luck--Just in the critical Minute when she
was yielding----'Death, what shall I do, Madam, can, can, can, can, you
put me no where?

_Lady._ Impossible, he'll search all the House--now the Duce take me
for shrieking---- [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ Then there's no way--but to cut his Throat.

_Lady._ Now help me, dear, dear Invention. [_Pauses_.]

Sir _Paul_. _Basilicon_, why where's my Surgeon there--I shall be
murder'd; here's Thieves got into my House.

_Lady._ A lucky Hint, improve it.

_Bel._ Improve what?

     _Enter Sir_ Paul, _and Servants_.

Sir _Paul_. What's here, a Man, a Thief, a Thief, fall on, fall on.

_Bel._ I shall be apprehended for a Rogue, here--make your Mermidons be
civil, Sir, or I shall whip you thro' the Guts, by _Hercules_.

     [_Lays his Hand on his Sword_.

Sir _Paul_. _Basilicon_, keep near me _Basilicon_----

_Lady._ Oh! Hold, hold, Sir _Paul_, What do you do! Abuse a Gentleman
that came to save your Life.

_Bel._ What the Devil does she mean now--some Turn, to bring me off, if
I can but hit her right.

_Lady._ Tell him you saw the House beset with Rogues, tell him, tell
him any Thing. [_Aside to_ Bel.]

_Bel._ Humph, ha, Oh, witty Rogue----

Sir _Paul_. Ha, how's that?

_Bel._ Yes, Sir, I came to do you Service.

Sir _Paul_. As how, pray, sweet, Sir? To lye with my Wife, ha!

_Bel._ No, Sir, coming by your House I saw four Men, and heard 'em say,
that's the Door, dog him to some convenient Place, and then secure him.

Sir _Paul_. Secure me, for what, Sir? I owe no body nothing, I have no
Employment in the State, Sir.

_Bel._ Your Riches is much talked on, Sir, and People imagine you have
got that which we call the Philosopher's Stone; I believe they design
to rob and murder you, I heard 'em mutter something of ripping you up,
and Dissecting you.

Sir _Paul_. Oh! Bloody Villains.

_Lady._ Excellent Fellow---- [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ They talk'd as if you swallow'd the Stone every Morning, and
kept it in your Body for greater Security all Day.

Sir _Paul_. Monstrous!

_Bel._ I find their Design is to search for that Stone, which, if they
get it, will make them as rich as Aldermen ever after.

Sir _Paul_. Barbarous--Sir, if you'l believe me, I don't know what they
mean by the Philosopher's Stone, as I hope for long Life----I have no
Stone worth a Groat, except the Stone of this Ring.

_Bel._ Nay, I know nothing of that, Sir, I thought myself bound in
Honour, tho' unknown to you, to give you Notice of your Danger.

Sir _Paul_. Sir, I heartily thank you--My Coachman, indeed, told me
there was four Men behind my Coach last Night, which made me not go
abroad to Day; these must be the Rogues.

_Lady._ It passes as I would have it----but I wish he had been at the
Bottom of the Sea, when he interrupted us, for that charming Fellow has
got my Heart, I find that. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ Pox take him for his unseasonable Intrusion. [_Aside_.]

Sir _Paul_. I thought I heard you shriek out, Wife.

_Lady._ I wish I had been dumb when I did--yes, my Dear, with design to
raise the House, to pursue, and take the Rogues, this Gentleman told me
of, at least disperse 'em, that my Love might be in no Danger.

Sir _Paul_. Oh, was it that, very well--come, you and I will retire to
my Closet, and return Thanks for this Deliverance, _Basilicon_; come
you along with us, Sir, I thank you. [_Exit_.]

_Lady._ I never had less Religion about me in my Life. [_Exit_.]

_Bel._ If thou had'st stay'd but one Quarter of an Hour longer, Old
Noll, thou shou'dst have had something to have thank'd me for.

     _Enter a Servant_.

_Serv._ Sir _William_ sends to tell you, that he, and the Gentleman you
want, stays for you at the Coffee-house, Sir.

_Bel._ I come-- [_Exit Servant_.] was there ever such a promising
Project crost; I must have her--and I find she must have me too----

  _What various Hazards do we Rovers run,_        }
  _To purchase what we slight as soon as won;_    }
  _And Women know it too, yet long to be undone._ }


     _The End of the_ THIRD ACT.




ACT IV.


     Robin, _solus_.

_Rob._ Here she went in!--let me see--I am to say--what am I to
say?--pox on't, my Master gives me so many different Lessons, one
knocks t'other out of my Head--he is doing--doing, no, no, he did not
bid me say he was doing--he was stopt in the Street--ay, ay, that's
right, and his Name----ads bud, I have forgot his Name now----but
here's the Maid, and so 'tis no Matter.

     _Enter_ Flora.

_Flor._ Ha! _Robin!_ is your Master come?

_Rob._ He's coming, Child--a Lawyer, I believe, for he had a swinging
Stroke with his Tongue, stopt him in the Street, about his Law-Suit, I
suppose, so he sent me Express, fraught with his eager Wishes, to beg
thy Lady's Patience for two Minutes only, and then he'll throw himself
at her Feet----egad, I think I have made as noble a Speech as ever a
Courtier of 'em all. [_Aside_.]

_Flora._ Why don't you come in, and deliver your Message, then?

_Rob._ Now I have seen thee I dare not.

_Flor._ Why, what do you fear?

_Rob._ Those pinking Ogles of thine--But now I think on't, if my Master
and your Lady Couple, thou'lt fall to me of Course.

_Flor._ To you----I believe not, Sir.

_Rob._ But I believe yes--are not we Perquisites made for one
another?----our Station's the same--our Employment alike----you dress
your Lady----so do I my Master--you receive and deliver Messages, so do
I--and lying is the common Vocation of us both.

_Flor._ You are very familiar in your Courtship.

_Rob._ 'Tis my Way--but I know Truth is an out-of-fashion'd Courtship,
which your Sex is not us'd to. Ha! my Master. [_Enter_ Belair _drest
for_ Revel.] Sir, I did your Message.

_Bel._ My Message, Fellow, what Message? This Dog will spoil all by his
Blunders; he does not see that I'm _Revel_ now; [_Aside_.] do you know
who you speak to?

_Rob._ By my Troth, I don't know--and yet methinks I shou'd know too.

_Flor._ 'Tis very strange if he shou'd not know his Master.

_Rob._ Why, Sir, pray are not you my Master, co, co, co.

_Bel._ I'll tell you Rascal.

     [_Strikes him a Box on the Ear_.

_Rob._ Egad, I'm in the wrong, but where I can't tell--his Fingers are
grown plaguy flippant of late.

_Bel._ Is _Beliza_ within, my Dear, dost know?

_Flor._ I believe she is, Sir--I'll let her know you'd speak with her,
if you'll please to signify what Name you'll wear at present----

_Bel._ Name! Why, my own Name, Child, _Revel_; what Name shou'd I wear?
Thou art pleasant, ha, ha, ha.

_Rob._ There was my Mistake, now. [_Aside_.]

_Flor._ Here she comes, Sir.

     _Enter_ Beliza.

_Bel._ So darts the Sun thro' all the thick wrought Clouds, to chear
the labouring Swain.

     [_Catching her in his Arms_.

_Beliza._ Hold, Sir! Who are you pray? The Colonel, or the Country
Gentleman----the grave, serious, formal Lover, or the gay rakish
Soldier?--let me know, I beseech you, that I may square my Conversation
to yours.

_Bel._ Ha, ha, ha, Why these Interrogatories? Madam, do you walk in
your Sleep?--now I fancy you are in a Dream; ay, it is so, faith----and
I cannot resist the Opportunity for Gloves. [_Kisses her_.]

_Beliza._ Away, thou exquisite Dissembler----How can you look me in the
Face?

_Bel._ Because I don't know a Face in _Europe_ that pleases me half
so well--but pr'ythee, why this Air of Indifference, or rather,
Resentment? Look ye, Madam, if you affect this Quarrel by the Way of
poignant Sauce--you have no Need of those little Recourses of your
Sex----_Revel_ loves as much as ever, and dare promise----

_Beliza._ More than you perform.----

_Bel._ Accuse me not before you try me--but why these cross
Purposes--ha, my Incognita! now _Belair_, play thy Part. [_Aside_.]

_Beliza._ Here's one will inform you.----

     _Enter_ Camila.

_Cam._ Oh, Mr. _Constant_, are you come?

_Bel. Constant!_ Yes, faith, Madam, I'm as constant as any Man----this
Lady can witness for me.

_Beliza._ Not in the Court of Conscience, Sir.

_Bel._ Then you have no Conscience at all.

_Rob._ If my Master took up Lying by the Week, what a confounded
Interest 'twou'd come to in a Year. [_Aside_.]

_Cam._ Do you know why I sent for you so soon, Mr. _Constant_?

_Bel._ No, Madam--nor that you sent for me at all.

_Beliz._ You mistake, Cousin, this is Colonel _Revel_, ha, ha.

_Cam._ Colonel fiddle, is it not?--sure I know Mr. _Constant_.

_Bel. Constant!_ Who is he, Madam?

_Cam._ Who's he? Why, are not you he?

_Bel._ Not that I know of.

_Beliza._ Ha, ha, ha, you shall be _Revel_, Sir, till _Constant_ comes,
if my Cousin will give you leave----

_Cam._ I'm surpriz'd at his Impudence--pray, were not you here two
Hours ago, Sir?

_Bel._ Not that I remember--

_Cam._ Impossible--did not you save me from drowning, yesterday.

_Bel._ 'Twas in my Sleep, then--for waking I'm sure I did not.

_Cam._ Distraction--Nor is not your Name _Constant_? And _Oxfordshire_.

_Bel._ Quite wrong----this is a pretty _Christmas_ Game Lady----but,
pray let me have some Commands, as well as all Questions.

_Cam._ Nor don't you know this Footman?

_Bel._ Again--No, Madam, never saw him in my Life.

_Rob._ Oh Lord, Oh Lord, who am I now----for he has renounc'd me
heartily. [_Aside_.]

_Beliza._ What say you, Friend, don't you know this Gentleman, neither?

_Rob._ No more than I do the great _Mogul_, Madam.

_Cam._ Who do you belong to----

_Rob._ Belong to, Madam! why, why, why, a Pox of his 'tother Name, now
I can't think on't, if I were to be hang'd. [_Aside_.]

_Cam._ Ay, who do you belong to, I say, again?

_Rob._ Why, I belong to my Master, Madam.

_Beliza._ And what is that Master's Name, pray?

_Rob._ Name, Madam--his name is--ad, now I think on't, I won't tell his
Name----why, sure I'm too big to be catechis'd.

_Bel._ This Dog will betray me. [_Aside_.]

_Flor._ You challeng'd this for your Master, just now.

_Rob._ What if I did, Mistress, what then? He is not, it seems, without
his being double, as you pretend--the Devil shou'd have doubled me too.

_Cam._ What Business have you here?

_Rob._ Business! why, I brought a Message from my Master to one of
you----and so good by----

_Cam._ Hold, stay, Sir--pray, what was that Message?

_Rob._ Why, that my Master wou'd be here, presently--

_Bel._ Oh, I suppose, this is Mr. _Constant_'s Man, that you mistake me
for--ah, Pox of his Memory. [_Aside_.]

_Rob._ You have hit it, Sir--Mr. _Constant_ is my Master, now his
Name's out----

_Cam._ I'm astonish'd! Cousin, did you ever hear the like?

_Beliza._ Yes, the very same----but I traduc'd Mr. _Constant_ then, you
know----What say you, _Revel_, did I?

_Bel._ Hey, Ladies! do you design to bait me, if so, give me fair Play,
at least----hark ye, draw off your Cousin and confess your Plot----or
egad I'll humour her Frenzy, take the Name of _Constant_, and make Love
to her before your Face.

_Beliza._ With all my Heart, 'tis not the first Time----and I have no
further Services for you, ha, ha, ha.

_Rob._ So, he's in a fair Way to lose 'em both. [_Aside_.]

     _Enter Messenger and Attendant_.

_Mess._ I arrest you, Sir, in an Action of High Treason.

_Bel._ Treason, Sir! Sure you mistake the Man.

_Beliza._ Ha! how's this?

_Mess._ Your Name's _Revel_, Sir.

_Bel._ My name is _Revel_, Sir, but guilty of no such Crime.

_Rob._ Here's a Turn now--I must second him. [_Aside_.]

_Mess._ That must be prov'd, 'tis no Business of mine, I am only to
execute my Orders.

_Cam._ I am concern'd for him methinks----won't you take Bail, Sir?

_Mess._ In these Cases no Bail is admitted, Madam.

_Beliza._ My Mind misgives me this is a Trick.

_Mess._ Come, Sir, I can't stay----

_Rob._ Hold, hold, Sir, pray enter my Action too, for a Box of the Ear
he gave me just now----this is some Comfort, however, I shall see him
hang'd.

_Bel._ Come, Gentlemen, I can easily prove my Innocence--If I stand
fair in this Lady's Opinion, I cannot fear the World. [_To_ Beliza.]

     [_Exit with Messengers_.

_Beliza._ I wish you a good Deliverance, Colonel----I know not what to
think.

_Rob._ I'll see him lodg'd, I'm resolv'd. [_Exit_.]

_Cam._ Nor I----to what End can a Man affect these Disguises?

_Beliza._ Out of Gallantry, Cousin--I shall hardly be convinc'd
without I saw them both together----I pity the Colonel's unhappy
Disgrace; but, believe me, now he is arrested, _Constant_ is no more,
his Man following him plainly shew'd the Cheat.

_Cam._ Nay, I confess, they are extremely alike, but observing very
narrowly, I think their Features are not exactly the same.

_Flor._ You are of my Mind, Madam--for methinks, he is half an Inch
taller than Mr. _Constant_.

_Cam._ And something about his Face, I don't know what--

_Flor._ I fancy his Nose is something longer.

_Cam._ Thou hast hit it; it is his Nose, I'm sure.

     _Enter_ Belair _for_ Constant.

_Beliza._ You are both mad, I'm sure----ha, ha, ha,----bless me! Pray
Heaven it ben't the Devil that thus deludes us.

_Bel._ I am come, Madam, according to your Commands----but if my
Reception prove like the last, the Pleasure of seeing you will very
much abate--I am first at the Rendezvous, I perceive.

_Cam._ Now, Cousin, you are convinc'd, I hope.

_Beliza._ You are, I see.

_Flor._ Now, Madam, I can tell you the very Difference, his Eyes are a
little-little larger.

_Cam._ Nay, I think they are a great deal larger.

_Bel._ Why do you survey me so, Madam? is it possible that you can be
deceiv'd too--Where is this Colonel to be found? Will he not come?

_Cam._ He is just gone.

_Beliza._ He has disengag'd himself, Sir, to leave you Room to act your
Part.

_Bel._ Why did you not keep him, I sent my Man before me to let you
know, I would instantly be here.

_Beliza._ How could we when the Queen's Authority favour'd his Retreat?

_Bel._ How say you, Madam? has the Queen sent for him?

_Beliza._ How cunningly you dissemble--but that's not new,
Dissimulation seems your natural Gift.

_Bel._ Still these Reproaches, will nothing that I say convince
you?----Why did you consent to let him go?

_Cam._ Why, do you really think this is still the same? [_To_ Beliza.]

_Beliza._ I do really----the Trap was laid with too much Policy to be
prevented, knowing the Messenger I never suspected the Truth of the
Action--but I may change to counter-plot you yet. [_Exit_.]

_Bel._ So, she is gone to the Prison----but she'll return as
unsatisfied as she went. [_Aside_.] Why do you take Pleasure to insult
the Man, your Beauty has inslav'd? If my Visits be offensive--tho' I
die without you--I prefer your peace so much above my own, I'll never
disturb you with my Presence more.

_Cam._ He looks, methinks, with such an honest Face, it can be only
_Constant_; [_Aside_.] you must own, I have Reason to suspect you--but
you have a powerful Advocate within, which pleads in your Excuse, and
fain wou'd justify you.

     _Enter_ Robin.

_Rob._ At last, I am satisfied--the Spark is Cag'd.

_Flo._ Did you follow him?

_Rob._ Do you doubt it?

_Bel._ Whom, speak.

_Rob._ Oh, Sir, are you there?----you'll be hang'd in Effigy
To-morrow----

_Bel._ How, Sauce-box!

_Rob._ Ay, Sir, he did box me, but I shall have a swinging Revenge.

_Bel._ Revenge, for what?

_Rob._ Why, Sir, your Likeness--that here has been such a Sputter
about--is taken up for Treason, Murder, Robbery, and the Devil and
all----

_Bel._ Oh, Misfortune! to be like such a Rascal.

_Rob._ Ay, so it is indeed, Sir--I thought he wou'd have been pull'd
to pieces in the Street--there were Girls of Fourteen, and Women of
Fourscore, with Actions of Ravishment against him--and Tavern, and
Eating-house Bills in abundance.

_Bel._ The Rogue has improv'd the Hint admirably. [_Aside_.]

_Rob._ ('Tis an ill-bred Scoundrel, he is very like you, Sir, that's
the Truth on't) he gave me the damndest Box on the Ear, only because I
mistook him for you----he has a swinging Fist, Sir, that was all the
Distinction I cou'd make between you----but I shall see him truss'd up
for it, that's my Comfort.

_Cam._ I am extremely pleas'd to find they are two different Persons.

     _Enter Sir_ William.

Sir _Will._ _Constant!_ I can't believe my Eyes.

_Bel._ Why, what surprizes thee?

Sir _Will._ I met thy very Likeness in Custody of a Messenger, and
stop'd 'em to examine the Reason----the Spark snapp'd me up short,
and told me 'twas none of my Business, bad 'em pass on----I admir'd
at the Meaning, for I cou'd have sworn it had been thee--ha! that is
_Beliza_'s Lodgings certainly. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ Was he drest like me too?

Sir _Will._ No, that was the only Distinction I found about him----I
wish _Beliza_ ben't the other Woman----

_Bel._ Now, Madam----are you still in Suspence?

_Cam._ I'm convinc'd, and over-joy'd, to find you what I wish you.

Sir _Will._ If my Suspicions be true, I have a pretty Kind of an
Employment here----serving my Rival against myself. [_Aside_.]

     _Enter a Servant_.

_Serv._ Madam, your Father wants you----he talks of having you married
to-night----

_Rob._ How's that, egad, my Master will be fobb'd at last, I fear.
[_Aside_.]

_Cam._ Oh, Unfortunate----

Sir _Will._ If it be so, 'tis some Pleasure at least to know the Man.
[_Aside_.]

_Bel._ What do I hear? Oh, Madam, if ever Pity touch'd your Soul, exert
it now--think where you are going, think too, who you leave--give
me some Assurance to support my Hope, that you will disobey your
Father--or I am miserable.

_Cam._ Believe me, my Surprize is as great as yours, I promise to use
my utmost Arguments against it; if I fail, you shall then know my
Father, and use your own Discretion.

     [_Exit with_ Flora.

_Bel._ That's all I ask--unexpected Turn of ill Fortune; this News has
chang'd the very Countenance.

Sir _Will._ Why, one wou'd swear thou wer't really in Love.

_Bel._ And not be forsworn, Sir _William_; for, faith, I do love her
heartily, and am ready to capitulate for better for worse, as soon as
she pleases.

Sir _Will._ I'm glad to hear that--one Thing, pray, tell me, without
Reserve----

_Bel._ Most willingly----

Sir _Will._ What Design have you upon the other? for you can't marry
'em both?

_Bel._ Humph--faith, no Design at all, if I cou'd come off handsomely;
tho' she's very pretty, but too well acquainted with my Incognita, to
have any Intrigue with.

Sir _Will._ Does she love you _Belair_?

_Bel._ Not that ever I cou'd discover, to say the Truth.

Sir _Will._ One Thing more----Is not her Name _Beliza_?

_Bel._ Ha! does he know her----I'm afraid my Plot's spoil'd again.
[_Aside_.] Nay, Sir _William_, don't force me to tell Names, especially
after the Stratagem I have made Use of.

Sir _Will._ Nay, nay, I am convinc'd 'tis the same; had I apprehended
it sooner, Friend, you had not carried your Design thus far.

_Bel._ So, I have made my Rival my Confident; I find I am a lucky
Fellow, now, may he, out of pure Revenge discover me. [_Aside_.] If I
have committed any Fault, Sir _William_, 'twas a Fault of Ignorance;
could I divine the Lady was your Acquaintance--so that I am assur'd
your Friendship must forgive me.

Sir _Will._ What Friendship must forgive, Love denies--as I imagin'd,
here she comes.

_Bel._ Well, Sir _William_, whatever Satisfaction you demand I'm ready
to return----this Favour let me obtain, as you are a Gentleman betray
me not, to my fair Unknown--this 'tis the most unfortunate Thing.
[_Exit_.]

_Rob._ Quite undone again. [_Exit_.]

     _Enter_ Beliza.

_Beliza._ I am confounded! I know not whether there be two or
not----the Messenger affirms that _Revel_ is in his Custody, but his
Orders run so strict, that none must be admitted to see him----ha, Sir
_William_.

Sir _Will._ Pray what was the Subject of your Ladyship's
Contemplation----Colonel _Revel_.

_Beliza._ He has found it then at last----why, do you know Colonel
_Revel_, Sir _William_?

Sir _Will._ You do, I find----perfidious Woman----have I discovered
thy Falshood--all thy Turnings and Windings of Indifference, had their
Source from hence.

_Beliza._ The readiest Way to stop his Tonge is to let loose mine.
[_Aside_.] Do, do, exalt your Voice, and raise your Passion higher--but
know! your jealous Rage shall extort no Submission from me, tho' I
cou'd clear my Innocence with Ease--but the Man that dares suspect my
Conduct----and start a Quarrel Husband-like, e'er I have confirmed his
Title, I scorn to disabuse----so leave him to what Method he thinks
best. [_Exit_.]

Sir _Will._ Oh, Guilt! What an Assurance dost thou give, Oh, Hell, Hell.

  _What Fate than this cou'd more injurious prove,_
  _Deceived by Friendship, and destroy'd by Love._      [Exit.]


SCENE _changes to Sir_ William's _Lodgings_.

     _Enter_ Belair _and_ Robin.

_Rob._ You act your Part very well, Sir, but there was one Thing
superfluous in that of _Revel_.

_Bel._ What was that, pr'ythee?

_Rob._ The Box o'th' Ear, Sir; 'twas very uncomfortable.

_Bel._ Oh, there's a Cordial for thee. [_Gives him Money_.] 'twas only
to teach you a good Decorum.

_Rob._ Oh, Sir, your humble Servant, I am ready to be taught, Sir, when
ever you please.

_Bel._ But how, are you sure my Father knows I am in Town?

_Rob._ Sure on't, Sir! Why, I saw him, and told him you came but two
Hours ago--and that, you'd wait upon him as soon as you had refresh'd
yourself with clean Linen----

_Bel._ Z'death, and why did you so, Sirrah?

_Rob._ Because, Sir, that was the first Excuse that came at my Tongue's
End--and you know there is no humming and hawing with my old Master,
Sir.

_Bel._ I am in a blessed Condition,--in Love, with I know not who, to
be found I know not where----undoubtedly out of Favour with my Father,
if I refuse his Choice, as I most certainly shall----

_Rob._ Nay, good Sir, be'nt over certain----may be she's as handsome as
t'other--and you may like her as well.

_Bel._ And, in all Probability, in Danger of a Duel with my
Friend----to rectify all these Matters, require a Machivilian Brain--go
you wait at t'other Lodgings.

_Rob._ Yes, Sir.----Now has he so many Women upon his Hands, he knows
not what to do with 'em----the first Time I ever saw him puzzled in
these Matters-- [_Exit_.]

     _Lady_ Cautious _passing over the Stage_.

_Bel._ My Charmer! the Sight of thee dispels my Melancholly, and
revives the Joy within my Breast, which first those Eyes inspired----

_Lady._ Why, were you melancholly, Sir? impossible.

_Bel._ How shou'd I be otherwise in the Absence of my Love.

_Lady._ Abundance of Love, but not a Grain of Constancy, I fear.

_Bel._ As constant as the Sun my Fairest----

_Lady._ What, like him, court all you meet, and quit as soon as
tasted----Nature never design'd my Sex to feed your Luxury--but for
Health, Content, and Necessaries.

_Bel._ Right, why then can you deny the Man that endeavours to engross
those Necessaries you speak of.

_Lady._ Where they are lawful----but upon second Thoughts, I find I
have Scruples.----

_Bel._ Vapour, Vapours, all----lawful! Why the mechanical Notion I
have of the World, is a rich Banquet, set off with all the choicest
Things of the Creation----where Man's the Guest--and would it not be
the Height of ill Manners to snatch a Dish, and run away with it, when,
perhaps, twenty more had a Mind to the same Meat.

_Lady._ And would it not be the Extremity of Folly to taste of every
Dish--when your Curiosity may bring a Surfeit----

_Bel._ Then there's Physicians enough in Town to cure me--

_Lady._ Or kill you.

_Bel._ With all my Heart----because a House may fall on my Head----must
I therefore lie in the Field--but what have we to do with Philosophy?

  _For softer Pleasures was your Sex design'd,_
  _Heaven form'd and sent 'em to delight Mankind._
  _No Rule or Custom did we first obey,_
  _But freely lov'd where Nature led the Way._

     [Embracing her.

_Lady._ Bless me! you'l smother me----

_Bel._ Let us not in cold disputing waste the Time, least Fortune,
angry at our dull Delay, send another Interruption----

_Lady._ Well, you was born to ruin me----but do not, pray do not--use
your Force--for well I find my Weakness----

     [_In a yielding Tone_.

_Bel._ A good Hint--sure Fortune will not jilt me again--but hold, I'll
secure the Door-- [Shuts the Door.] now shew me a Man possest of half an
Hour's Happiness above me.

     [_Takes Hold of her_.

     _Knocking without_.

_Lady._ Undone for ever----there's some body at the Door, if I'm
discover'd----Ruin attends me.

_Bel._ Another malicious Devil has crost me again----why, why,
why--which Way shall I get out? Is there no back Stairs, nor
Trap-Door--I, I, I, I'll jump out of the Window.

_Lady._ By no Means----what will come of me----here, here, get into
that Closet.

     [_Knocks again_.

_Bel._ Ay, ay, any where--oh, Success, Success, thou hast forsaken me.
[_Exit_.]

     _She shuts the Door, then opens 'tother._

_Lady._ Who knocks with that Authority? Brother, is it you! what shall
I say? [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ What Business have you here----Confusion, how shall I
contain myself? [_Aside_.]

_Lady._ If he has discover'd me, I'm a dead woman. [_Aside._] Why do
you look so angry, Brother----Is it a Crime to be in your Lodgings?

Sir _Will._ Yes, I forbad you----and what was the Door shut for, ha?

_Lady._ I shall be found out, there's no avoiding it----because I
was afraid the Stranger which you say hates Women shou'd surprise
me--I came hither to be private, and to avoid the Impertinency of Sir
_Paul_--I tremble every Joint. [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ Ay, she did come to avoid Sir _Paul_, that's plain
enough----Oh Nature, Nature, why did'st thou make a Woman----I'm sure
I heard his Voice--far off he cannot be--that Closet must conceal
him--I'm glad to find you was so circumspect, Sister----I am out of
Humour----you'll forgive me----how shall I get rid of her? [_Aside_.]

_Lady._ Better than I expected---- [_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ Pray oblige me with Pen, Ink, and Paper, I have lost the
Key of my Scrutore, and can't come at mine----

_Lady._ With all my Heart, Brother----a fortunate Escape. [_Exit_.]

Sir _Will._ Let me consider shall I sacrifice his Blood to my injur'd
Honour--no, I owe this Life to him which now I bear--and a solemn
League of Friendship join'd our Souls--I lodg'd him here--and shall
I break the Laws of Hospitality?--no--first, let me know how far my
Honour is concern'd--if my Sister has betrayed her Virtue--and I prove
it--my just Resentment then shall fall on both--'tis resolv'd----

     _Puts out the Candle, goes to the Closet and knocks_.

Sir, Sir--

     Belair _opens the Door, and comes out_.

_Bel._ Are they gone, my Life, my Love----

Sir _Will._ My Life, my Love! Damnation [_Aside_.] they are gone,
hush, make no Noise for your Life, I expect my Husband every Minute,
therefore if you love me retire instantly--

_Bel._ Love thee; do I live? But, oh, I fear these curst malicious
Planets ne'er will crown my Wishes. [_Exit_.]

Sir _Will._ By that I find he has not enjoy'd her--now know how far
she's inclin'd.----

     _Goes into the Closet, and shuts the Door after him_.

     _Enter Lady_ Cautious, _with Pen, Ink, and Paper_.

_Lady._ Here's Pen and Ink, Brother----ha, in the dark,
Brother--Brother--ha! gone--lucky Opportunity--let me 'scape now, and
I'll never run the Danger more---- [_Goes to the Closet_.] you may come
out, the Coast is clear.

     _Enter Sir_ William.

Sir _Will._ Then I'm happy--now let's lose no Time--but improve the
precious Moments----conduct me to some more private Place, there let me
breathe my Soul into your Bosom, and pay the Hazards which we have both
run----

_Lady._ This is no Time except you wish my Ruin----my Brother is
alarm'd and may return this Minute, and sacrifice me to his jealous
Fears----have you no Regard for my Safety----yet will you loiter to
undo me.

Sir _Will._ Destruction seize thee. [_Aside_.] I will go, but first
tell me when, and where I shall be blest again.

_Lady._ Press me not to further Folly--I own the tender Sentiments of
my Heart----and I fear I love you----

Sir _Will._ Excellent Confession---- [_Aside_.]

_Lady._ But my Fears grow strong, and represent Vice in hideous
Forms----twice this Day Surprize preserv'd my Virtue.

Sir _Will._ Twice! Oh, Traiteress. [_Aside_.]

_Lady._ And now by all the Virtuous Stars, I'll never see you more.
[_Flings from him_.] [_Exit_.]

Sir _Will._ I'm glad to hear that----but did not she know me, so took
her Opportunity to start from my Vengeance? It may be so, and this
be all a Lye----it must be so----and now I cou'd rip that Bosom
where her Heart, her hot lustful Heart resides----yes, if thou be'st
guilty--these Hands shall strait let out thy tainted Blood, to wash the
Stains thou hast thrown upon our Family.

     _Enter Sir_ Paul _with a Candle_.

Sir _Paul_. Mercy on me, what a Noise is here in this House--Adsbud,
it were a Blessing to be deaf--what did I say--Heaven forgive
me----if I shou'd be struck deaf now, what a lamentable Thing 'twou'd
be----humph--ha--in my Conscience, my Ears sing, I have a strange
Humming in my Head--pray, Heaven, I grow not deaf in earnest--Well, my
Wife has so many Relations--that lodge here, and visit her together--I
shall certainly be undone--it costs me, at least, Five Pounds a Week in
Coffee--Tea--Chocolate--and Ratafee--Mercy upon me--if I shou'd come to
want now in my old Age----I may thank Marriage for it--if I shou'd come
to be maintain'd by the Parish now--Oh, sad--Oh, sad--or shou'd live to
be blind--and led with a Dog and a Bell--what shall I do, if I come to
that, and who knows but I may--Let me see, let me see, I'll try how I
can walk in the Dark.

     [_Puts out the Candle_.

     _Enter_ Belair.

_Bel._ The Devil take these Disappointments, I say----I have peep'd
into every Room I cou'd find open, but no Sight of her----well, if my
Incognita----falls to my Lot at last, 'twill be some Amends----

Sir _Paul_. What a wretched Condition is it to be depriv'd of
Sight----the very Apprehension puts me in a Sweat all over--ah, ah,
within there, Lights, Lights.

_Bel._ I can't imagine into what Part of the House I'm got.

     [_Runs against Sir_ Paul.

Sir _Paul_. What's that? Thieves, Thieves.

_Bel._ Pox take this old Cuff, how came I to stumble on him?

Sir _Paul. Basilicon_, why _Basilicon_, I say, Murder, Murder.

     _Enter Servants, with Lights, and_ Basilicon.

_Bel._ Sir, I'm glad to see you with all my Heart----

Sir _Paul_. That's a Lye, I believe----but what's your Business here
now, Sir? Answer me that--do you come to bring me another Information
of Rogues, ha! I know you again----either you come, Sirrah, to make
me a Cuckold--or to rob my House----but I'll have you laid by the
Heels----I will so----

_Bel._ Very fine, Faith----my next Step will be to _Tyburn_.

Sir _Paul_. Bind his Hands, there----

_Bel._ Keep off Scoundrels----without you'l have your Guts full of
Oylet-holes.

Sir _Paul_. Oh, _Basilicon_, see, see, am I not wounded? Keep close to
me.

     _Enter Sir_ William.

_Bas._ Not in the least, Sir.

Sir _Will._ How now, what's the Matter here--

_Bel._ Oh, Sir _William_, you come opportunely, to save me from these
Rascals.

Sir _Will._ Sir _Paul_, why these Disorders? Of what are you
Apprehensive----this Gentleman is a Friend of mine.

Sir _Paul_. But how came he here, Sir, in the Dark----

_Bel._ I mistook this for Sir _William_'s Apartment----

Sir _Will._ Oh, Hippocrisy----but e'er you and I have done, you'll own
'twas upon another Score, [_Aside_.] it must be so, Sir _Paul_, I lent
my Lodgings to the Gentleman for two or three Days--curse of my shallow
Reason--I did not tell you of it, Sir, not thinking it material enough
to trouble you about.

Sir _Paul_. Say you so, Sir----then Cuckoldom is nothing material, you
shall all out of my House----you shall so, every Mother's Child of
you----

Sir _Will._ What you please, Sir _Paul_----hark ye, _Belair_,
there's something to adjust between you and I, which require more
Privacy--follow me. [_Exit_.]

_Bel._ So my affair goes swimmingly. [_Exit_.]

Sir _Paul_. What the Devil had I to do with a young Wife?

  _They who in Age will drag the Marriage Chain,_
  _Like me they'll find the Hopes of Comfort vain;_
  _But if Relations usher in the Wife,_
  _There needs no greater Curse to Human Life._      [Exit.]

_The End of the_ FOURTH ACT.




ACT V.


SCENE, _Sir_ William's _Lodgings_.

     _Enter Sir_ William _and_ Belair.

Sir _Will._ Thus far, Sir, I have had a strict Regard to the League
we made in _Spain_--serv'd you in the minutest, as well as greatest
Things, even beyond the Character of a Gentleman, in helping you to
impose upon a Lady, making good Manners subservient to my Friendship.

_Bel._ Pr'ythee, Sir _William_, let me know the Sum at once, without
this regular Account.

Sir _Will._ 'Twill be cast up immediately--at your Request, resign'd
my own Lodgings, to oblige you, kept your Secret, even to the Woman I
lov'd--tho' you abus'd her--

_Bel._ Nay, there's a false Tally, Sir _William_--I never abus'd a Lady
in my Life----

Sir _Will._ Have you not abus'd _Beliza_?

_Bel._ Which Way? I never ask'd a Favour that cou'd put her to the
Blush--or promis'd Marriage, and declin'd my Word.

Sir _Will._ Have you not pass'd by a wrong Name to her?

_Bel._ But the Person is the same, when once a Woman likes the Man--she
seldom finds Fault with the Name.

Sir _Will._ Look'e, _Belair_, you may affect what Air you please--but
supplanting my Love, and dishonouring my Family, are Things not to be
repair'd with a Smile----

_Bel._ The dishonouring of your Family! What mean you, Sir? Such
Accusations are not like a Friend.

Sir _Will._ Nor such Actions, therefore draw-- [_Draws_.]

_Bel._ I'll never draw my Sword--till I know the Cause you allege; I
endeavour'd to supplant you; I deny it--I wou'd not supplant my Friend,
tho' I dy'd for the Woman--but this was only Gallantry--and I ignorant
of your Pretences; and before I knew you lov'd _Beliza_, I had fix'd
upon her Friend--that Point is clear'd with any reasonable Man----but
the other Article it is that stings me--How have I dishonour'd your
Family?----for there my Honour, Faith and Friendship are concern'd----

Sir _Will._ Are they gone, my Life----my Love----

_Bel._ Ha! my own Words!

Sir _Will._ And spoke to my Sister, Sir----

_Bel._ The Devil they were.

Sir _Will._ What! are you astonish'd, Sir? Draw instantly----or by the
base Affront you offer'd me----

_Bel._ Nay, nay, hold, hold, Sir _William_, for Faith I will not fight
thee----one Word----were it possible that I cou'd know thy Sister by
Instinct? Or, deny a fair Lady in Distress.

Sir _Will._ Trifle no longer with my just Resentment--

_Bel._ Hear me out, and if I plead not within the Rules of Reason,
Justice, and Probability, pass Sentence on me freely----she's young
and handsome----her Husband old and impotent----he full of Whimsies;
she full of Love; he wrinkled and decay'd----she warm and wishing; I
young and vigorous----she married against her Will----I not married
at all----we met by Accident----she lamented her Misfortune----I
pitty'd her----and what Return she might have made----no Man----not
yourself, cou'd have refus'd, had the Case been yours----Oh, but then
she proves the Sister of my Friend----but my Friend never told me
that----consequently he is the Aggressor----Now, Sir _William_, will
you put yourself upon your Guard, or put up your Sword, ha, ha, ha.

Sir _Will._ My Friend, again----I confess thy Arguments are
unanswerable----those we do not trust, can ne'er betray us.

     _Enter_ Robin _hastily_.

_Rob._ Oh, Sir, your Father, Sir _Thomas_, has found your Lodgings, and
hears you have been in Town this Fortnight----and swears if I don't
find you out immediately, he'll slice me into Hash-meat; he says, he
shall forfeit a Thousand Pounds if you come not presently----

_Bel._ What shall I conclude on----is he at my Lodgings?

_Rob._ No, Sir, he's upon the Hunt like any Blood-hound; I run down
twenty Bye-ways, least he shou'd dog me----for you know, Sir, I am your
most careful Servant.

Sir _Will._ That thou art indeed----you must resolve to see him.

_Bel._ And if I see him, there will be no avoiding this hated Match----

_Rob._ Without, Sir, you shou'd take another Name, and persuade him you
are not his Son----I have the same honest, lying Face, Sir, still, I'll
swear you are none of my Master. [_Knocks without_.]

_Bel._ No, Sirrah, that won't do with him----ha, see who knocks.

_Rob._ If it be my old Master----what shall I say, Sir, must I lye, or
speak Truth?

_Bel._ Which you will, the Condition's desperate.

     _Re-enter_ Robin _with a Letter_.

_Rob._ Safe, Sir, safe, a Letter from your Incognita, Sir.

     [_Gives him the Letter_.

_Bel._ Thou dear Cordial to my love-sick Mind [_Kisses it_.] [_Reads_.]
_I have us'd all my Rhetoric without Effect; my Father resolves this
Night to give me to thy Rival--therefore if thou hast any Stratagem to
relieve me, be quick in the Execution----We are now coming to Sir_ Paul
Cautious'_s, who, it seems, is an old Friend of my Father's, you being
in the same House, renders you capable of seeing--your Incognita_--now,
Sir _William_, I'll throw off Disguise, confess who I am, and ask her
of her Father----if he refuse, my Rival must measure Blades with me;
you'll be my Second, if it come to a Push, Sir _William_.

Sir _Will._ My Sword is still at my Friend's Service.

_Bel._ Have at him, then----I'll to my Lodgings, Dress, and return in
an Instant----Now all ye Stars, that favour faithful Lovers, prevent my
meeting with my Father. [_Exit_.]

_Rob._ And his Cane meeting my Shoulders. [_Exit_.]

     _Enter Sir_ Paul, _pulling in Lady_ Cautious.

Sir _Paul_. You, troop, troop----there, Sir, take your Sister, and get
out of my House--do so--you shan't bring Gallants under my Nose, and
lend your Lodgings to Rascals that wou'd cut my Throat----Mercy upon
me, 'tis a Miracle the House don't tumble on our Heads----I admire I'm
alive----

_Lady._ Thou art alive, indeed, and that's all----

Sir _Paul_. All, Housewife, why, why, why, you han't poison'd me, or
wounded me, have you?

     [_Looking and feeling about him_.

     _Enter_ Basilicon.

Why, where are you, Rascal? Look, am I hurt--do I Bleed anywhere?

_Basil._ Not a Drop, Sir.

Sir _Paul_. Can you know by my Eyes or Hands, or any Thing, if all be
right within me?

_Basil._ Very easily, Sir--you are in perfect Health--

Sir _Paul_. You are sure on't?

_Basil._ I am sure on't, Sir!

Sir _Paul_. Why then, Mistress, what do you mean, ha!

_Lady._ That thou art an old doating,--despicable Wretch.

Sir _Will._ Hold, Sister----better Language to your Husband wou'd
become you--and for you, Sir, since your ill Manners proceeds from
groundless Jealousies, taxing a Gentleman with Crimes of which I
know him innocent--making that a Pretence to traduce the Virtue of
your Wife--I advise you to recall your Temper, and use her like my
Sister----or I shall use you like my Enemy.

Sir _Paul_. And run me thro' the Guts, I suppose--was ever Man thus
plagu'd before!

_Lady._ [_Weeping_.] This is the Life I lead--my Virtue still
suspected--my Innocence accused, and the Quiet of my Life
destroy'd----Did I truly merit his Abuses--Patience and Submission
wou'd become me--but I defy, even the Tongue of Malice, to asperse
my Fame or Conduct----and do you think, Brother, I'll endure
this----tamely to submit and cringe to what I hate?

Sir _Will._ One Word, Madam-- [_Pulls her aside_.] Boast not of your
Conduct, nor your Virtue--vile audacious Woman--the Closet, Mistress,
think on the Closet.

_Lady._ Does he know that? now, I'm lost for ever.

Sir _Will._ Now, vent your clamorous Virtue----while those in whose
Hands you lodge it, Echo back, you have none.

_Lady._ What sure Disgrace attends unlawful Love; had I really fall'n,
I now shou'd die with shame.

Sir _Paul_. What are they whispering about, Now--contriving to make me
away, ten to one, _Basilicon_.

_Basil._ Oh, Sir, I defy 'em to do that whilst I am near you.

_Lady._ Oh, Brother, forgive me; 'twas the only Slip I ever
made----methinks I hate myself, for having, but in Wish, consented, and
grow in Love with Virtue.----Since I have not stain'd my Family----the
most was Thought, for some good Angel still did interpose to prop my
nodding Virtue.

Sir _Will._ Take heed it nods no more.

_Lady._ I will, for now the Shame and Ruin that must have attended me,
are so conspicuous to my Sight, that I will shun even the resemblance
of a Crime like this; if you'll but pardon me, I'll vow never to fall
again from Duty.

Sir _Will._ On that Condition I do--and, now, Sister, since your
Marriage-Knot can never be dissolv'd, till Nature slips it--shew
yourself the Pattern of a virtuous Wife, indulge his Age----and that
Way preserve your Ease, and by your Meekness and Humility, fix your
Reputation.

_Lady._ I readily obey--Sir _Paul_, my Youth has hitherto engaged me
in a foolish Passion, contradictory to your Will, but my Brother's
Instructions has so far inform'd me of my Duty, that my Behaviour, for
the future, shall give you no Cause for Complaint.

Sir _Will._ I'll engage my Honour for the Performance of her Promise.

Sir _Paul_. Here's a Turn; who can find what Plot is going
forward----Are you both in Earnest now, or not?

Sir _Will._ Pray, be less suspicious, and more a Man--the less you
suspect, the more you are secur'd, Sir _Paul_.

_Lady._ A generous Confidence, will always oblige your Wife.

Sir _Paul_. Well, for once I will trust thee----come to my Arms
then----hold, hold, let me see----you have no Penknife nor Pistol about
you, have you?

_Lady._ To what Purpose, my Dear----Nay, did you not say, you'd trust
me----

Sir _Paul_. Well, so I will then. [_Embrace_.]

     _Enter a Servant_.

_Serv._ Sir, here's a Gentleman, calls himself _Positive_, to wait on
you, Mrs. _Beliza_, and another young Lady, with him.

Sir _Paul_. Bring them in immediately, I have not seen him this many
a Year----and your Mistress too _Will_, we'll have a Match before you
part, a Faith we will, my old Friend----

     _Enter Mr._ Positive, Beliza, Camilla, Patch, _and_ Flora.

Welcome, I'm glad to see thee with all my Heart, Ladies, you are
welcome--

_Pos._ Sir _Paul_, your Hand----I cou'd not come to Town without seeing
you, Faith----this is your Lady, I suppose; by your Leave, Madam.
[_Salutes her_.] This is my Daughter, Sir _Paul_, I am come up to marry
her.

Sir _Paul_. Why then, I wish her much Joy.

_Lady._ I shou'd be proud of being better known to you.

_Cam._ And I of your Acquaintance.

_Lady._ Dear _Beliza_, how do you expect I shou'd forgive your long
Absence? Not see me in two Days.

_Beliz._ I confess my Fault.

Sir _Will._ The readiest Way to be pardon'd, is not to persist in the
Wrong, indeed, Madam.

_Beliz._ But who shall judge between Right and Wrong?

Sir _Will._ Our Reason, Madam.

_Beliz._ That very often deceives us, especially if we put too much
Trust in the Person.

Sir _Will._ It requires Judgment therefore, to make a proper Choice,
for every Accident depends on that; but why this Indifference, Madam?

_Beliz._ Why, that Question?

Sir _Will._ Because Love requires more Freedom.

_Beliz._ But Jealousy forbid it, Sir _William_.

Sir _Will._ Only the Effect of too much Love; I ask your Pardon for all
past Offences.

_Beliz._ Rather of too much Folly.

     _Enter_ Belair.

Ha, _Revel_, at Liberty again----and here, what can this mean?

_Bel._ Ladies and Gentlemen, your Servant--

     _Sir_ William _takes him aside_.

_Lady._ Ha! the handsome Stranger--lie still my Heart, and think not of
him. [_Aside_.]

_Cam._ Now am I distracted, to know whether this be her Lover, or mine.
[_Aside_.]

Sir _Will._ Sir, here's a Gentleman begs Leave to unfold a Secret to
you---- [_To Mr._ Positive.]

_Pos._ To me----out with it then.

Sir _Paul_. Has he a Secret for him too.----This Spark is full of
Secrets. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ Sir, I presume you are the Father of this Lady.

_Cam._ This is _Constant_, that's certain. [_Aside_.]

_Beliza._ So, now the Game's up----as I suspected, all one Man.
[_Aside_.]

_Pos._ And, what then, Sir?

_Bel._ Then, my Request is, to be admitted for your Son-in-Law.

_Pos._ For my Son-in-Law----

_Bel._ Yes, Sir, provided I make it appear my Fortune and Family are
equal to yours----

_Pos._ Sir, in one Word--if you cou'd prove your Descent from the
Blood-royal, and as many Acres of Land as the _Po_ has engross'd,
'twou'd not avail you that, do you see [_Snaps his Fingers_.] my Word's
my Word, she's dispos'd of already, and so give yourself no farther
Trouble.

_Cam._ Heart-breaking Sentence. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ Is this your final Resolution, Sir?

_Pos._ Why, Sir, what Reason have you to believe, I shou'd alter it?

_Bel._ Because, Sir, I have some Reasons to believe, your Daughter
loves me--and I hope you'll not force her Inclinations----

_Pos._ You have some Reasons to believe she loves you--what Reasons,
Sir, what Reasons? You have not lain with her, have you? for that's the
surest Reason a Man can build upon.

_Bel._ You surprise me, with your Question, Sir,----and make me blush,
to hear you give Utterance to a Thought like that----Your Daughter's
Virtue needs no Guard against such foul Advances.

_Pos._ I hope not----

_Cam._ I ne'er shall give you Cause to doubt my Virtue, Sir, and 'tis
unkindly urg'd----I own, I love this Gentleman.

_Pos._ What, this is he, that you have pick'd up since you came to
Town, is it?

_Cam._ This is he, that sav'd my Life, Sir----and if I have him not, I
ne'er can love another; yet your Commands shall fix me as you please.

Sir _Paul_. Well said.

_Pos._ As to your Love, and Liking, that's out of my Power, but your
Portion and Person are not----so whether you consent or not, 'tis the
same Thing----look ye, my Word's my Word, so never trouble yourself
about that.

_Bel._ Is it so, I'll not leave the Sight of her--till I see my
Rival----and then the best Arm carry her.

_Beliza._ And, this is your worthy Friend, you have so often mention'd,
Sir _William_?

Sir _Will._ The same, another Time I'll inform you of every Thing, and
hope to obtain your Pardon for him.

_Beliza._ Nay, I'm inclining to be good-natured; I like his Humour
mightily----

_Cam._ But, Sir, have you no Regard to the Hazards which he run to
save my Life; had not his generous Care preserv'd me, you had now been
Childless in your Age.

_Pos._ Humph! Why, to say Truth, I wou'd be grateful, but I want the
Means--he says, his Estate is large, so that he's above a Present--and
I know not what to offer him----Sir, I thank you for the Service which
you did my Daughter, and had I not given my Word, I might have chose
you, as soon as another, but now there's no Help for't--if you'll be
one of her Bride-men, you shall have a Favour to keep for her Sake.

Sir _Paul_. That's something.

_Lady_. Rude unpolished Monster. [_Aside_.]

_Bel._ Insult me not, Sir,----the Favour I wou'd wear you have refus'd.

     _Enter_ Robin.

_Rob._ Sir, here's your Father will come in, in Spite of my Teeth----or
he swears he'll have a File of Musquetteers, and blow the House up.
[_Aside to_ Bel.]

Sir _Will._ What News brings _Robin_?

_Bel._ That my Father is at the Door, I must go and try to appease him.

     _Goes towards the Door, and meets Sir_ Thomas.

Sir _Tho._ Give me Entrance, or, I'll knock you down, you Dogs----

     _Enter Sir_ Thomas.

Where is this graceless Rogue.

_Bel._ [_Kneeling_.] Your Blessing, Sir, and with it your Pardon,
for having thus long conceal'd myself, but when you shall know my
Reasons----

Sir _Tho._ Reasons, Sirrah, what Reasons have you to shun your
Father----and a handsome Woman; come along, come along, [_Pulling
him_.] the Parson and the Bride has waited this two Hours, while I have
been hunting you all over the Town, Sirrah.

_Bel._ And now you have found me, Sir, I cannot comply with what you
propose.

Sir _Tho._ How, how's this?

_Bel._ There stands the Lady that destroys my Duty--

Sir _Tho._ Ha! What do I see?

_Bel._ Now, Sir, shew a true Paternal Love, and force me not to wed
against my Will; for tho' the Lady you have chose, shou'd have all the
Charms that bounteous Nature gave the whole Sex--there I am fix'd--and
must, and will, refuse her.

_Pos._ Ha! Is not that Sir _Thomas Belair_?

Sir _Tho._ Sayst thou so----why, then, take her, my Boy; [_Throws him
into_ Camilla'_s Arms_.] for this is she, thy Father did design for
thee.

_Bel._ Oh, Transport, oh, unexpected Happiness!

_Cam._ Oh, Excess of Pleasure!

     [_They embrace_.

Sir _Tho._ Mr. _Positive_, your Servant; there's my Son.

_Pos._ So I see, Sir, and am glad of it with all my Heart.

_Bel._ Now, Sir, your Consent I hope is free.

Sir _Paul_. Why, this is the prettiest Turn I ever saw.

_Rob._ I, I, I, am so overjoy'd, I shall jump out of my Skin----

_Pos._ Camilla--there take him.

     _Calls her to him, and throws her to_ Belair.

_Bel._ My Love, my Life----my Soul's best Comfort----

_Beliza._ I am pleas'd to see the Event so lucky.

Sir _Will._ So am I, Love is the strongest Guard to restrain Liberty.

_Cam._ Look up my _Constant_, and bless our friendly Stars that thus
have turn'd our Disobedience into Duty.

_Bel._ Oh, I was lost in Rapture, the powerful Torrent rowl'd too
fast, and sinks me down with Pleasure; now no more that Name, but know
thy Husband wears that of _Belair_----and now, Madam, I must ask your
Pardon too--and you, my Friend, I give you a thousand Thanks, and wish
you as happy in _Beliza_'s Love----

_Beliz._ I'm glad to see you out of Prison, Sir; but how?

_Bel._ Those Stratagems are vanish'd now, and I rely on your good
Nature to forgive me.

Sir _Paul_. Nay, Niece, I seldom ask Favours, therefore must not be
deny'd; you, and my Wife's Brother, must make the second Couple.

_Lady._ I must second Sir _Paul_, in that Request.

_Cam._ Compleat my Happiness, and bear me Company.

_Bel._ Augment my Joys, by crowning of my Friends.

Sir _Will._ Let not all intreat in vain, Madam.

_Beliz._ Well, Sir _William_, I'll run the dangerous Venture of a
Jealous Husband, for once; but let me caution you, aforehand----the
more you suspect my Conduct, the less I shall consult your Humour? the
more you watch me, the more I shall study to deceive you----Leave then,
your Spanish Airs----and put the true English Husband on, that is the
only Way to have a virtuous Wife.

Sir _Will._ Your Advice is so reasonable, that you shall be Mistress
both of yourself, and me.

Sir _Paul_. Well said, Brother, thy Example shall be my Guide, for the
future; come, we'll be merry, I'm resolv'd; who is within there?

     _Enter Servant_.

Go to the Play-House, and desire some of the Singers and Dancers to
come hither; I am not often in this Humour, but will be merry while it
lasts.

Sir _Will._ Go in my Name----they'll not refuse me.

_Bel._ No, thou art a good Benefactor to 'em.

     _Enter_ Ned.

_Ned._ Ladies and Gentlemen, I wish you Joy, I overheard the Conclusion
of your Happiness----and to crown your Mirth, here's a comical Figure
upon Enterance.

     _Enter_ Wou'dbe, _in his Waistcoat_.

Sir _Will._ Ha, ha, ha, Mr. _Wou'dbe_, without his Clothes--what dost
thou design this for a Masquerade, at my Wedding.

_Wou'd._ Married, and to _Beliza_, then the good Opinion _Ned_ said she
had of me, is come to nothing, I find [_Aside_.] Oh, Sir _William_, I
am undone for ever, robb'd of my new Coat, that I but just put upon my
Back, by the most whimsical Stratagem you ever hear'd.

_Beliza._ Ha, ha, ha, Mr. _Wou'dbe_ out-plotted.

Sir _Will._ How was it, pr'ythee?

_Wou'd._ Why, Sir, you must know I had just made up such a Suit of
Cloaths as that you have on----and was coming hither, but meeting your
Brother _Ned_, he wou'd needs press me to the Tavern, to give him
Beveridge, so in we went, the Fellow that waited on us, told me I had a
Cut cross the Shoulder of my new Coat; I look'd, and found I had----he
said there liv'd a Fine-drawer at the next Door----he wou'd draw it up
in a Minute; Wherefore I gave it him, but my Eyes ne'er encounter'd him
since.

_Omnes._ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

_Bel._ Is your Subscription come to this, ha, ha, ha; why did not you
examine the House?

_Wou'd._ I did, and they say he came in with me, and told them he was
my Servant.

_Ned._ And that he never suffer'd a Drawer to wait on him, and
therefore borrow'd an Apron of them to attend us.

_Wou'd._ To cheat me of my Coat----nothing vexes me so much, as that
I have not been seen in it, had I but made the Tour of St. _James_'s,
and both Play-houses, my Passion for it would have ebb'd to an
Indifference--and then----

_Beliza._ That was an unparallel'd Grievance, indeed.

_Bel._ Mr. _Wou'dbe_, might I advise you as a Friend, leave off
this foolish Whim of Mimicking; Sir _William_ he's a Gentleman of a
plentiful Fortune, and can afford Change of Cloaths for every Day;
but you, whose slender Allowance from a Father's Hand, admits of no
Profuseness----to imitate him is Madness.

_Rob._ What a grave Piece of Advice is there----well, Marriage has
chang'd my Master already, I find.

_Beliza._ I heard you was about writing a Play, Mr. _Wou'dbe_, I'd
advise you to make your top Character a Sharper----you see they can't
out-wit a Gentleman; he has shew'd you Plot for Plot.

_Wou'd._ With what Courage can I proceed with the Play, when this
Rascal is run away with the Subscription--Well, I'll into the Country,
and never see this damn'd Town again. [_Exit_.]

     _Enter Servant_.

_Omnes._ Ha, ha, ha, ha.

_Serv._ The Singers and Dancers are come, Sir.

     _Here is Songs and Dances._

Sir _Will._ Bring 'em in, come, Gentlemen, take your Seats, but you
forget, _Belair--Robin_ is unrewarded yet.

_Bel._ Why, he shall chuse between the two Maids.

_Rob._ Ah, _Patch_!

_Patch._ Me do you chuse?

_Rob._ Thou tempts me, and if I shou'd look any longer, perhaps the
Devil might be more cunning than I.

_Patch._ You don't like me then?

_Rob._ Look ye, Marriage is a lasting Thing----if it were for
six Months only, I might venture upon thee----but for all the
Days of my Life----Mercy upon me----thy Features are too high
Priz'd Furniture for House keeping, especially where they must let
Lodgings----therefore, _Flora_, have at thee----

_Flora._ Why will you quit her for me?

_Rob._ To shew the Extremity of my Love, I will.

_Patch._ Fool, didst thou think I wou'd have had thee? Dost thou know
that I have had my Nativity cast, and am told that I shall marry a
Knight, at least, if not a Lord.

_Rob._ Oh, good Night to your Ladyship, then.

_Ned._ Well, _Patch_, stay till my Brother dies, and I'll marry thee,
to make good thy Calculation, ha, ha.

_Patch._ Though you shou'd make me a Lady, you'd not better my Fortune
much by being your Wife, our Humours wou'd quickly consume our
Estate;----I love fine Cloaths,----fine Coach,----fine Equipage, and
fine House;----You Drinking, Wenching, Gaming, and so forth----that
when I wanted a New Suit, in the Morning, you have flung off your Money
over Night.----

Sir _Will._ She has hit you home, Brother, for your jesting.

_Ned._ Well, since we know one another's Infirmities so well, we'll
keep as we are----

_Bel._ Now, my fair _Camilla_, I am happy----these Arms shall fix my
rambling Heart.

  _Ungovern'd Youth, of Taste not over-nice,_
  _Roves thro' the various Fields of Pois'nous Vice._
  _Cheated with Health, they ride thro' Pleasure Post,_
  _To purchase Liberty, what e'er it cost._
  _True English like, that Idol they adore,_
  _And fear the Marriage-Knot, as much as Gallick Power._
  _But if once Reason checks the looser Reins,_
  _And bring sound Judgment into Play again,_
  _Then all must own----_
  _The truest Joy that waits on human Life,_
  _Is a constant Temper----and a virtuous Wife._




THE EPILOGUE.

Spoken by Mr. PENKETHMAN.


  _The Plodding Tribe are so resolv'd of late,_
  _To model and refine our little State._
  _I fear to_ Great _Ones we have this relation._
  _They'll ruin us at last by Reformation!_
  _What heavy Race so far without the City,_
  _Cou'd think of plaguing us for being Witty?_
  _But were we broke (disbanded I wou'd speak,_
  _For nothing but a Shopkeeper shou'd break!)_
  _Men of our Quality's wou'd rise by falling,_
  _And grow more eminent in any Calling._
  _Our various Virtues wou'd fit all Conditions;_
  _They that want Piety might turn Physicians._
  _A Door-keeper whose Cheats we can't prevent,_
  _Wou'd surely thrive in any State-Employment._
  _He that his Hopes from Impudence does draw,_
  _Might turn his happy Genius to the Law._
  _The Under Fry a little Thing will serve,_
  _For by the Laws of_ England, _younger Brothers starve._
  _No Change of Government the Women drop,_   [Putting on a Mask.]
  _For--Eighteen Pence in Velvet sets them up._
  _As for myself; may Marriage be my Fate,_
  _Chain'd to a Cross, I may repent, tho' late;_
  _Grow fit to turn Informer to the Town,_
  _And thrive by the same Means I was undone._




TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE


Contemporary spelling has been retained, including abbreviations that
are now uncommon, e.g. cou'd. Hyphenation and spelling are inconsistent
throughout, as are the abbreviations used for character names. An
instance of "Fanily" was corrected to read "Family".

Three further changes were made. In the sentence "why can't it be made
walk by Clock-work", the word "to" was added between "made" and "walk".

The word "to" was also added in the sentence, spoken by Belair, "Why
not? he must be insensible, that to so much Beauty cannot warm." The
previous sentence spoken by Patch makes this the logical interpretation.

The passage originally rendered as "_Pos. Camil._--there take him." was
changed to "_Pos._ Camilla--there take him." It is clear that Positive
is speaking to Camilla rather than the two characters speaking at the
same time. The error was presumably caused by the typesetter, who
abbreviated her name.

The source for this text is:

 THE WORKS OF THE CELEBRATED Mrs. CENTLIVRE.

 VOLUME ONE

 LONDON:

 Printed for J. Knapton, C. Hitch and L. Hawes,
 J. and R. Tonson, S. Crowder and Co. W. Bathoe,
 T. Lownds, T. Caslon, and G. Kearsly.
 M.DCC.LXI.

[The end of _Love at a Venture_ by Susanna Centlivre]