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IF THE BOOK IS UNDER COPYRIGHT IN YOUR COUNTRY, DO NOT DOWNLOAD OR REDISTRIBUTE THIS FILE. _Title:_ Saturday’s Children _Date of first publication:_ 1927 _Author:_ Maxwell Anderson (1888-1959) _Date first posted:_ Jan. 11, 2015 _Date last updated:_ Jan. 11, 2015 Faded Page eBook #20150117 This ebook was produced by: Barbara Watson, Mark Akrigg, Alex White & the online Distributed Proofreaders Canada team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net SATURDAY’S CHILDREN A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS BY MAXWELL ANDERSON LONGMANS, GREEN AND CO. 55 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK 39 PATERNOSTER ROW, LONDON, E.C.4 TORONTO, BOMBAY, CALCUTTA, AND MADRAS 1927 THIS PLAY IS FULLY PROTECTED BY THE COPYRIGHT LAWS AND NO AMATEUR PERFORMANCE, RADIO BROADCASTING, PUBLIC READING, RECITATION, OR PRESENTATION OF ANY KIND MAY BE GIVEN WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF LONGMANS, GREEN AND CO., 55 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK COPYRIGHT, 1926 BY MAXWELL ANDERSON COPYRIGHT, 1927 BY LONGMANS, GREEN AND CO. FIRST EDITION MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA SATURDAY’S CHILDREN CAST OF CHARACTERS WILLY SANDS FLORRIE SANDS MRS. HALEVY BOBBY MR. HALEVY RIMS O’NEIL MRS. GORLIK _Act I_ The Halevy’s Dining Room—June _Act II_ The O’Neil’s Kitchen-Dining Room—November _Act III_ A Bedroom in Mrs. Gorlik’s Boarding House in East 35th Street—Three weeks later * * * * * * * * * * SATURDAY’S CHILDREN * * * * * ACT ONE _The dining room of the_ HALEVY’S _apartment. Large curtained window with window-seat right, beside which is large wing chair with standard lamp downstage of it. Upstage right is a large 1910 model Grand Rapids Buffet. Center stage is the dining room table with four chairs around it, and above that a small telephone table and chair. Upstage left center is a swinging door leading to the hall, the kitchen presumably being right and the front door left._ WILLY SANDS _is seated in the arm-chair, left, reading the advertising sheet of the “Morning World.” His wife_, FLORRIE, _is seated below the table, center, taking down the ads. as he dictates them_. MRS. HALEVY _is at the end of the table_. WILLY [_Reading_] Cigar and stationery, poolroom, receipts $350 weekly, rent $80—good lease, large corner, good chance to build up— FLORRIE Wait a minute! Read slower! WILLY Oh, all right.—Cigar—stationery, poolroom, receipts $350—rent $80— FLORRIE And so with the young husband saving on his lunch like a dear and his little wife eking out the eggs and butter we just barely get through—and oh, we adore it, don’t we, Willy? WILLY [_Reading_]—good lease, large corner, good chance to build up large newspaper route, sacrifice, terms, going South. Federal Business Exchange, 1133 Broadway. FLORRIE [_Taking it down_] Well, you might answer your only love and darling pride instead of going on in that cold-blooded way, dearest,—[_To_ =Mrs. Halevy=] and little Willy is really growing more adorable every day—I just grudge every hour away from him, and so does Willy, only he thinks it’s unmanly for a father to talk about his child—you know, the way most men run on—don’t you, dear? WILLY [_Reading_] Garage, Central Park West, 160 cars at $40 direct from owner. 230 Grand Street— FLORRIE [_Writing_] 230 Grand Street!—Darling, please, my arm’s paralyzed— WILLY [_Interrupting her_] And say, get this—We collect quickly, bad bills, notes, checks, partnership frauds, stocks, schemes, business transactions confidentially investigated, investors protected, civil, criminal, commercial difficulties handled by clever experienced detectives, free advice, open evenings,—I’m going to sick that gang on a certain party tomorrow— FLORRIE On me, I suppose— WILLY I said, on a certain party, and she knows who I mean. I’m going to find out the truth about the strange dark man who carries ice into the basement and converses with my wife by way of the dumb waiter. It’s been going on for over a year now and our child’s three months old—draw your own conclusions— FLORRIE Willy! You obscene beast—just for that I do think Tony is the handsomest thing— WILLY Well, all I can say is I wish he was married off and salted away so I could go to work with an easy mind— FLORRIE Married! Darling, he has seven children— WILLY And still handsome? What a man! MRS. HALEVY [_Vaguely_] Who is it, dear? FLORRIE Oh, just the ice-man. Willy’s always teasing me about him. I’m going to run away with him sometime but we’ve had to put it off because he hasn’t any money. He has only the ice business, you know. So I’m living on with Willy and the baby for the present. MRS. HALEVY Oh, Florrie, I don’t know whether you ought to joke about such things— FLORRIE Now, mother— WILLY It’s no joke, you know. It’s Florrie’s romance. Everybody has to have his romance, and if your husband’s a real estate agent you fall in love with the ice-man, and if your husband’s an ice-man you probably run away with a real estate agent. I know how to handle her, though. I stay so damn poor she never has enough pocket money to run away with anybody. FLORRIE [_Laying down her pencil and addressing_ =Mrs. Halevy=] Isn’t he the most vicious!—Will you take that back? WILLY Nope. FLORRIE [_Baby talk_] Will you take it back? WILLY Nope. FLORRIE [_Her hands in his hair_] Will you take it back? WILLY Nope. Hey. Hey. Yep! Yep! Sure! FLORRIE You take it all back? WILLY Sure! Say, leave me my hair—what there is of it. FLORRIE And does he love his Florrie? WILLY Sure, I do. I never said I didn’t. FLORRIE And does his Florrie love him? WILLY Gosh, I hope so. If she does, she’ll quit that. Quit it, you hear? FLORRIE [_Loosening her hold_] And is it a good little secretary? WILLY Sure thing. FLORRIE The best in the world? WILLY Best in the world. FLORRIE Because it’s very vain of its stenography, you see, and it thinks a perfectly good little secretary is being perfectly thrown away being wife and mother for such a horrid beast! It does think so. WILLY Don’t I know it? FLORRIE Don’t you know what? WILLY Don’t I know it thinks so? FLORRIE [_With a ferocious yank_] And doesn’t Willy think so? WILLY [_Climaxing with yell_] Sure I do. She’s a love and a darling and hellcat and she can take two hundred to the minute and there ain’t nobody like her! Now leggo. FLORRIE Will he give his secretary a kiss?—Just like he used to when she really was his secretary and there weren’t any babies and ice-men? WILLY Come on, get it over with. [_He lets her kiss him._] FLORRIE And will he take her over to the band concert, just the way he used to? WILLY Don’t you think we’d better be getting home to that kid? FLORRIE Isn’t that devotion? He knows perfectly well his angel child won’t wake up till morning and the maid would take care of him if he did! Besides, I want to see Bobby, and she hasn’t come home yet, stupid. Kiss me. [_She kisses him._] MRS. HALEVY I don’t know why Bobby isn’t here. She’s never as late as this. She must have had dinner downtown. WILLY Probably had dinner with her boss. Probably planning to marry her boss. FLORRIE She certainly could if she wanted to. WILLY If she’s a sister of yours she could. FLORRIE Now, Willy, explain that quick! WILLY Me? Oh, I just meant—I just meant any relative of yours could do anything. FLORRIE Not good enough, darling. Try again. WILLY Well, you see, it’s your fatal beauty that does it. They all fall for you. Realtors, icemen, princes of Wales and Sweden, bosses—bosses especially. I used to be a boss of one of you and look at me now. FLORRIE Mother dear, did father ever talk that way? MRS. HALEVY No, I don’t think he did, Florrie. When we were young, nothing was the way it is now. But he’s beginning to do it the last few years. He never even used to swear until you girls grew up—and then, he sort of learned it from you, I guess. WILLY I bet he had to. You keep a couple of girls in the house swearing blue rings around you from morning to night and it corrupts any man’s morals. I’m getting so I swear myself. FLORRIE Well, I must say Bobby never did it much. She was the sweet little thing— MRS. HALEVY She’s been making up for it since you left. I guess it’s working in an office with all those men. I used to think it was terrible but she doesn’t mean anything by it. WILLY [_In the paper_] Well, when Florrie says damn—she means damn. You ought to hear her some morning when she breaks a tray of nursing bottles in the sink and spills the kid’s formula over the ice-chest. Gee, you’d think she was a vice president. FLORRIE Well, that was only once, Willy. WILLY Once was enough. I learned a lot of new words that morning. FLORRIE You can read your paper now, dear. WILLY [_Who has been talking into his newspaper throughout this scene, and has not once changed his position_] Uh-huh. FLORRIE [_Sitting above table center_] Are you quite sure Bobby was coming home, mother? MRS. HALEVY Oh, she’d have telephoned. FLORRIE You know, mother, somebody ought to keep an eye on Bobby. It’s so easy for a girl to drift into an affair—at that age. MRS. HALEVY [_Startled_] Bobby? Why, Florrie!— FLORRIE Yes, really, I mean it. MRS. HALEVY Bobby’s a good girl, Florrie. FLORRIE Girls are awful hypocrites, mother. And the better they are the worse they can be. I’d feel a lot safer about her if she was married. WILLY [_Still deeper in paper_] Maybe we could kill two birds with one stone—fix something up between Bobby and our ice-man. FLORRIE You can read your paper, darling. You aren’t so very funny. WILLY Yes’m. FLORRIE Did she turn Fred down, really? I mean, was it final? MRS. HALEVY Oh yes; but you couldn’t blame her for that—he was—well, he was over thirty—and bald— FLORRIE I know. He wasn’t a very romantic figure. Neither is old Helmcke, but he has got a lot of money. Is he ever here any more? MRS. HALEVY Yes, he’s here, but he’s deaf, and after all he’s a widower. She’s just sorry for him and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. You know he’s getting so deaf you have to write out what you want to say to him. FLORRIE But he’s got a lot of money.—And who else is there? MRS. HALEVY There’s the O’Neil boy;—but he’s going to South America— FLORRIE South America—! What for? MRS. HALEVY I don’t know. Just some trip he got a chance to take. You know I did think it was getting serious, but he hasn’t been here for a week or more and he’s going day after to-morrow. FLORRIE Does Bobby mind? MRS. HALEVY I think she does, but her father doesn’t—and she won’t say a word. FLORRIE What a nuisance! To have him go away! MRS. HALEVY He is a nice boy. FLORRIE Does he make any money to speak of? MRS. HALEVY She told me he gets just as much as she does. FLORRIE Oh well, they couldn’t live on his $40 a week. I wonder if Bobby sees him at the office. MRS. HALEVY I guess she sees him, but he’s so busy about this trip— FLORRIE Well, I suppose that ends that— WILLY [_From the paper_] Yep, looks like the boy’s got away. [_The telephone rings._] FLORRIE Never mind, mother. I’ll get it. [_At the phone._] Yes? Yes? . . . Rims? . . . Oh, this is her sister. . . . She hasn’t come home yet. . . . Oh, Mr. O’Neil? Oh, yes. . . . Just a moment. It’s Rims O’Neil asking for Bobby. MRS. HALEVY Tell him she’ll surely be home. FLORRIE [_Musing_] I think I’d better make it interesting for him. Was Bobby going out tonight? MRS. HALEVY Oh, no! FLORRIE Hello. Why, Mr. O’Neil, she is going out tonight, but she’ll have to be in shortly to dress, you know, and if you’re nearby—yes—yes. . . . It must be a party or a dance because she couldn’t get to the theatre now. . . . Oh, I know she’d like to see you but I’m afraid she won’t have much time. . . . Well, that is a shame. . . . Oh, you are? Oh, I see. I’m sure she didn’t know . . . yes, I would tell her, of course . . . yes . . . goodbye. [_She hangs up. A radio starts in the next room._] WILLY Thin ice, my darling. FLORRIE Yes? WILLY What if they’d really had an engagement? FLORRIE As if I didn’t find that out first! What an opinion he has of his secretary’s brain! Here she thinks three answers ahead of him for years and years and that’s all the good it does. WILLY Well, Jiminetti! You could tell the kid the truth, couldn’t you? FLORRIE Why, Willy, you wouldn’t want me to tell the truth to a perfect stranger? Think how it would sound. MRS. HALEVY It would have been better, Florrie—It would have been better. FLORRIE Now, Mother, be a sport. I was just gambling. One last throw—Winner take all. WILLY What a dame! FLORRIE [_Caught by the music_] Isn’t the old bear pleased with it? It’s pleased with itself! It really is! [_Leaning over the back of the chair._] WILLY You hate yourself, don’t you? FLORRIE [_Moving towards right center, jazzily_] Don’t it just? It’s vain of its face, It’s vain of its figger, It’s just fat enough But it mustn’t get—larger. WILLY Rhyme it you dancing fool, _rhyme it_! FLORRIE Um—It never uses bad words. [_The radio wails._] Poor Dad—he’s got Chinatown on that two-syllable set of his. Run in and help him, Willy. WILLY I like it here, thanks. FLORRIE But supposing I wanted to talk to mother and you were in the way? WILLY Impossible. FLORRIE Oh, quite. You have finished with the dictation, Mr. Sands? WILLY [_Feeling the pressure_] That’s all. [_He goes._] FLORRIE Children, dishes and young husbands! MRS. HALEVY He’s such a sweet boy, Florrie, you ought to be nicer to him. FLORRIE I’m a sweet girl and he ought to be nicer to me. MRS. HALEVY You really do like him, don’t you, dear? FLORRIE I don’t know. Yes, sometimes I think I do. But not often.—Mother, what do you really think about this Rims boy and Bobby? Is it kind of serious? MRS. HALEVY I don’t know how it is with him—but Bobby’s been crying her eyes out. FLORRIE You don’t mean you’ve actually seen Bobby crying? MRS. HALEVY No, not seen her—But when she’s been crying all night, I can tell in the morning. FLORRIE Well, if it’s as bad as all that— MRS. HALEVY Oh, it is— FLORRIE Why, he’ll probably keep her waiting for him for years, and then not come back at all— MRS. HALEVY I suppose so. FLORRIE Or else she’ll just drift along waiting for somebody like him and the first thing we know she’ll be an old maid and a public charge. MRS. HALEVY She’s only twenty-three. FLORRIE Well, wasn’t I married at twenty-three? It’s easy to get married before you’re twenty-five but afterwards try and do it. If only she wasn’t such an egg! MRS. HALEVY [_Horrified_] Such a what? FLORRIE Such an egg! MRS. HALEVY Florrie! FLORRIE I know, but she’s so unhatched, somehow—she doesn’t know her way around the block—she never did. MRS. HALEVY People do wait sometimes—sometimes they wait for years—and then it comes out all right. We waited— FLORRIE Oh, I know, but that was different. MRS. HALEVY Yes, I suppose so. It was all different then. FLORRIE [_A door closes outside._] Maybe that’s her now. [_She goes toward the hall door._] FLORRIE Bobby, dear, I haven’t seen you for an age! BOBBY [_Entering_] Well, why should you, darling? Don’t be sloppy. Ugh, I’ve just come from the subway! Let me at the bath-tub before you kiss me. FLORRIE We’ve been waiting to see you. BOBBY How’s the baby? FLORRIE Wonderful. MRS. HALEVY Have you had dinner, dear? BOBBY [_Taking off an orchid_] I don’t know. Yes, I guess so. MRS. HALEVY You don’t know? BOBBY Yes—I was—I was in a place where they were eating. It must have been dinner. FLORRIE Fascinating company? BOBBY Just the boss. Mengle. FLORRIE Since when does Mr. Mengle take you to dinner? BOBBY Ever since six o’clock and it’s been a long time. FLORRIE And his conversation was so charming you couldn’t think of food? BOBBY [_Vague and a little bored_] I hope he didn’t lay himself out to be charming because I didn’t hear a word he said. FLORRIE Well, dearest, when you go to dinner with a man you ought to at least listen to him. BOBBY I’ll get him to say it over again sometime. He won’t mind. If he does he can always fire me. FLORRIE Well, you needn’t have worried and spoiled poor Mengel’s evening, for Rims did telephone, if that’s what you want to know. BOBBY Rims? Rims telephoned? FLORRIE I think that’s the name. Rims—Rims Murphy— MRS. HALEVY O’Neil, dear. FLORRIE Oh, yes, O’Neil. BOBBY What did he say? FLORRIE He wanted to know if you’d be in this evening. BOBBY Oh. FLORRIE I said you were going to a dance or something, but if he came right over— BOBBY Oh, I’m not going anywhere. FLORRIE Well, why tell him that? You don’t want him to think you’re sitting home weeping about him? BOBBY Why should he think I’m weeping? Did you know I wasn’t going out? MRS. HALEVY I told her you weren’t, Bobby— BOBBY Then I don’t see what occasion there was for— FLORRIE Child, you’ll never know; you’ll never, never know. You’re just that innocent. BOBBY Oh—well, he’ll know I wasn’t going anywhere—because I’ll be here. FLORRIE Couldn’t you change your mind? At any rate you can’t tell him you weren’t going out because I told him you were. BOBBY Couldn’t you be mistaken, dear? I think you could. I even think you were. FLORRIE You would! BOBBY I think it’s perfectly silly. FLORRIE You’re quite hopeless, darling—I doubt if I can do anything for you, but I can tell you this. BOBBY Yes? FLORRIE If you want a man to be interested in you, let him see you going out the door with another man. And if you want a man to come running, just let him imagine you at a dance with someone else. BOBBY You’re pretty tiresome tonight, Florrie. If I cared enough about anybody to want to keep him—I’d care too much to want to keep him that way. FLORRIE My God, can anybody be as young as that and live! MRS. HALEVY Well, Bobby is right, Florrie—Bobby is right! FLORRIE Mother, you never grew up a day after you were married. MRS. HALEVY Well—I’m glad I’ve stayed young then. FLORRIE Do you know what I want you to do? BOBBY It doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t do it. FLORRIE I want you to put on your prettiest party dress. You were going to a dance, you see, and then Rims’ll come in and you’ll decide not to go. It just gives you a chance to look your best. Don’t you see? BOBBY You must think I’m mad about this Rims. FLORRIE Aren’t you, dear? BOBBY Not the least in the world. FLORRIE Oh, well, don’t do it then. Because if you did he might ask you to marry him or something and then you’d have to turn him down and it’d be such a bother. BOBBY Yes, I know. There’s nothing like a proposal to spoil an evening. I’ve been so unfortunate that way. MRS. HALEVY Well, you have had two in a week, Bobby. BOBBY Three, mother. FLORRIE Was it Mengle? BOBBY Yes, I think that’s what he was talking about a good deal of the time—whenever he wasn’t talking about the music business. The music business, by the way, is very good. MRS. HALEVY But Mr. Mengle’s married, dear. BOBBY Oh, this wasn’t a proposal of marriage. It was just a—proposal. MRS. HALEVY But Bobby—you can’t work for a man like that! FLORRIE Oh, I wouldn’t say that, mother. BOBBY —No—you see, I think probably I got the job because he had hopes of me. Hope springs eternal in the employer’s breast. MRS. HALEVY What did you say to him? BOBBY I didn’t disillusion him completely. It’s better for Mr. Mengle’s hopes to go on springing eternal. MRS. HALEVY He must be a beast— BOBBY He’s a rather friendly old beast, and very considerate, really. FLORRIE He didn’t mean anything, mother. MRS. HALEVY But it’s really terrible—for a young girl— FLORRIE Will you put on the party dress? BOBBY I might if I had one. FLORRIE The pink one! BOBBY [_She pauses, looking at Florrie, decides it is not worth arguing about. She reaches in her bag and pulls out a coin_] Heads or tails. FLORRIE Heads! BOBBY [_Flipping it_] You win. FLORRIE The pink dress. BOBBY Anything you say. MRS. HALEVY I must say she never would have done it if I’d asked her. FLORRIE Use just the right touch and you can get her to do anything. You see, mother, she’s just a child. There’s a psychologist writing for the American that says people don’t really begin to think until they’re nearly thirty. They walk around and talk and they seem human, but they’re really practically unconscious. MRS. HALEVY I do wish you wouldn’t read the American, dear. FLORRIE Well, sometimes I think it’s really true. That’s one reason why it’s easy for a girl to get married young, and not so easy afterward. The idea is to catch your man while he’s still unconscious. If he begins to think about it there really isn’t any reason why he should get married at all. And so the psychologist says the only hope for a girl is to start thinking young and that’s why girls have to be cleverer than men. MRS. HALEVY I don’t know how people ever think of such things. FLORRIE He’s paid to. I could think of nearly anything if I was paid to. [_There is a terrible crash of wood and metal in the next room._] MRS. HALEVY Good Heavens! Merlin what did you do to it? MR. HALEVY [_Entering from left_] Nothing. FLORRIE But it sounded as if— MR. HALEVY It will sound no more, my darling. The infernal machine that wrecked our peace is forever silenced. MRS. HALEVY What have you _done_? MR. HALEVY [_Filling his pipe_] I have murdered the entire Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra, from Stokowski to the timpani player. I tried everything else on that Goddam machine and it didn’t do any good, so I tried smashing it. From now on if we want any music we’ll go where it is. MRS. HALEVY I don’t know what’s come over you, Merlin. You’re so sudden lately. MR. HALEVY Yeah! Toward the end of his life the human male, having learned there is nothing to be gained by gentleness and compromise, begins to assert himself. You didn’t want me to build a radio and I built it anyway. After I got it built I didn’t like it so I smashed it. If you tell me to get another one I won’t. If you tell me not to get another one I will. [WILLY _enters from left with a newspaper in his hand_.] FLORRIE It’s best not to tell him anything, mother. MRS. HALEVY Goodness knows I never tried to tell him anything. FLORRIE As for Willy it wouldn’t dream of trying to tell him anything, would it? WILLY Darling, how would I know anything if you didn’t tell me? FLORRIE You wouldn’t. WILLY Not a thing. [_The telephone rings._] FLORRIE [_Answering it_] Hello! No. Oh, hello! Oh, yes. Mr. O’Neil? Oh, I see. Yes, she is . . . I think she’s taking a bath—[BOBBY _pokes her head in at door up left_] what? . . . BOBBY Who is it? FLORRIE [_Into the mouthpiece_] Just a moment. [_She covers the mouthpiece_] It’s this Rims fellow. The one you aren’t mad about. BOBBY Let me talk to him. FLORRIE No, dear. You’re supposed to be taking a bath. [_Into the phone_] Hello,—why, she is in the tub and I hate to—yes— Why she seemed rather particular about this engagement, but I’m sure she’ll wait if you put it that way. BOBBY [_Standing up left fixing belt of wrapper_] You fiend—give me that phone! FLORRIE [_Covering the mouthpiece_] Go away, dear. [_Into the phone_] Just somebody cutting in, I guess.— BOBBY [_Grabbing phone_] Give me that phone. Hello, hello. . . . It’s Bobby. . . . I was, but I heard the telephone, and . . . Oh, Rims, that’s sweet of you, really. . . . I know you must be perfectly tied up . . . no, Rims, truly I’m not. . . . I haven’t any engagement the least in the world. . . . It was just that infernal sister of mine. . . . I don’t know, just her little joke, I guess . . . anyway, I’ll be here—yes, good-bye. [_She hangs up._] MRS. HALEVY Florrie, what did you mean— BOBBY After this I’ll answer the telephone for myself, thanks. FLORRIE Well, you’ve managed to ruin— MR. HALEVY What’s the row about, girlies? FLORRIE Nothing whatever. WILLY I gather Florrie thinks Bobby’s going out tonight and Bobby thinks she isn’t. MR. HALEVY Well, Bobby ought to know. MRS. HALEVY Now, what’s Rims going to think? BOBBY I’ll tell him exactly what happened. FLORRIE Well, he won’t believe you. BOBBY Of course he’ll believe me. FLORRIE You mean to say you’re coming out in that pink dress and tell him you weren’t going anywhere? BOBBY I’m not wearing my pink dress— FLORRIE No? I thought I won the toss, my darling. WILLY Let us in on it. What’s the gag? BOBBY It’s too silly to talk about. I’m sure I don’t know what Florrie thinks she’s doing. I’m going to dress. FLORRIE We’re all going over to the concert. BOBBY You mean you’re maneuvering everybody out of the house just to—? Well, I won’t have it—Dad, you won’t go? MR. HALEVY Not if you’d rather I didn’t, Bobby, but the radio’s out of commission and I did want some music. BOBBY Oh, very well. MR. HALEVY But I’d just as soon stay, honey,—almost— BOBBY Never mind— FLORRIE The pink dress! BOBBY Very well. [_She goes into bedroom._] MR. HALEVY What’s up, Florrie? MRS. HALEVY Are we going to the park? FLORRIE Yes! Put something on, mother—he’s coming right over. It’s her Rims, dad—her marvellous Rims O’Neil—and we’re just clearing out to give them elbow room— MR. HALEVY Well, if she doesn’t want us to go— FLORRIE Of course she does. Only she thinks it looks too deliberate, as if he’d think of that— MR. HALEVY I thought he’d gone to South America— FLORRIE Well, he is going but he hasn’t gone yet. That’s the point, and the kids ought to have a chance to say goodbye. MR. HALEVY Well, if that’s all— WILLY [_Coming out of paper_] Say, Florrie, listen!—You remember that little house on a hundred and forty-first—the one we wanted?— FLORRIE Of course, it remembers— WILLY Well, it’s for rent— FLORRIE No, not the very one— WILLY Sure thing—the one we wanted—and reasonable too— FLORRIE How much? WILLY Sixty. FLORRIE Why that’s less than our apartment. Now, why did we sign that lease? MR. HALEVY Sixty a month for a whole house—? FLORRIE Well, it’s only two rooms and a kitchen, really— WILLY Sort of lost and forgotten among the apartment buildings— FLORRIE It’s the funniest little place— MR. HALEVY Oh, well, if it’s only two rooms. FLORRIE And a garden, dad, we simply adored it— WILLY We figured we could use part of the kitchen for a dining room, you see— FLORRIE Oh, well—[_To_ MRS. HALEVY] Listen, mother, I think I’d better wait a minute and make my peace with the kid. Take Willy with you and I’ll meet you there— MR. HALEVY Where we always sit? FLORRIE Yes, the same place. WILLY Come on, mother. MR. HALEVY You two run along. I’ll catch up. I want to see her a minute myself— WILLY [_Going out with_ MRS. HALEVY] Goodbye Bobby! BOBBY Goodbye Willy. MR. HALEVY Bobby! Dressed yet? BOBBY [_Entering left, still doing up the last few hooks of her dress_] Yeah!—what is it, dad? MR. HALEVY Anything the matter? BOBBY I guess not. MR. HALEVY I mean, is the kid happy? BOBBY Not very. Of course I’m happy. MR. HALEVY Well, be yourself, girlie. Don’t let anybody run over you. BOBBY All right, dad. MR. HALEVY And, well,—don’t do anything I wouldn’t do— BOBBY Tell me something you wouldn’t do. MR. HALEVY Not a damn thing I didn’t feel like doing. So long. [_He goes out._] BOBBY All right. MR. HALEVY [_Off stage_] Remember that. BOBBY [_To_ FLORRIE] Aren’t you going? FLORRIE You don’t like me much, do you? BOBBY No. FLORRIE Well, I’ll run along. BOBBY Oh, stay if you want to. FLORRIE I was just trying to make things easier for you, dear. You’re in love with Rims, aren’t you? BOBBY No. FLORRIE Oh, well, then I’m sorry, and it was foolish. But, gee, kiddie, you’re a rave in that dress. I wish somebody was coming you were in love with. BOBBY Thanks awfully. FLORRIE Will you make it up with me, dear? Because I really thought it was good fun— BOBBY Oh, why don’t you go? Why didn’t you go with the others? FLORRIE Bobby, you are in love with him. BOBBY I’m not in love with anybody that isn’t in love with me. FLORRIE But he is. BOBBY No he isn’t, if he was he’d have—well, it doesn’t matter only I wish you’d go. FLORRIE It’s all right, dear. I’ll go the minute he comes. And listen—he is in love with you. I know by his voice over the phone. And if you want him, dear, don’t you know you can have him? BOBBY [_Looking away_] He’s going to Buenos Ayres to start a branch house. It may take two years. FLORRIE Don’t let him. BOBBY If he wants to go, why shouldn’t he? FLORRIE Because you’re in love with each other, and you’d be much happier if he stayed here, wouldn’t you? BOBBY It doesn’t matter. FLORRIE You know what will happen? He’ll fall in love with someone else. BOBBY Well, so will I, probably. FLORRIE You thought he was going to ask you to marry him, didn’t you? BOBBY Yes. FLORRIE And if he’d stayed a little longer he would have, wouldn’t he? BOBBY Yes. FLORRIE Then he’ll ask you tonight. BOBBY No he won’t. He’s made up his mind not to. FLORRIE Darling, he didn’t tell you that? BOBBY No, but I know. FLORRIE Oh, if I could only be in your shoes half an hour—just half an hour—wouldn’t I get it out of him! BOBBY What would you do? FLORRIE I’d tease him—till he was wild. BOBBY Well, I won’t. FLORRIE I guess you’re just too good to live. BOBBY No, it isn’t that, I like him too much to cheat him into anything. FLORRIE Darling, if you knew just half a dozen sentences to say that would make him propose to you, would you say them? BOBBY No, I wouldn’t. FLORRIE It’s so easy—When he asks if you weren’t really going out with somebody, tell him you were going out with Fred—has he ever seen Fred? BOBBY No, but you’re just wasting your time, Florrie. [FLORRIE _turns to table, rises, gets pad and pencil_.] FLORRIE Look, dear, I’m writing it down—can you read my shorthand? BOBBY I could if I wanted to— FLORRIE You’re going with Fred to a dance or a supper-club—you see?—and then Rims will come in and ask you to stay with him this evening—and you’ll say yes, you’ll call it off when Fred telephones—and then I’ll telephone—isn’t it easy? BOBBY It doesn’t interest me. FLORRIE Then he’ll ask you to go somewhere with him and you’ll suddenly take out your hanky and begin to cry a little and say you don’t want to go anywhere. BOBBY Me—cry—me? FLORRIE Yes, darling, you. You’ll weep a little and he’ll ask you what’s the matter and try to comfort you, and— BOBBY I can’t cry on order— FLORRIE Oh, yes, you can, dear. BOBBY Anyway, I never cry. FLORRIE Well, he’ll ask you what’s the matter, and then you’ll say, “Oh, I’m so tired of—of everything, Rims—and I’m afraid I’m not very good company,”—and he’ll say, “Oh, yes, you are,” and he’ll put his arm around you—or would he? BOBBY How could he help it? FLORRIE Well, after that it gets easier all the time—you just say, “Rims dear, sometimes you’re the only person in the world I can talk to—sometimes I can’t bear to be with anybody else”— BOBBY I simply couldn’t— FLORRIE But that’s exactly what you’ve got to say—and then you go right on and say, “Rims, don’t you ever get tired of poor me,—ever?” BOBBY And then he’d say “Never,” of course. FLORRIE Of course—and you say, “You’re such a darling—and it’s going to be awfully hard”— BOBBY What is? FLORRIE That’s exactly what he’ll say—“What is?” and you’ll say, “Marrying somebody else!” Then he’ll draw back and say, “You getting married?” and you’ll say, “Oh, Rims, a girl has to get married sometime, you know, while she’s got chances,” and he’ll say, “How many chances do you get in a week?” or something like that, and you’ll say, “I’ve had two every other week for two weeks,” or something, and he’ll say “Now kid, you don’t mean you’ve set to marry somebody?” and then you’ll say— BOBBY Oh, no, I won’t— FLORRIE Yes, you will, dear, you’ll say, “Fred wants me to marry him, and he’s awfully in love with me and I don’t want to go on working forever,” and he’ll say, “Well, if you’re getting married this season, why not marry me?”—and there you are— BOBBY No, because he wouldn’t say it— FLORRIE Why not? BOBBY Because he isn’t such a sap for one thing, and for another I don’t think it’s fair and I wouldn’t do it. FLORRIE My darling, how do you think people get married? BOBBY I don’t know. FLORRIE I’ll say you don’t— BOBBY Honestly, do you think a person of any sense would fall for a deliberate trap like that? FLORRIE Why, honeybunch, hundreds of thousands of them fall for it every year. [_The doorbell rings._] There’s one coming now. I’m running along, dear. And, look, I’m leaving those notes—see?— BOBBY You’d better take them— FLORRIE Shut the note-book if you feel scrupulous—you’ll probably remember the system anyway— it comes natural—Bye-bye! I’ll just pass him in the door. [_She goes out._] Oh, pardon me! RIMS [_Off-stage_] That’s all right! FLORRIE [_Off_] I was just going out. RIMS [_Off_] Is Miss Halevy in? FLORRIE [_Off_] Miss Halevy? Oh yes.—Bobby! BOBBY Yes. FLORRIE [_Off_] Someone for you— RIMS [_Off_] O’Neil’s the name— FLORRIE [_Off_] Mr. O’Neil— BOBBY Oh, Rims, come in! FLORRIE [_Off_] Goodbye, dear— BOBBY Goodbye, Florrie—[_Rims enters_] Hello, Rims. RIMS Hello, darling! Say! BOBBY You say it! RIMS Flaming youth! Bobby, you’re a dream in that! Stand still and let me gaze at you! BOBBY You like it? RIMS Do I? Why haven’t I seen you in that before? BOBBY I just made it. RIMS You made it? Say, I wish you’d make my clothes for me for a while. I’d have them falling for me from the third story windows! BOBBY Oh, any old clothes will do in Buenos Ayres. They say they fall easy down there. RIMS Yeah? BOBBY They say it’s the climate. RIMS I’ll bet the climate can’t raise ’em any sweeter than you are because they don’t come any sweeter—Say, you were stepping out somewhere, weren’t you? BOBBY No, I wasn’t. RIMS Sure, your sister said you had a heavy date on. BOBBY Well, I didn’t. RIMS You’re a poor liar, kid, if that’s anything against you— BOBBY But I say I didn’t have a date— RIMS What’s the dress for—just trying it on? BOBBY No, it was to settle a bet— RIMS I’ll bet it was—Anyway I’m sorry for the other guy and it’s sweet of you to turn down a dance for me— BOBBY Wait a minute. I haven’t turned it down yet— RIMS Is he coming for you? BOBBY He’s going to telephone. RIMS Aw, give him the air, sweetheart. I want to talk to you. I haven’t seen you for a week. BOBBY All right. Only it isn’t my fault you haven’t seen me, you know— RIMS [_As he turns chair around and sits right center facing Bobby_] Gee, nobody’s seen me. I haven’t been able to see myself in the mirror the rate I was travelling. I’ve learned more about the Argentine in the last week than I ever knew about New York—principal cities, population, theatres, cabarets, rates of exchange, sheet music sales, what the girls like to dance to, how late they stay up—you ought to hear old Juan giving me a quiz— BOBBY So you’re really going? RIMS It certainly looks that way—of course, the boss hasn’t actually O.K.’d it yet but he seems to be sold on it— BOBBY Oh, so far as he’s concerned it’s going through. RIMS How do you know? BOBBY Well, I found out. RIMS Great stuff! Has he settled on me to go, do you know? BOBBY Oh, absolutely! RIMS You know I don’t know a damn thing about it; old Juan’s been coaching me but I’m pretty dumb, I guess. And there’s a lot of fellows at the office that rank me for experience—But say, that’s great, kid. BOBBY Of course, it’s in confidence.— RIMS Sure thing. How’d you find out? Dictation? BOBBY He told me. RIMS He didn’t talk it over with you? BOBBY I had dinner with him. RIMS Say, that’s not so good, girlie. That bird’s a pirate. BOBBY Well, I have to have dinner with somebody, don’t I? And you haven’t been giving anybody much competition— RIMS It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, though. You know every night I’ve thought maybe I could get away and then some damn complication fixed it so I couldn’t. BOBBY Oh, I know. RIMS You know I haven’t seen you since—Well— BOBBY Think hard. RIMS Gosh, it seems like a month. BOBBY Just a week ago tonight. RIMS You’re right. And Mengle sprung this thing on me the next day. You mean I haven’t seen you since that night on the bus? BOBBY Really, don’t you remember? RIMS Gee, I’m a wash-out, girlie; this thing’s wrecked me. Say, I wish you were coming along. BOBBY Maybe Mengle’ll let you have a stenographer— RIMS No chance, I guess. He’s doing this on a shoe-string—the way he does everything. Anyway, I’m not the boss—Old Juan’s in charge; I’m just a kind of super-cargo. They’ve got to have somebody that can write English . . . well . . . it was certainly a nice Spring while it lasted. BOBBY The best I ever had, Rims. RIMS Me too. You know Bobby, I’ll never see a Fifth Avenue bus without thinking of you, never. BOBBY You won’t see one for a while, though. RIMS That’s true—but a postcard of Grant’s Tomb or the Soldier’s and Sailor’s monument would do just as well— BOBBY I’ll send you one with an X to mark the spot on it. RIMS Which spot, though? The route’s sprinkled with ’em. BOBBY Well, where you said your poem to me, for instance. RIMS Yeah? Well, it wasn’t much of a poem if you ask me. BOBBY Rims, it was a lovely poem! RIMS I thought it was pretty good at the time—but I guess it was pretty rank—I don’t think I’m going to try poetry again for a while— BOBBY Not till you fall in love again, I suppose. RIMS No, that’s the kind of thing only happens once. BOBBY Anyway, it’s the only poem anybody ever wrote for me—[_She says it musingly._] When Bobby comes to the office The boss takes off his frown; She wears a coat of powder blue And a powder blue gown. She sits upon her office chair— RIMS You always make me think it’s good, the way you can say it—[_The telephone rings_] If that’s your playmate tell him you’re busy, will you? BOBBY Do you want to stick around, really? RIMS Sure I do. BOBBY [_At the telephone_] Hello. Oh, yes. Why, Fred, [_She turns her back on Rims_] I’m awfully sorry, but I can’t go. No, really I can’t. No, don’t come over, please. It isn’t that. I’ll tell you when I see you. I’m awfully sorry. Yes. Goodbye. [_She hangs up and turns to face him, radiant._] There! RIMS You’re a brick, Bobby. Are you sure you didn’t want to go? BOBBY If I’d wanted to—I would have. [_There is a pause._] RIMS I’ve been wanting to talk to you. BOBBY What about, Rims? RIMS Do you think it’s a good thing—me going to South America? BOBBY It’s an awfully good opening. RIMS Well, what I mean is, don’t you think it’s a good thing for a young fellow to see the world a little when he gets a chance—just so he can kind of make up his mind what he wants to do? BOBBY Surely. RIMS That’s why I’m going, really. Oh, I’m not sure it’s any great shakes of an opening, but I never have been much of anywhere and it’s a chance—well, it’s a kind of adventure, don’t you see? BOBBY Surely. RIMS [_At a loss_] That’s why I’m going. BOBBY Yes. [_A pause._] RIMS And, kid— BOBBY Yes? RIMS [_Placing a hand on her arm_] You certainly have been wonderful to me. BOBBY We did have a good Spring together, didn’t we? RIMS You were certainly marvellous. [BOBBY _looks at him, and then turns away_.] BOBBY Well, it’s Summer now. RIMS Yep. But that’s no reason you shouldn’t give me a kiss, is it? BOBBY I guess not. [_They kiss._] Maybe you’d better run along, Rims. RIMS Why so, sweetie? The night’s young. BOBBY Well—[_She looks down and her eye falls on Florrie’s notebook. She looks at it fascinated. There is a pause._] RIMS [_Lightly_] What you studying, Bobby? BOBBY Nothing. Only—oh, I’m so tired of everything, Rims, and I’m afraid I’m not very good company. RIMS Oh, yes, you are. BOBBY Rims, dear— RIMS Yes. BOBBY [_She looks back at book_] Rims, sometimes you’re the only person in the world I can talk to. Sometimes I can’t bear to be with anybody else. RIMS Gee, kid. BOBBY Rims, don’t you ever get tired of poor me, ever? RIMS Never, I should say not. BOBBY You’re such a darling. RIMS Well, I wouldn’t say that. BOBBY But you are, [_She turns and glances at the notebook_] and it’s going to be awfully hard. [_A pause._] RIMS What is, sweetheart? BOBBY Marrying somebody else. RIMS You getting married? [_His hand drops from her shoulder_] BOBBY Oh, Rims, a girl’s got to get married sometime you know, while she’s got chances. RIMS I suppose you get chances all right. BOBBY Yes. RIMS Do they come fast? BOBBY I’ve had two—every other week, for two weeks. RIMS Say, look here, you don’t mean you’re making up your mind to marry somebody in particular? BOBBY Well, Fred wants me to marry him, and he’s awfully in love with me, and I don’t want to go on working forever. RIMS I see. Yeah, I see. I didn’t know you felt that way. BOBBY [_Breaking away_] Well, I don’t, really. I was just—I was just joking. You’d better go, dear. I wouldn’t marry anybody. I wouldn’t marry—anybody. Not even you. RIMS You wouldn’t? BOBBY No, I wouldn’t! RIMS Oh, yes, you will. I mean— BOBBY Do you want me too? RIMS Sweetheart—I don’t want anything else. [_They kiss._] BOBBY [_Breaking away and crying on his shoulder_] But you’re—you’re going to South America— RIMS [_Still holding her_] South America can go to the devil—! Somebody else can go to South America! CURTAIN ACT TWO _The_ O’NEILS’ _kitchen-dining room. There is the back door right, reached by passing through a shallow closet with props, brooms, pails, etc. Down right facing up center is a small chair. Up right is the stove and beside it a kitchen table. Next to the kitchen table is the sink with a rack of Gold Dust, Rinso, etc., above it. Left is an arch, with French-windows leading to living room, and front door. This has a table, a standard lamp, and an armchair visible. There are windows up right and up left._ BOBBY _is standing left by table clearing the dishes away after supper_. RIMS _is off left in the living room_. RIMS [_Off left_] Where the devil are my pipe cleaners? BOBBY I should know. RIMS Well, I certainly put some here and I didn’t move ’em. BOBBY Oh, dear, I took all the things off that desk because I had to set the lamp somewhere when the folks came— RIMS [_Off_] I knew you took ’em. BOBBY Why, Rims, I didn’t take them. I moved them because I had to. What do you think I did with them? RIMS [_Off_] I give up. BOBBY [_Going in to help him_] Silly. I’ll find them. RIMS Oh, hell, I’m all out of tobacco. Where’s my cigarettes? BOBBY [_Re-entering_] Oh, here they are. Mine were all gone. RIMS Gosh, there’s only one left. BOBBY [_She picks up her cigarette_] That’s all right. I’ve got one. RIMS Yeah, but I had half a package here. BOBBY I know. I asked you to bring me some last night, but I guess you forgot it.— RIMS [_Lighting cigarette_] Well, I didn’t really forget it, only I was running so low on cash— BOBBY But you got paid to-day. RIMS Yeah, only I did forget ’em this afternoon. BOBBY You see. I thought sure you’d bring some, dear. RIMS [_Throwing match in ash tray, and smoking contentedly_] It’s all right. BOBBY I don’t see how you could be low in cash. You don’t eat it all, do you? RIMS What do you expect on five dollars a week? BOBBY You never seem to have any money. RIMS Well, now, the truth is, I took a couple of passes at peanuckle last week, and they ruined me. BOBBY But, Rims, if you do that— RIMS Hell, I’m not dead yet, you know. BOBBY We’ve got to stick to the budget, dear, or we’ll never come out even. I’ve been over everything this afternoon and it’s awfully close figuring. RIMS We’re going to be lucky if we get by. BOBBY [_Flashing_] I wish you wouldn’t talk that way, Rims. There’s no luck about it. It’s just figures. [_She gets out her account book._] Listen—this is the way it adds up. RIMS Say, kiddie, spare me the horrible details. BOBBY No, it’s the treasurer’s report—you’ve got to hear it or we can’t co-operate. RIMS You know I’ve tried that and it doesn’t do any good. BOBBY But you didn’t stick to it, then! RIMS Hell, I couldn’t. Every time I thought I had it all worked out some damn thing would come along and sink me for a month. I know. BOBBY Well, listen, anyway. RIMS All right. BOBBY Well, we get $240 a month and when there’s five weeks in a month we get $300. RIMS Sounds like too much money—how much is it in a year? BOBBY Don’t interrupt. Two hundred and forty a month and out of that we pay sixty for rent, about thirty-five for groceries, forty on the furniture, twenty for your allowance, ten insurance, about six for gas and light, and about three for ice. And it comes to a hundred and seventy-four. RIMS You must have left something out. BOBBY [_Still intent_] Please! A hundred and seventy-four from two hundred and forty leaves sixty-six dollars— RIMS Then how do I happen to be broke all the time? BOBBY Of course, if it doesn’t interest you— RIMS Sure it interests me, Bobby. You know, I’ve got a great idea, girlie. How about a little game of black jack for that sixty-six dollars? BOBBY Rims, you idiot! If you don’t take me seriously I’ll never—never—You can take care of your own dirty old money! I can earn some for myself! RIMS Ah, take it easy, Bobby. I was only fooling. BOBBY Will you really listen? RIMS Sure I will! Geez, I’ve been listening. BOBBY Oh, it isn’t any use. You don’t think it matters . . . but I _know_ it does. RIMS [_Mock-serious_] Don’t I know it matters? Why, kid, if you can figure out how we can save sixty-six a month—well—you’re good. BOBBY I didn’t say we could save that much. We have to use that for clothes and dentist and doctor’s bills and extras— RIMS No, say, there’s certainly something wrong here— BOBBY But just a minute. I _know_ we’ll just throw it away and never know where it goes if we don’t use some system, so I want you to write down everything you spend and I’ll do the same and every evening we’ll go over it— RIMS I see a long row of pleasant evenings ahead— BOBBY But I mean it, dear. I’ve been thinking about it all day. RIMS [_Definite_] Well, that part’s out. BOBBY What part? RIMS [_He puts out his cigarette_] About writing it all down. That’s out. No, thanks. I knew a guy that did that. BOBBY I think it’s very sensible. RIMS [_Flaring up_] And make me accountable to you for every cent I spend? BOBBY Oh, is _that_ the way you look at it? RIMS That’s what it amounts to, isn’t it? BOBBY [_Rising_] Well, then, I guess we won’t discuss the matter any further. I’ll finish the dishes. [_Pause._] RIMS [_Taking notebook and studying it_] No, wait a minute. There’s something away out here. BOBBY [_Busy with the dishes_] It doesn’t matter. RIMS Well, look here! Where do you get that two forty a month stuff? We don’t get any two forty a month. BOBBY I’ve gone over and over everything. RIMS I know, but you’re wrong. I get forty dollars a week. Four times forty’s just 160 . . . [_A pause._] BOBBY Oh! . . oh . . . oh, what a fool! I know what I did—but I could never tell you—I must have put down sixty a week to start—but you’d never see how I could— RIMS It makes a hell of a big difference, I’ll say— BOBBY Oh, I’m such a fool. It was just because Mengle had spoken of a raise—and I started to figure it on the basis of a new salary—and then I forgot and thought I’d started with forty dollars—no, I can’t see how I did it! [_Suddenly face to face with it._] Well, then, there’s just no use, you see. We get 160 and our expenses are 174 and— RIMS Well, that’s round numbers, you know. BOBBY We’ve just got to cut everything away down. Rims, we can’t live on 160 a month. RIMS Well, some months it’s more. Extra pay-days. BOBBY I suppose that’s what’s saved us so far. RIMS And then I’m going to get more, too, you know. BOBBY I hope so. RIMS And, I do—I do appreciate it—you’re taking the trouble to figure it all out—only it’s a kind of a blow too. [_He rises._] I didn’t know it was so close. Gosh, I never used to have any money troubles to speak of—I just ran along— BOBBY Well, so did I. I wish I hadn’t quit my job. RIMS Well, we both couldn’t work in the same office after we got married. It doesn’t go somehow. BOBBY It would have been embarrassing, but—it wouldn’t really matter. RIMS Well, I’d mind if you didn’t. It would make it look as if I weren’t man enough to—to support my wife. BOBBY How I hate that word. RIMS What word? BOBBY Wife! I won’t be a _wife_! It sounds so fat and stupid! I wish we hadn’t _got_ married! I wish you’d gone to South America. RIMS —Well, you haven’t got anything on me. BOBBY [_Gently_] No, I didn’t mean that, dear. It’s not true. RIMS As a matter of fact, I meant to go to South America. BOBBY I know. RIMS And then I went to see you—and I guess I just had to have you—that’s all. BOBBY [_Burying her head on his shoulder_] No, it was me. I had to—have you. It was my fault. RIMS [_Holding her close_] No, I knew what I was doing all right. And hell, I—I still feel that way. You look like a million dollars to me every time I see you. BOBBY [_Looking up at him_] Darling, you do love me, don’t you? RIMS Honest, kid, nobody ever loved anybody the way I love you. I’m just silly about you. I think about you all day long. And then I come home at night and—[_He turns away_] we get into some goddam mess—and it just shoots the works— BOBBY I know. It’s just the same way with me. I think all day how marvellous it’s going to be when you come home—and then you get here—and I don’t know—it isn’t marvellous at all—It’s just a house and we’re just married people—and—sometimes I hate it—everything’s getting spoiled— RIMS I guess it’s mostly relatives and—money. BOBBY And pipe cleaners and clothes—and meals and—dishes—oh, I haven’t touched those dishes yet— RIMS Anyway, you’re marvellous, kid. You really are. BOBBY Even when I’m doing dishes? RIMS Even when you’re doing dishes. And just to prove it I’m going to help you with them. BOBBY I don’t want you to have to do dishes. RIMS Gee, I wish you didn’t have to. BOBBY I even wish you never had to see me doing dishes. I almost wish I was somebody else’s wife—so you could be my lover—and come to see me when he wasn’t home— RIMS Well, I don’t know about that— BOBBY No, not really, I mean: but don’t you see it would be better—because you’d always like me then—and you’d always want to see me and we’d have to scheme and meet places and you’d hate the old brute that owned me. RIMS The only trouble is I’m the old brute that owns you— BOBBY Only you’re not an old brute—but if you were—oh, I’d have the handsomest, dearest lover—just like you! RIMS I guess you mean it for a compliment so it’s all right— BOBBY Oh, I do. He’d be wealthy, you see— RIMS Who would? BOBBY The brute would, and I’d have all the men in the world to choose from—and I’d take Rims. RIMS If you feel that way, what do we care if we’re poor. BOBBY Ain’t it the truth? RIMS [_His arms round her_] And you can lose my pipe-cleaners and add up wrong and have relatives to dinner and smoke my cigarettes forever and I won’t get mad. BOBBY I guess it was me got mad. I always do. RIMS Compared to me you never get mad. BOBBY [_Smiling and going back to the dishes_] Only I don’t think my relatives are so very terrible, do you? RIMS I guess not. No more’n most relatives. BOBBY And they don’t come here so very often, do they? RIMS Well, they were here last night. BOBBY Yes. RIMS And the night before that. _And_ the night before that. BOBBY Yes, it is true. It’s partly because Florrie helped plant the garden. RIMS You know the old man’s all right, but that sister of yours does kind of give me the pip, and what that Willy boy ever married her for is more than I can figure out. They actually think they own this place just because they saw it first. BOBBY [_Going to him_] Darling, as soon as the lease runs out we’ll move. RIMS When do we pay the rent? BOBBY It’s due day after tomorrow. RIMS Could it wait? BOBBY It won’t have to. With to-day’s money we can just do it. RIMS Well, I was going to ask you—they’re having a stag blow-out for old Juan—he’s just back from South America and he’s retiring and the boys are getting him something, chipping in, you know. Do you think I could take five out of the rent money? It’s two dollars a plate and they’re chipping in about three. BOBBY Now, why should you give Juan anything? RIMS Well, he was pretty good to me, Bobby—and after the way I dropped out of the South America thing I don’t want to look like a crab. BOBBY When is it? RIMS Wednesday. BOBBY Wednesday? Really? RIMS Yeah. BOBBY That’s funny. RIMS Why? BOBBY Guess who called me up to-day? RIMS Fred? BOBBY No. . . . Mengle. RIMS The boss—? What did he want? BOBBY Well, first he wanted to know if I’d come back and work for him— RIMS [_Belligerently_] Oh, he did, did he? I’d like to see you— BOBBY Well, I said no, and he said, “Come down and see me sometime,” and I said, “All right,” and he said “Why don’t you come and have dinner sometime,” and I said, “No, thanks,” and he said, “How about Wednesday night?” RIMS What did you tell him? BOBBY I told him I’d call up and let him know. RIMS Why didn’t you tell him to go to the devil? BOBBY Well, I’d been going over these figures and I thought if our income was doubled—how easy it would be—and if I just took my job back— RIMS Get this from me right now, kid. I won’t have you sitting in Mengle’s private office taking dictation. It was bad enough before we were married. BOBBY Well, I guess I’ll do as I please about that, my dear. RIMS You will not! You’ll do as I tell you. BOBBY [_Icily_] I might if you asked me nicely, but— RIMS I’m not asking you! I’m telling you, and that’s once for all! And you won’t go to dinner with him, either! BOBBY I didn’t intend to go to dinner with him, but if you say you won’t let me, I certainly will. RIMS Oh, no, you won’t. BOBBY Yes? RIMS Yeah, that’d put me in a nice position, wouldn’t it? Me at the banquet and you dining alone with Mengle. BOBBY Well, I’ve had dinner with him before and it didn’t seem to hurt your position much. RIMS That was before we were married! BOBBY Well, Good God, what’s the difference? RIMS You know damn well what’s the difference. BOBBY Oh dear, we’re quarreling again—over nothing. RIMS You call that nothing! Anyway, what the hell do I care if we are? I come home here every evening just because you’re here—and what thanks do I get for it? They had a game going over at Perry’s and I certainly wish I’d gone. BOBBY I certainly wish you had. I suppose you come home every evening just to keep me company—because you’re afraid I’ll be lonely— RIMS Sometimes I do. BOBBY Well, go to your game. I won’t be lonely. Any time you don’t come home I can amuse myself plenty. RIMS All right! BOBBY I had a bid out myself to-night if you want to know. RIMS Who was it? BOBBY Don’t you wish you knew? RIMS Was it Mengle? BOBBY No it was Fred. He said he was all alone at the club party to-night and he wished I was going to be there. RIMS Are you going? BOBBY Why, darling, I was staying home _to keep you company_. But I wouldn’t mind seeing another man once in a while—now that’s the truth. [_The door-bell rings_] I wonder who that is? RIMS You know all right. It’s that sister of yours and her Willy boy. That’s who it always is. BOBBY _Rims!_ [_She goes out to open the door._ RIMS _puts on his coat and drops a paper from his pocket._] FLORRIE [_At the front door_] Oh, there you are. We were just going round to the back. BOBBY [_In the front room_] Hello, Florrie. Hello, Willy. WILLY [_Off_] I didn’t want to come, Bobby, but she made me. FLORRIE [_Off_] Willy, you’re making me furious! WILLY [_Off_] I know damn well they don’t want a lot of old married folks running in on ’em at all hours. BOBBY [_Off_] Come on out to the kitchen—we’re just finishing the dishes. [BOBBY _re-enters, bringing_ FLORRIE _and_ WILLY.] FLORRIE Hello, Rims, darling. RIMS [_Over his shoulder_] Hello. WILLY Hello, Rims. RIMS Hello. FLORRIE Such a heavenly night you never saw! And a lovely, lovely moon. WILLY That wasn’t any moon. That was a street lamp. FLORRIE Oh, all right, grumpie, there wasn’t any moon. There, doesn’t that prove I love him? Because there really is a moon. WILLY There is not. FLORRIE I know, dear. I’m always wrong. And all the North and South streets _do_ run east and west, and the sun _does_ rise over New Jersey, just as you said. What did you ever marry me for if you don’t like me? WILLY Yeah, this is a fine time to ask me that. FLORRIE I wish I had a perfect husband like Rims, that never got sulky. Rims, when I get my divorce, will you marry me? Shall we fly together? RIMS I’m going out and get some cigarets. WILLY Mind if I come along? RIMS Nope. FLORRIE Well say, come back after me, do you hear? WILLY [_Following_ RIMS _out_] Yeah! FLORRIE Well, darling. Did I hear sounds of family revelry,—and is the husband in a vile mood?—not really? BOBBY What did you hear? FLORRIE Only the breaking of furniture and the fall of crockery. Who wins this evening? BOBBY Who wins? FLORRIE Why yes. The evening row. BOBBY I guess neither of us won. I guess we both lost. FLORRIE Then it’s a draw, stupid. Only why take it seriously. It’s the one that takes it seriously that loses. BOBBY It’s not funny, Florrie. FLORRIE You child—it is funny. You’re going through a period of adjustment and it’s always funny. There’s a man writing for the American— BOBBY Yes, I know— FLORRIE Well, he says, there’s always a period of adjustment before it’s settled who’s to boss the other one, and the period of adjustment is just one long series of rows. BOBBY I see. FLORRIE [_Sighing_] Willy and I are nearing the end of our period of adjustment. Willy still struggles. BOBBY Then—I guess I don’t want to be married. If it’s like that. FLORRIE Of course you want to be married, my dear. We all want to be married. We want somebody to take care of us. Women can talk all they please about living their own lives—I don’t believe it. It’s all sour grapes. BOBBY It isn’t sour grapes with me. It—it just kills me to quarrel with him—and it’s always happening! Florrie, I don’t know what to do. FLORRIE There’s nothing to do. It’s quite usual. BOBBY You mean people always quarrel when they’re married, even when they’re in love, madly in love? FLORRIE Well, I never knew a case where they didn’t. BOBBY It can’t be true. FLORRIE Naturally you don’t go on being madly in love forever. Not if you’re married to the person. BOBBY But why? FLORRIE Silly, you get to know him so well and he knows you so well. You can be sort of in love with your husband but not madly in love with him. BOBBY Then I don’t want to be married. Because I want to be madly in love. FLORRIE No doubt you wish Rims had gone to Buenos Ayres. BOBBY No. FLORRIE Well, he’s yours, my dear, and he was the one you wanted, so why worry about it? BOBBY I know it can’t go on the way it is. He’ll leave me or I’ll leave him—or something will happen. We want to be together and then as soon as we are together,—it’s no use. [_She rises_] We always say the wrong things— FLORRIE Then, do you know what I think? BOBBY No. FLORRIE I think it’s time for you to begin having a baby. BOBBY But if we don’t get along together now— FLORRIE It makes everything different. It makes you so much more important, don’t you see? BOBBY I don’t want to be important. FLORRIE You want to be important to Rims, don’t you? BOBBY Yes. FLORRIE Well, if you’re having his baby you instantly become the most important thing in the world to him. Men are funny that way. They take so much credit and they feel so responsible, it’s pathetic. So long as you don’t have a baby Rims is really free, you see—and he might get tired of you—but just you tie him down with two or three good fat ones—and he’ll stay. Willy used to get rebellious, but not any more. Not since the baby. BOBBY But that’s terrible. FLORRIE What is? BOBBY To keep a man that way. FLORRIE It’s been going on a long time, my dear. I wasn’t the first to think of it. BOBBY You mean that’s why women have children? FLORRIE Why, surely. BOBBY But they want to have them. FLORRIE Oh, yes. I suppose, partly they want to keep their husbands because they want to have children, and partly they want to have children because they want to keep their husbands. Anyway, it works. BOBBY It wouldn’t—with us. FLORRIE You’re just like the rest of us. It’s a scientific fact. It works. Some morning you’ll tell Rims it’s going to happen, and all of a sudden everything will change. He’ll bring you things and mother you, and smother you with kisses, and he’ll be humble and happy and—well, you see, there’s no arguing about a thing like that— BOBBY Oh, but I couldn’t let it happen without telling him first. FLORRIE Why not? BOBBY He might not like it. FLORRIE He’ll like it after it happens. BOBBY But I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be honest. FLORRIE Of course, he mustn’t ever know it wasn’t an accident. BOBBY We’d have to talk about it. FLORRIE Really. BOBBY Yes. FLORRIE Well, he’d say no, and that would be the end of that. BOBBY That’s what I think. FLORRIE Unless—unless you did it—in a special way. BOBBY Is it another scheme? FLORRIE Scheme? BOBBY Like the—the questions on the pad? FLORRIE Well, didn’t that one work out? BOBBY Yes, only I wish I’d never done it. I wish it had happened some other way. FLORRIE It couldn’t have and you know it. Wait till some time when he’s just crazy about you—you know—and then say— BOBBY Don’t say it, _please_! FLORRIE If you think he’d see through it, dear, you’re wrong. It’s appalling what they never see through. BOBBY Oh, I wish we hadn’t talked about it! FLORRIE Well, it may not be necessary yet. But any time you’re really afraid of losing him, I’d say—[_The door bell rings._ BOBBY _goes into the living room to answer it_.] FLORRIE Well, I’ve got to go anyway. MR. HALEVY [_In the living room_] Just the old man. BOBBY [_Still outside_] Oh, hello, Dad! I couldn’t think who it would be—Where’s mother? [FLORRIE _rises, finds on the floor the paper_ RIMS _dropped from his pocket, and reads it_.] MR. HALEVY [_Outside_] She was tired. She went to bed early. BOBBY [_Outside_] Come on out. Florrie’s here. MR. HALEVY [_Entering_] Hello, Florrie. [BOBBY _enters behind him_.] FLORRIE Hello, grandfather. MR. HALEVY Shut up that grandfather stuff! FLORRIE [_In her sweetest baby talk_] Why, you precious old dear, are you ashamed of being a grandfather? MR. HALEVY Wait till you’re a grandmother, and you’ll know how I feel. If there’s anything more humiliating than having squalling children it’s having squalling grand-children. FLORRIE But he doesn’t squall! MR. HALEVY Of course not. He _coos_. FLORRIE He’s really a love, daddy. Imagine your never coming to see him! Not that I mind really. Bobby, I’ll have to run along without Willy. You can tell him when he comes back. Something I found on the floor. [_She hands_ BOBBY _the paper_.] BOBBY [_Laying it down_] Thanks,—I’m sorry you have to go. FLORRIE You’d better look at that. It’s an I. O. U. Somebody owes Rims some money. BOBBY [_Looking at the thing_] Owes Rims money? FLORRIE Well, it’s an I. O. U. BOBBY Oh. FLORRIE Don’t let the boy gamble, dear. Well, goodbye. Why don’t you come over sometime? We always come to see you and you never come to see us. BOBBY We will, Florrie, goodbye. [FLORRIE _goes_.] MR. HALEVY [_Lighting a cigar_] Well, kiddie, how’s things? BOBBY Dad, what’s an I. O. U. for? MR. HALEVY You mean you don’t know? BOBBY I knew people gave them—but how would Rims happen to have one. MR. HALEVY I’d say he’s lucky—if it’s any good. BOBBY He couldn’t have lent anybody money—because he didn’t have it to lend. MR. HALEVY Then he won it. BOBBY But he didn’t tell me. MR. HALEVY Why should he tell you everything, child? Do you think you own the boy just because he’s married to you? BOBBY But it’s for twenty-seven dollars, and to think of his not saying a word about it and we’ve been talking budget all evening— MR. HALEVY Well, ask him, ask him. BOBBY Dad— MR. HALEVY Yes? BOBBY Do you think—? I don’t know— MR. HALEVY All right—what’s on your mind? BOBBY Do you think—I ought to have a baby? [_A pause_] MR. HALEVY [_A whisper_] What! BOBBY Do you think I ought to have a baby? [=Mr. Halevy= _looks at her—then looks away and smiles_.] MR. HALEVY Jesus look down! How old are you, girlie? BOBBY Please don’t be foolish. MR. HALEVY Yes, I suppose you are old enough. That was the wrong thing to say. But looking back at my beautiful wasted youth—why anybody should want to have a baby—why anybody should even want to get married—is more than—I can ever understand.—From me, my dear, I fear you will get nothing but ribald advice and evil counselling. I’d better go home. BOBBY No, don’t go. This is serious! MR. HALEVY Bobby. I married young and brought up two lovely children. I can’t say I regret it, but there are moments, and those moments occur more frequently now that I’m a grandfather, when it appears to me that Don Juan and Casanova chose the better part. BOBBY Yes, I suppose that’s true if you’re a man, but I’m not. MR. HALEVY I used to wish you were. BOBBY Why? MR. HALEVY Now, don’t ask me to talk seriously on this topic, my dear. After all, I’m your father and I know my duty. If I said, “No, don’t have any babies,” you’d ask me if I was sorry we had you and Florrie, and I couldn’t think of an adequate reply. Anyway, fathers shouldn’t confide in their daughters. It isn’t hundred per cent—. No doubt it would be considered a kind of intellectual incest. But I can tell you lies by the yard— BOBBY Then you think having a baby—would be a mistake? MR. HALEVY I didn’t even want you to get married. BOBBY You didn’t say anything— MR. HALEVY I came near it—the night you and Rims fixed it up. I was afraid it was going to happen. BOBBY Oh. MR. HALEVY Do you know how fathers feel about their daughters when they’re growing up? BOBBY No. MR. HALEVY Well, they think—when they think about it—here I have two good-looking virtuous girls, and I’m putting in my whole life raising them up, feeding them, sending them to school—and for what? All for the service and delight of two unknown and probably disagreeable young men. So I used to wish I had sons, because they could have a good time at any rate. And then it occurred to me there was no reason why girls shouldn’t have a good time. BOBBY How do you mean? MR. HALEVY Fall in love—have your affair—and when it’s over—get out! BOBBY Oh! MR. HALEVY I told you I’d better go home. BOBBY But why not have a love affair—and get married? MR. HALEVY Marriage is no love affair, my dear. It’s little old last year’s love affair. It’s a house and bills and dishpans and family quarrels. That’s the way the system beats you. They bait the wedding with a romance and they hang a three-hundred-pound landlord around your neck and drown you in grocery bills. If I’d talked to you that night I’d have said—if you’re in love with him, why have your affair, sow a few oats. Why the devil should the boys have a monopoly on wild oats? BOBBY Yes, I see. MR. HALEVY No, I shouldn’t say that. Marriage is fine, kiddie, it’s grand. It’s the corner stone of progress. It’s the backbone of civilization. Don’t you believe anything against it. BOBBY Please, dad. MR. HALEVY But if I had talked to you that night, I’d have said, you’re too young to get married. You haven’t had any fun yet. He hasn’t money enough to support you. Why should he support you? You’re his economic equal. BOBBY Maybe I should have gone on working. MR. HALEVY Yes, and if you had gone on working and he didn’t support you, why take his name and label yourself? I don’t see it. . . . No, I shouldn’t talk that way. I take it back. BOBBY I might have lost him. MR. HALEVY Not so surely as you’ll lose him now. It used to be a love affair, didn’t it? BOBBY Yes. MR. HALEVY What is it, as is? BOBBY Grocery bills—mostly. MR. HALEVY I’m—I’m sorry. BOBBY Then—then why didn’t mother lose you? MR. HALEVY Well, maybe she did. And maybe I lost her. Of course we stayed around. We had children. BOBBY And—didn’t you like having children? MR. HALEVY Now, to be honest—children do get you—they do get you. I have to admit that,—and I suppose a man wants to have children—just to prove he’s all right. Before you have children you’re afraid something’s the matter with you—yes, and after you have them, you’re sure of it. But—you don’t go away. You see, you start one baby, just as a kind of experiment, and then you find it’s a life sentence. [_Pause_] For both of you. BOBBY But—if you have a husband—and you want to keep him all your life long—then maybe a baby is the best thing—isn’t it? MR. HALEVY You scheming little devil! BOBBY It’s true, isn’t it? MR. HALEVY Oh, yes, it’ll hold him, and you too. BOBBY You don’t understand me, dad. I’m young and foolish—and Rims is everything in the world to me and I’m afraid I’ll lose him. I can’t help being young and foolish. [_The door bell rings._] MR. HALEVY No, I suppose not. BOBBY So I guess I’ll make it—a life sentence. MR. HALEVY All right.—Only think it over. [_The bell rings again._ BOBBY _goes out to the door_.] FLORRIE [_Outside_] Hello, Bobby. It’s only us again. BOBBY Why Florrie, come in. FLORRIE I just happened to meet Willy and he said he had a message for you. [_She enters, followed by_ BOBBY _and_ WILLY.] That is, Rims asked him to tell you he’d be home late. BOBBY Oh. Oh, yes. WILLY Why, you see, he got a chance to get into a little game, so he told me to tell you to look for him when you saw him coming— BOBBY Oh. FLORRIE Never mind, dear. They all get that way sometimes. Give him rope. WILLY Sure, give him plenty of rope. That’s always the best plan. And, by the way, Florrie, I may be out late tomorrow night. Don’t look for me— FLORRIE No, you don’t, darling. WILLY I thought not. FLORRIE Why, Willy, you know you always go out when you really want to— WILLY Well, as I often say, I wouldn’t have known it if you hadn’t told me. BOBBY [_In her father’s arms_] Dad! MR. HALEVY It’s all right, dear. BOBBY I—I don’t think he likes me any more. MR. HALEVY Sure, he likes you. He’d better like you, or I’d horsewhip him. Upstart cub! BOBBY Oh, no, dad, he’s— MR. HALEVY I’d like to know what he’s ever done to deserve a girl like my Bobby. BOBBY No,—I’m not good enough for him, dad—you don’t know him.—[RIMS _enters by the back door_.] MR. HALEVY I don’t have to know him. FLORRIE Why, Rims—Hello! RIMS [_Crossing to the living room_] Hello. FLORRIE Well, can we do anything for you, Rims? Kill a fatted calf, or something? [_There is no answer. A chair falls over, and a pile of books slide to the floor._] RIMS [_In living room_] God damn it! BOBBY [_Going to the door_] Can’t I help you? RIMS No. BOBBY [_Going into the living room_] There’s nothing in that closet but your overcoat— RIMS I’m just looking for something. BOBBY All right. [_She re-enters and picks up the I. O. U._ RIMS _comes in, evidently hunting for something_.] Were you looking for this, Rims? RIMS Where was it? BOBBY Why— RIMS Yeah, I know damn well where it was and so do you! It was in my coat pocket! BOBBY Maybe it was. I don’t know. RIMS I’ll bet you don’t. FLORRIE Why, Rims, darling, what a thing to say to little wifie! RIMS [_Turning on her_] Baby talk! FLORRIE And I suppose you never talk baby talk. RIMS No! MR. HALEVY [_Turning to leave_] It was on the floor, Rims. You ought to take better care of your valuable papers. Well, Bobby, I’ll be running along. [_He goes._] RIMS Oh, stay! Spend the night! I’m going. FLORRIE What a charming manner he has with guests. WILLY [_Going out_] Keep out of it, can’t you? It’s none of your affair. FLORRIE Bobby, I’ll run along! And Rims, you’re just a love, just a perfect love. [_She goes out._] RIMS Yeah, I always liked you too! You’ve got a grand family, take it all round . . . can’t understand why your mother wasn’t here . . . well. So long. [_He crosses to the door, then pauses._] You probably want to know where I got that I. O. U. BOBBY [_Looking away_] No. RIMS Well, I’ll tell you anyway. I got it playing blackjack. I guess I’ve got a right to a game even if I am married . . . you don’t need to look so tragic. I always played cards and I’ll do it some more. BOBBY I don’t mind anything except you said you needed money—and you had some. RIMS Sure. I know. You think you’ve got a mortgage on everything I get. . . . That’s why you want me to write it down on a book. So you won’t miss anything. BOBBY Why do you have to be nasty about it? RIMS I’m not being nasty. I’m telling you a few things. You do as you please, you go to dinner with Mengle, you take back your job with him and as good as tell me if I don’t like it I can go chase myself. Well then, by God, I’ll do as I please. . . . Anyway, I didn’t get that twenty-seven free and clear. I got an I. O. U. for 27 and I gave one for 29. I was two dollars in the hole . . . I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to . . . I’m not used to telling anybody everything. BOBBY Well, don’t worry about it, dear. Run along, and have a good time— RIMS You know, I haven’t got anything against you—only I’m just not used to it, that’s all.—I guess it’s all right. I’m the earning end and you’re the paying end and we’ve got to work together. Only it comes kind of hard. . . . BOBBY It surely comes hard to me, Rims. RIMS Aw, I’m not going. [_He throws his hat on a chair._] BOBBY Why not? Run along. Have a good time. RIMS How can I have a good time—if you don’t say goodbye to me? BOBBY Goodbye. RIMS Ah, kid . . . kiss me goodbye. [_She is silent. He turns again._] BOBBY Rims! [_He drops his hat again and she throws herself into his arms._] RIMS You know, I think it’s that sister of yours. Every time she comes in the house, I see red. I don’t like your family. That’s the truth. BOBBY I wish I didn’t have any family. I wish there was just you and me— RIMS Everybody ought to be born orphans. BOBBY Rims, do you really like me, or are you just being kind to me? RIMS You know darn well I’m crazy about you. But, hell, the way everybody goes blooey— BOBBY Well then I don’t care how things go. RIMS [_Holding her_] Sweetheart! . . . Well, I guess I ought to be getting along, kid. The fellows are waiting for me. BOBBY Don’t—don’t go quite yet— RIMS All right. BOBBY Don’t you think, there must be something wrong, dear? Or else we’d be happier? RIMS I don’t know. We’re pretty happy. BOBBY No,—no, we’re not. RIMS Well, maybe you’re right. BOBBY Maybe—maybe we ought to have a baby. RIMS Good God, girl! I guess we’ve got trouble enough—you think I want to join the chain gang? A baby! Say, did you ever see a kid you didn’t want to run from? BOBBY I just thought maybe—we’d like each other better— RIMS For the love of Mike! . . . Say, kid, are you—? Are you? BOBBY No; oh, no! RIMS Well, I’m glad of that. That would—make it different. BOBBY Would it, dear? RIMS Would it? BOBBY Rims—if you knew what I wanted, more than anything else, would you let me have it? RIMS I guess it—it would depend. BOBBY Rims, dear, when a woman’s truly in love with a man—and believes in him, why then what she wants most of anything—is to have a baby with him—a baby that would be just ours— RIMS Why, darling—gosh, kid—why—you see, we couldn’t afford—say, I didn’t know you felt that way—but if you—if you do— BOBBY No, I can’t do it! I can’t go through with it! RIMS What do you mean? BOBBY [_Turning on him_] What do I mean? I was roping you in. That’s what I mean—and I can’t do it! I was afraid I might lose you, that’s all, and I thought I could keep you if we—if there was a— RIMS Oh, you were roping me in? BOBBY Yes, but I won’t do it. I won’t keep you that way. If I can’t keep you on the level, why, I’ll just have to lose you— RIMS I see. BOBBY Because—I love you too much— RIMS Did somebody put you up to that or did you invent it for yourself? BOBBY No. RIMS No what? BOBBY I just—thought of it. RIMS No you didn’t. It’s not like you. Somebody put you up to it. BOBBY Well, forget it.—I’ve been keeping you— RIMS [_Fiercely_] If it was that sister of yours— BOBBY Well, what if it was? I’m being honest with you now anyway. I’m going to be so honest it hurts. It isn’t the first time I tried to trick you. I tricked you into marrying me. RIMS When? BOBBY When you asked me to marry you. Didn’t you see it? RIMS No. BOBBY Well, it was obvious enough. RIMS Did she put you up to that too? BOBBY It doesn’t matter. I did it. RIMS All right, I’ve got her number. And yours too. It’s the last time you put anything over on me— BOBBY I don’t want to put anything over on you. If I’d wanted to. I could have, couldn’t I?—and I didn’t! RIMS Listen, kid—I think we’re going to have a showdown right here and now! A fellow gives up a lot when he gets married. As long as he’s single, he owns the earth, but when he’s married his money’s not his own, his time’s not his own, he’s got to keep on working whether he wants to or not, and there’s hell to pay if he spends an extra dime. Whenever I tired of my job I used to quit—if I didn’t like one town I tried another—and now I can’t— BOBBY Why not? RIMS Because I’ve got a wife—because I’ve got a family? BOBBY Good God—am I a family? I won’t be a wife—I won’t be a family! I’m just me! RIMS All right, be yourself! BOBBY All right, I’ll be myself—and if you think a man gives up a lot when he gets married, a girl gives up something when she gets married, and don’t you forget it! I spend the whole day here taking care of this damned house for you and cooking your meals and washing your dishes and never going anywhere because we can’t afford it—and every time I get a dime for myself I have to ask for it! It’s degrading! RIMS It’s your own home. BOBBY It’s not mine. It’s all yours. You earn the money so it’s all yours! I tell you it’s despicable! Asking! RIMS Throw it up to me I don’t earn enough! That’s right! BOBBY Well, you don’t! RIMS You knew how much I was earning when you married me. If you don’t like it, why see what you can do about it! BOBBY Oh! Oh! Well I know what I can do about it! RIMS Well, you won’t work for Mengle! If it’s my house I’m going to have my way in it, and I won’t have my wife working for Mengle! I give up a good deal to keep this damn place going and it’s going to be the way I want it from now on— BOBBY Oh, it will! Well, I still know my way to the front door! I guess I know when I’ve got enough! [_She goes into front room._] RIMS Where are you going? [BOBBY _stops in the arch, turns, and faces him_.] BOBBY [_Screaming_] You can wash your own dishes! The hot water’s in the right hand tap! I’m running along! And I’m not coming back! [_She storms out._] RIMS [_Calling_] You mean you’re leaving me? BOBBY [_In the living room_] If you don’t believe it, you watch me! RIMS [_Picking up his hat and coat_] All right. Suits me. Two can play at that game. I’m not stopping you. Got any money? BOBBY [_Re-entering with her coat and hat on_] I’ve got the rent money. RIMS If you go to work for Mengle I quit him! BOBBY [_Picking up her pocket book_] I don’t care where you work. It’s a free country. Goodbye. [_She goes out through the living room; the door slams._] RIMS Goodbye. [_He goes out the back door, slamming it. After a moment he comes in, shaken and humbled._] Bobby! [_There is no answer. He turns off the kitchen light and goes out. The light in the living room still burns._ BOBBY _comes back through the living room_.] BOBBY Rims! Rims, dear! [_No answer. She turns slowly, crosses to the living room and goes out again, switching off the light. The front door closes._] CURTAIN ACT THREE _Three weeks later._ _A bedroom in_ MRS. GORLIK’S _boarding house in East 33rd St._ _There is an entrance door at the left, a closet at the right. Near the closet an open window reveals a moonlit night and a fire-escape. There are a couple of ancient chairs, a dresser and an iron bed. The paper on the wall has been there—well, as long as the carpet on the floor._ _The stage is altogether dark save for the light outside the window. A breeze blows the curtains gently. [There is a knock at the door.]_ MRS. GORLIK [_Outside_] Are you in yet, miss? [_She enters, switches on the lights and goes across to close the window, muttering._] Never knew a girl wasn’t a born fool. Leaves her window up with all these robberies—gets all my curtains dirty—[_She inspects a pair of stockings drying on a towel rack._] T’ain’t decent! [_A door bell rings below._] [_She looks at the second pair._] Another pair. A VOICE [_From the basement_] Mrs. Gorlik! MRS. GORLIK What do you want? VOICE [_From basement_] Man on his way up to see Miss Halevy. MRS. GORLIK What? VOICE Man here to see Miss Halevy. MRS. GORLIK She ain’t here. VOICE He’s on his way up. MRS. GORLIK Well, tell him the second floor. VOICE Second floor, mister! MR. HALEVY [_On the stairs_] Looking for Miss Halevy’s room. MRS. GORLIK This is her room, but I don’t know when she’ll be in. MR. HALEVY [_Entering_] That’s all right, I’ll just wait for her. I suppose I can wait for her? MRS. GORLIK You mean you’ll wait here? MR. HALEVY Well not necessarily here—if you’d rather I waited somewhere else. MRS. GORLIK I don’t know when she’s coming back, and I don’t know as you’d better wait. MR. HALEVY What’s that? MRS. GORLIK I said, I don’t know as you’d better wait. MR. HALEVY Well you see I always decide these matters for myself, my dear Miss— MRS. GORLIK [_Positive_] Mrs. Gorlik. MR. HALEVY Yes. Well you see, Mrs. Gorlik, I’m Miss Halevy’s father. Now, if you’d rather I waited in the parlor— MRS. GORLIK There ain’t any parlor. MR. HALEVY [_Smiling_] Don’t apologize, Mrs. Gorlik. And don’t worry about me. I’m perfectly all right. MRS. GORLIK Well, if you’re her father— MR. HALEVY I am. MRS. GORLIK Then I should say it’s a very good thing you came. MR. HALEVY Yes? [_He takes out his pipe._] MRS. GORLIK Because she needs looking after. MR. HALEVY You don’t say. MRS. GORLIK [_Seeing his pipe_] You can’t smoke here, you know. Not a pipe. MR. HALEVY I beg your pardon. And so you think she needs looking after? MRS. GORLIK She certainly does. MR. HALEVY What makes you think so? MRS. GORLIK I can tell. When they come here looking for rooms late at night and when they have middle-aged gentlemen to call like she done last night—and when they smoke cigarettes—well—I can tell. [_The door-bell again._] MR. HALEVY Then you—you won’t mind if I wait— VOICE [_From the basement_] Mrs. Gorlik. MRS. GORLIK What do you want? VOICE Another gentleman to see Miss Halevy. MRS. GORLIK I’ll be right down! [_She goes out._] VOICE He’s coming up! MRS. GORLIK [_Outside_] Are you the gentleman to see Miss Halevy? RIMS [_Outside_] Miss Halevy hell, I’m here to see Mrs. O’Neil. [_He enters and sees_ MR. HALEVY.] MRS. GORLIK There ain’t any Mrs. O’Neil here. And besides—[_She stops, seeing they know each other._] MR. HALEVY Hello, Rims. RIMS Hello. [MRS. GORLIK _goes._] MR. HALEVY Bobby coming in soon? RIMS I don’t know. MR. HALEVY Because if she is I’ll run along. I didn’t know you two’d got together. RIMS Me? I haven’t seen her. MR. HALEVY Oh, I see. RIMS Yeah. I came in on the chance she might be here. MR. HALEVY So did I. RIMS You know when I first came in, I thought you were Mengle. MR. HALEVY Well, how is Mengle for looks? RIMS I’m no judge. I hate the face off him. MR. HALEVY What made you think he might be here? RIMS That’s all right. MR. HALEVY Maybe you under-estimate Bobby. RIMS You think so? MR. HALEVY Or, maybe I under-estimate you. What made you think Mengle might be here?—[RIMS _doesn’t answer_.] All right! RIMS [_Rising_] Listen, do you think I’ve been having an easy time these last three weeks? MR. HALEVY I don’t know. RIMS Maybe you think I’ve been having the time of my life. My wife’s left me. Now’s my chance to step out, I suppose—why not? She does. MR. HALEVY That’s funny! RIMS Yeah! MR. HALEVY Because if there was any one thing in the world she wanted it was you. RIMS How do you know? MR. HALEVY I know. RIMS Listen, Mr. Halevy. I called her up. She said I can’t see her. Then I tried having some fun, but it wasn’t any good. I don’t want to play cards. I don’t want anything else in the world except her. And—she’s gone. She doesn’t need me. She’s having a good time. MR. HALEVY You’ll have to prove that to me. RIMS Prove it! I hung around the office last night. I had to see her. And what happened? She comes out with Mengle—and they went to dinner together—Jeez— MR. HALEVY Well—? RIMS Well—She didn’t see me. So I followed them. And after dinner she let him bring her home. He brought her here in a private car—with a chauffeur. I guess that’s what she wants. I don’t earn enough. She’s got to have a private car—with a chauffeur. MR. HALEVY Oh, no—no—no. RIMS Well, anyway, I waited outside. And pretty soon he went away. God, I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I used to have a little sense. About girls, anyway. Now I act like a damn dummy. You don’t know what it’s like! MR. HALEVY Don’t I? RIMS Does everybody go crazy this way? MR. HALEVY [_Lighting his pipe_] Every last one of us. RIMS You know, when I came in and thought Mengle was here, I was going to beat him up. MR. HALEVY No, no—that wouldn’t do any good, you know. RIMS No. But it’d be a lot of fun. MR. HALEVY You’re lucky, Rims. You young fellows don’t know how lucky you are. When a man’s young he makes love—when he’s middle-aged he makes money—or tries to—and when he’s old he makes his soul. I never could make any money to speak of, so I suppose it’s about time I began to make my soul. But I’d rather be young—and make love to a girl that was in love with me. There’s nothing like it. RIMS She’s not in love with me, Mr. Halevy. That’s the hell of it. If she were, she wouldn’t have gone away. MR. HALEVY Well, you went away, too, didn’t you? And you were in love with her? RIMS Yeah. But— MR. HALEVY Maybe she left you because she was in love with you. [RIMS, _more or less taken aback at this idea, pauses for a moment, then reaches for his hat_.] Where are you going, Rims? RIMS I’m going to take a walk around the block. [_He starts to the door and meets a chauffeur who is carrying a package._] THE CHAUFFEUR I’ve got a package for Miss Halevy. RIMS You mean Mrs. O’Neil. She’s not here. THE CHAUFFEUR They said the second floor. RIMS Yes, this is her room, but she’s not here. Anything I can do for you? THE CHAUFFEUR No. This thing’s got to be delivered personally. RIMS Then I guess you’ll have to come back. THE CHAUFFEUR Yeah? RIMS Yeah! THE CHAUFFEUR [_He disappears_] All right! RIMS Now what the hell is going on? MR. HALEVY What do you think? RIMS Well, that’s Mengle’s chauffeur, isn’t it? Must deliver to her personally. What the hell does that make me? [_He starts to go._] MR. HALEVY Wait a minute! Shall I tell her you were here? RIMS No! [_He goes, bumping into_ MRS. GORLIK. _She holds the door open._] MRS. GORLIK You’ll have to leave the door open, young man, [_She follows him down the hall and calls._] Matty! THE VOICE Yes Ma’am! [MR. HALEVY _puffs vigorously on pipe_] MRS. GORLIK [_Outside_] See that that door is closed after that young man leaves. All the draughts in these halls is—[MRS. GORLIK _enters left_] You’ll have to leave the door open with gentlemen call—[_Seeing that_ BOBBY _is not there_] Oh, she ain’t come in yet? MR. HALEVY [_Hiding the pipe_] No! MRS. GORLIK And the young man didn’t wait? MR. HALEVY No! MRS. GORLIK You’ll have to excuse me opening the door. It’s not one of the things I like to do—going around opening girls’ doors with gentlemen calling, Mr. Halevy. It is Mr. Halevy, ain’t it? MR. HALEVY It is. MRS. GORLIK But I have to do it, much as I don’t like to. [_Noticing he has sat down she does the same on edge of bed._] If I was ever going into this business again, I wouldn’t take girls, only gentlemen. True, gentlemen do get drunk and smash things. But I will say this for them. They do know how to take care of themselves, and you don’t have to watch them. MR. HALEVY Why do you have to watch the girls? MRS. GORLIK [_Turning to him, breathless_] Why, my dear Mr.—Well—if you knew the kind of goings on, and what was thought of girls that close their doors with gentlemen callers—well, you wouldn’t want it said about your daughter. MR. HALEVY You mean they get drunk and break things? [_The door-bell rings._] MRS. GORLIK I guess you know what I mean, all right. THE VOICE Mrs. Gorlik— MRS. GORLIK [_Rising_] Well what is it? THE VOICE There’s a special delivery letter. MRS. GORLIK Well, sign for it. Oh, never mind, I’m coming right down. [MR. HALEVY _resumes his pipe_.] BOBBY [_Outside_] Hello, Mrs. Gorlik. MRS. GORLIK [_Outside_] How do you do? There’s a gentleman to see you that says he’s your father. [BOBBY _enters_. MR. HALEVY _rises_.] BOBBY [_Kissing him_] Dad! Hello! MR. HALEVY Well, darling, I stayed away as long as I could. BOBBY [_Closing the door_] I’m glad you came. Do you like my place? MR. HALEVY It certainly looks familiar. BOBBY You don’t mean it looks like home? MR. HALEVY No. But I lived in a lot of places like this before I was married. They haven’t changed the carpet on the stairs of any one of them. BOBBY It must be different, though. MR. HALEVY My dear, there’s nothing new about these places except the girls and boys that live in them—But, I’m certainly not crazy about this. BOBBY Well, I’m not either. But they won’t take girls many places and I liked their scale of prices. [_She hangs up her coat._] MR. HALEVY You know, I walked past that little house of yours this afternoon, and it looked pretty lonely. And I felt pretty lonely, and I thought three weeks of this was about enough. So I decided to come over and ask you what about it. BOBBY Well, I wanted to be alone, and I have been. MR. HALEVY You know, you could have your old room—at home—any time? BOBBY Dad, I’ll never go home. It would be like going around in a circle. I’d be right back where I started. MR. HALEVY I’m afraid it was partly my fault. BOBBY No. I did it all with my little hatchet. I cannot tell a lie. I’ve gone back to work, dad—and I’m living here. MR. HALEVY What about poor Rims? BOBBY What about poor me? I had to be alone, dad! I didn’t dare see Rims. If I had I might have gone back to him—and then—well, we’d be right back where we were. [_A knock at the door_, BOBBY _opens it_.] RIMS [_Entering_] Hello! BOBBY Hello, Rims! MR. HALEVY Good evening. RIMS Good evening, sir. MR. HALEVY Don’t you sir me, young man. I’m only twice your age and I don’t look that. And boy, do you want to meet a nice girl? My daughter, Mr. O’Neil. A working girl, but she has class. She—[_He stops, crosses to the door, and goes out._] RIMS I guess you didn’t want me to find you. BOBBY Oh, I don’t mind. RIMS Well, I’ll tell you about that first, so you’ll know how it happened. I didn’t ask anybody where your room was. I followed you home last night. BOBBY Followed me? I had dinner with Mengle. RIMS I know you did. Christ, kid, I’ve been out of my head. I hung around the office last night to see you, and who did you come out with? BOBBY You waited—at the office? RIMS Yes— BOBBY I didn’t see you! RIMS And then he came home with you. He even stayed around a while. BOBBY I was just lonely. RIMS You didn’t look very lonely to me. I can’t stand that. After all, you are my wife. BOBBY Oh, was that why you came? RIMS No, it wasn’t. I wanted to see you. You managed to make it lovely for me! BOBBY Did you come to see me or did you come to lecture me about Mengle? RIMS Well—you had dinner with him, didn’t you? BOBBY It was just Mengle, wasn’t it? That was all you wanted to see me about? RIMS No, it wasn’t. BOBBY Then—what was it? RIMS Oh, I guess it does not matter. BOBBY That’s what does matter. RIMS Yeah? BOBBY Don’t you think so? RIMS I don’t know. BOBBY [_Sitting down_] You might—have a chair. RIMS [_He sits_] Thanks. BOBBY You have a new job I hear. RIMS Yeah! BOBBY How’s it going? RIMS Pretty well. BOBBY Oh. RIMS Well—not bad! BOBBY Jobs are all pretty much alike. RIMS Sure. BOBBY What—what business is it? RIMS Automatic mooring winches. BOBBY Oh. Oh, yes!—Are there many of them used? RIMS What? BOBBY These— RIMS Automatic mooring winches? BOBBY Yes— RIMS You’d be surprised. . . . Same salary. BOBBY Truly? RIMS Yes. BOBBY Why that’s marvellous, Rims—to change jobs and get the same salary the first thing. It is—marvellous. RIMS Not a very nice place, is it? BOBBY It’s inexpensive. RIMS It ought to be. BOBBY You don’t like it? RIMS Well, you’re here, of course. BOBBY Thanks, Rims. RIMS [_Rising_] Say, Bobby— BOBBY [_Rising, and putting the chair between them_] Yes—? RIMS Are you really as hard-hearted as—as all this kind of implies? BOBBY When was I ever hard-hearted? RIMS You know, I came over here all primed to say something, and I’m damned if I know how to say it. BOBBY What was it? RIMS I came to ask you—if you hadn’t had enough of it—and—maybe you’d come home now— BOBBY Back to the house? RIMS Where else? BOBBY No. RIMS What are we going to do with the house, then? BOBBY I guess Florrie and Willy are going to take it off our hands. RIMS What are you going to do? BOBBY Live here. RIMS And what am I going to do? BOBBY I don’t know. [_There is a knock_] Come in. [_She opens the door and finds the chauffeur with his package._] THE CHAUFFEUR I’ve a package for you, Miss Halevy. BOBBY Oh! thank you. [_She takes it._] THE CHAUFFEUR You’re welcome! [_He goes._ BOBBY _closes the door_.] RIMS So, it’s flowers Mengle’s sending you, huh? Well, you better open it. BOBBY I don’t want to. RIMS Sure, open it. Why ruin the flowers—just on my account. BOBBY It isn’t flowers! RIMS Then what is it? BOBBY [_Opening it_] It’s really something for Mrs. Gorlik. RIMS It’s a bolt!— BOBBY [_Laughing_] Yes—for the door! RIMS [_Taking out a screw driver and a hammer_] And a hammer, and a screw driver to put it on with. BOBBY Well—he said he was going to send me a bolt—but I thought he was joking. You see, when Mengle was here last night, the landlady seemed to think he was a shady character and kept opening the door all the time— RIMS Hey! Wait a minute! Let me get this straight! BOBBY I suppose he thought it would be funny. And I really did want a bolt. RIMS Yeah, go right ahead and explain. You’re making it better all the time. BOBBY Rims— RIMS Yeah, explain some more! Did you ask him for it? BOBBY I didn’t tell him he couldn’t send it. RIMS Oh, you didn’t? Well, all right— BOBBY You mean you think I haven’t any right to let Mr. Mengle send me a bolt for my door? RIMS I mean it looks damned funny to me, and it is damned funny! BOBBY Certainly it’s funny! That’s why he did it? Don’t you see? RIMS Do I see? I’ll say I see! [_He starts for the door._] BOBBY [_Stepping in front of him_] Rims, if you go now, it’s the last you see of me as long as you live. [_There is a pause._] RIMS Well, what I can’t understand is why you’d let Mengle come to your room. BOBBY Well, why not, if I feel like it? It’s my room. I can take care of myself. RIMS I doubt it. BOBBY Listen, Rims. I did want you to come. I’ve been waiting for you to come. But if you’re going to begin to tell me what I can do and what I can’t do— RIMS If you don’t know enough to keep clear of Mengle, you shouldn’t be at large. BOBBY That’s just the point. I do know enough to keep clear of Mengle. Only I’m on my own now, and I’m going to use my own judgment. RIMS Such as it is. BOBBY Exactly. Such as it is. You use yours such as it is, and you haven’t any guardian. RIMS What’s the idea, anyway. BOBBY The idea is, I’m a free agent. Just as free as you are. RIMS You don’t care about me any more? BOBBY Yes, I do. RIMS Well, it’s all right about Mengle. I can see how it was. BOBBY It did look queer, I know. RIMS Only any time you want a bolt on your door, I wish you’d ask me. BOBBY I will—if you’re around. RIMS You know damn well I’d be around if I thought you wanted me. BOBBY [_Smiling_] Well, I wasn’t sure you would. RIMS [_Coming close to_ BOBBY] Listen, dear—about that house! That isn’t a bad little house—as houses go. BOBBY Any house is bad enough. RIMS [_Pleading_] You won’t try it again? BOBBY No. . . . You see—Oh, I wonder if I can tell you—What we wanted was a love affair, wasn’t it? Just to be together and let the rest go hang—and what we got was a house and bills and general hell. Do you know what I think a love affair is, Rims? It’s when the whole world is trying to keep two people apart—and they insist on being together. And when they get married the whole world pushes them together so they just naturally fly apart. I want my love affair back. I wanted hurried kisses and clandestine meetings, and a secret lover. I don’t want a house. I don’t want a husband. I want a lover. RIMS So that let’s me out. BOBBY Does it, dear? [_A knock. The door opens and_ MRS. GORLIK _appears_] MRS. GORLIK You’ll have to leave the door open with gentlemen callers. BOBBY Oh, yes, Rims. I forgot to tell you. The door should be open. MRS. GORLIK Of course, I understand the gentleman last night was your boss, and the old one was your father and I daresay this one’s your husband. BOBBY No. Oh, no. MRS. GORLIK [_Icily_] Then the door stays open. BOBBY Very well. MRS. GORLIK It’s ten o’clock and I suppose you know there’s no gentlemen callers allowed after ten. BOBBY Mr. O’Neil was just going. MRS. GORLIK Yes, the gentlemen are always just going!—It’s ten o’clock! [_She goes._] BOBBY I guess you’ll have to go, Rims. RIMS [_Taking his hat_] All right. BOBBY Goodnight, dear. RIMS So we’re not married any more? BOBBY No. RIMS That’s nice. BOBBY It is, isn’t it? RIMS When do I see you? BOBBY Whenever you like. RIMS And how do I see you? By appointment? BOBBY I’m not very busy—if we never had been married and I was just a girl you wanted to see sometime—how would you manage it? RIMS I could call you up tomorrow and take you for a bus-ride, I suppose. And dinner at Child’s. Wouldn’t that be grand? BOBBY I’d like it. Why don’t you? RIMS Well, I don’t want to go bus-riding—Aw Bobby, what’s it all leading up to anyway. Are we going to get a divorce? BOBBY If you like. RIMS Will you marry me again if we do? BOBBY Oh, Rims, you are a darling! You are! Would you really do it all over again? RIMS Sure I would. BOBBY But you never really wanted to get married, did you? Now tell the truth— RIMS I wanted you. BOBBY Of course you did, but you didn’t want a house. I wanted you but I didn’t want a house. And I don’t now. RIMS How do I know you won’t fall for somebody else sometime? If I leave you here? BOBBY You don’t. RIMS Oh. BOBBY How do I know you won’t fall for somebody else? I don’t. I don’t want to. You aren’t to see me unless you just can’t keep away. You used to know me so well you didn’t like me. You used to know where I was and what I was doing all the time. It was positively indecent, and we won’t have any more of it. It’s like not wearing any clothes. RIMS Well. All right. BOBBY So—now we’re really free. RIMS I said all right. I don’t give a whoop about that. BOBBY What do you give a whoop about? RIMS [_Close to her_] About you, you little fool! Can’t you see it? Don’t you see I can’t get along without you? I can’t stand being away from you all the time. I keep waking up in the night wanting you. BOBBY So do I. RIMS I want to see you to-night. BOBBY Well—? RIMS And the house is standing there waiting for us. BOBBY [_Turning away_] It’ll just have to wait, then. I got you into it in the first place—and you didn’t like it—and I didn’t like it. And now, thank God, we’re out of it. RIMS I don’t know what you want. BOBBY I don’t either. I only know what I don’t want. RIMS All right! [_He puts on his hat and goes out._] BOBBY Goodbye. [_There’s no answer. She stands still for a moment, then closes the door and sits disconsolately on the edge of the bed. There is a knock and she turns to the door. It’s only_ =Mrs. Gorlik=.] MRS. GORLIK Have all the gentlemen gone? BOBBY Yes, Mrs. Gorlik. I’m sorry—but all the gentlemen have gone. MRS. GORLIK [_Looking behind the door_] I’m just seeing for myself. Don’t you try any tricks. I try to run— BOBBY [_Over her shoulder, annoyed_] I know—a respectable house. MRS. GORLIK Don’t try any tricks. [_She goes out, closing the door._ BOBBY _sits for a moment, disconsolate, then gets her night things from the closet and climbs on a chair to turn out the wall-lamp. She starts to undress, then falls on the bed, sobbing._ RIMS _appears outside the window in the moonlight. He opens the window, climbs in softly, and tiptoes to the package containing the bolt. As he places the bolt against the door in the semi-dark he startles_ BOBBY _with the metallic click_.] BOBBY [_Looking up_] Oh, Rims! RIMS [_Pointing to the screw driver on chair_] Bring me the screw driver, will you, dear? BOBBY [_Bringing it to him_] Hush! [RIMS _starts to fit the bolt to the door_.] CURTAIN TRANSCRIBER NOTES Mis-spelled words and printer errors have been fixed. Inconsistency in hyphenation has been retained. [The end of _Saturday’s Children_ by Maxwell Anderson]