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Title: The Generous Artifice, or, The Reformed Rake
Date of first publication: 1770
Author: Philippe Néricault Destouches (1680-1754)
Date first posted: Oct. 25, 2014
Date last updated: Oct. 25, 2014
Faded Page eBook #201410M7

This eBook was produced by: Delphine Lettau
& the online Distributed Proofreaders Canada team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net




  THE
  GENEROUS ARTIFICE;
  OR, THE
  REFORMED RAKE.




DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.


  WEALTHY.
  TRUMAN.
  CLERIMONT.
  SUBTLE.
  LA FLEUR.
  A Porter.

  ISABELLA.
  LUCY.

SCENE, Wealthy's _house_.




THE GENEROUS ARTIFICE.




ACT I. SCENE I.

_Enter_ WEALTHY _and_ SUBTLE.


SUBTLE. Once more I must tell you, sir, that the only way to reform your
son, is to get him a wife out of hand.

WEALTHY. A wife! why what woman do'st think will venture on him, loaded
as he is with debt, immers'd in debauchery, and ruined in his credit?

SUBTLE. I'll warrant you there are those who would venture on him,
notwithstanding all this.

WEALTHY. But I really could not answer it to my conscience, to give my
consent even if he was starving; and might have the greatest fortune in
Paris.

SUBTLE. Upon my word, sir, your seem violently enraged against him.

WEALTHY. And have I not sufficient reason, think you? Besides, what
vexes me more than all the rest, is, that his bad conduct has been the
means of breaking off a match with a most amiable young woman, for whom
I designed him; and who, by her merit, good-nature and virtues, would
have made him the happiest of all men.

SUBTLE. By your description of the lady I should presume it was miss
Isabella whom you designed for him.

WEALTHY. The same. But I have too great a friendship and regard for her
to make her miserable. Ungracious wretch! I am resolved never to see him
more; and I charge him never to appear before me again.

SUBTLE. But after all, my dear sir, what occasion is there for all this
outcry? Your son has done no more than all the young fellows of his age
do now-a-days.

WEALTHY. Hold your tongue, sirrah! I know what reason I have to be
offended with him, and----

SUBTLE. For God's sake, sir, don't put yourself in a passion; I only
desire you to hear me a few words.

WEALTHY. Well, mr. rascal, pray what can you say in excuse for him?

SUBTLE. Ay, ay, you may abuse me as much as you please; but I shall
speak only what is reasonable. Do you think that nothing is to be
allowed for youth? Come, come, sir; you had your frolicks and your
fancies, at his years.

WEALTHY. No matter what I had, jackanapes; I am speaking of what my son
now is.

SUBTLE. Well, he is a rake; and have not you been the same?

WEALTHY. No, impudence! tho' I was all life and gaiety in my younger
days; yet my whole study was how to get money.

SUBTLE. And his is how to spend it. I am sure the one is a much more
noble passion than the other.

WEALTHY. Look'e, Subtle, one word is as good as a hundred. I have done
with him; he has nothing further to expect from me.

SUBTLE. Good, good, stay now. With all this violent rage of yours, I
would venture to lay a handsome wager that you doat on him still.

WEALTHY. I! on the contrary I hate, I detest him; I----What is the
scoundrel laughing at?

SUBTLE. Excuse me, sir, but I cannot help it for the soul of me; when I
hear so fond a parent as I know you to be, talk of hating so amiable a
son as my master.

WEALTHY. Why, I believe, Subtle, he has good principles; he is sound at
heart, hey?

SUBTLE. Lord, sir! he has the best heart in the world: and then his duty
and tenderness for you are inexpressible.

WEALTHY. I always thought it, and I have said as much to mr. Truman, but
he will not believe it; nor suffer me for some time past to listen to
the dictates of a father's love.

SUBTLE. That same friend of your's, sir, give me leave to say it, is an
implacable tyrant.

WEALTHY. He is rather too severe, that's certain; but this very severity
has been of great use to me: I have always profited by his advice,
Subtle.

SUBTLE. Sir?

WEALTHY. I could wish to place a confidence in thee, Subtle; but thou
hast so often deceived me.

SUBTLE. Never, sir! when you paid me handsomely.

WEALTHY. Rascal!

SUBTLE. Rascal? there again! I disclose myself to you without reserve,
and you call me rascal. Now, in my opinion, nothing can be a stronger
mark of a man of honour than plain dealing.

WEALTHY. And is it the mark of a man of honour to take money on both
sides too?

SUBTLE. Why, sir; when I take money from your son, it is for telling him
what you say of him; when I take it from you, it is to acquaint you with
what he does. Now, by telling him the reflections you make on his
conduct, I furnish him with so many lessons of morality for amending it:
and by giving you an account of his follies and extravagancies, I give
you an opportunity of redressing them. So that by which soever party I
am paid, you must confess I get the money honestly. Lord bless me, sir;
you cannot think what a tender conscience I have.

WEALTHY. Well! well! but to come to the point.--Tell me, Subtle, there's
a good lad; and tell me truly, what sort of a disposition is my son in
at present?

SUBTLE. Why, sir; if I am not much mistaken, he begins to see his folly;
and is heartily tired of being perpetually harrassed by his creditors
and his mistresses.

WEALTHY. I believe you are in the right, Subtle; for I have observed for
these three or four days past, he has not stirred out of the house.
Whence comes this sudden change?

SUBTLE. From a love of liberty, sir.

WEALTHY. How! can a love of liberty make a man confine himself?

SUBTLE. Undoubtedly, sir.

WEALTHY. I don't understand you.

SUBTLE. Why, then, you must know, sir; that there are four or five
honest gentlemen in daily waiting at our gate, who the instant they
should set their eyes upon my master, would most earnestly intreat him
to go along with them to a certain place on the other side the water:
nay, they would even themselves be at the trouble of shewing him the way
thither.

WEALTHY. How! what!--Has he any bad affair upon his hands?

SUBTLE. Truth has he, sir. Oh! he is most cruelly persecuted.

WEALTHY. I'm in a cold sweat! persecuted? by whom?

SUBTLE. Some old friends of his, sir; who are now become his most
implacable enemies.

WEALTHY. Who are they? Dost know their names?

SUBTLE. Ay, marry do I, as well as my own. The first is called mr.
Selvedge; the second mr. Tinsel; the third mr. Fashion; and the fourth
mr. Ragout.

WEALTHY. Zounds! what names are here? Were these fellows my son's
friends?

SUBTLE. His most intimate ones. This one furnished him with the finest
broad cloth; the other with the richest lace and embroidery; the third
made his cloaths in the most fashionable manner; and the fourth set off
his table in the most elegant taste. But alas! such is the inconstancy
of man: these very people, wearied out with shewing him a thousand
civilities, for which he never made them any return, are now determined
to shut him up in a jail for the remainder of his life, to punish him
for his ingratitude, as they call it.

WEALTHY. Ah! I understand thee; they have each a writ against him.

SUBTLE. Neither better nor worse, indeed, sir.

WEALTHY. But tell me; does he owe these worthy gentlemen any great sum?

SUBTLE. A mere trifle! not worth mentioning.

WEALTHY. Well, but what may the whole amount to?

SUBTLE. In all I believe;--stay;--ay;--in all I think it may amount to
about five thousand pounds; a little more or less.

WEALTHY. Oons! you abominable rascal! Do you call five thousand pounds a
trifle?

SUBTLE. A mere nothing for a man of your substance to pay; and for a
beloved son too.

WEALTHY. Get out of my sight! get out of my sight! or I'll treat you as
you deserve.----Five thousand pounds!

SUBTLE. Mighty well, sir:--extremely well; mr. Wealthy, this is very
genteel usage.--But let me tell you, sir, you may have occasion for my
services; and then you shall pay handsomely for them I assure you.
[_Going._]

WEALTHY. [_Lifting up his cane._] Come back, mr. rascal! I have a word
or two to say to you yet.

SUBTLE. Sir! I kiss your hand. [_Exit._


SCENE II.

_Enter_ TRUMAN.


WEALTHY. [_Walking about in a passion._] Five thousand pounds a trifle!
what a villain! He has put my blood in a ferment! Ah! my dear friend,
are you here; well, what have you done?

TRUMAN. [_Giving him papers._] Here are discharges from twelve of the
creditors. As I bestirred myself in the affair, I have brought you off
for a thousand pounds this bout.

WEALTHY. Well, we must have patience.

TRUMAN. Igad I have saved you a good five hundred; I stood to the stuff;
threaten'd, swore, wheedled. In short, the apprehensions of losing the
whole, made these blood-suckers hearken to reason.

WEALTHY. How much I am obliged to you, my good friend; and how sincerely
ought I to make this spendthrift of a son smart for the trouble and
expence he puts me to.

TRUMAN. Let him only still suppose himself over head and ears in debt;
and that you are neither able nor willing to pay them for him: and take
my word for it this will be a sufficient punishment. I know he is
already grieved to the soul, at having incurred your displeasure; and am
persuaded that in the midst of all his extravagancies, which the bad
company he has kept has drawn him into, he has still preserved a stock
of honour and duty, and is at the bottom a good son.

WEALTHY. A good son! ah, my friend!

TRUMAN. Yes, mr. Wealthy, I repeat it; a good son. Some of his friends,
men of character, and whose words may be depended upon, have assured me
that he sincerely laments the uneasiness he causes you; and is under the
most dreadful apprehensions lest you should come to the knowledge of his
being so deeply in debt. Nay, he is even at this present time using all
the methods he can devise to appease his creditors: and not above a day
or two ago he brought three of them to my house and upon his knees
entreated me to satisfy them.

WEALTHY. [_Wiping his eyes._] Upon his knees! poor boy! my heart bleeds
for him.

TRUMAN. Accordingly I paid them with your money, pretending it was my
own, and obliged him to give me his note for the payment, which I now
return you. You may suppose I promised him not to take any notice of it
to you, but at the same time I rated him soundly.

WEALTHY. I hope you was not too severe upon him.

TRUMAN. Not enough so--However if there is any truth in man, you will
see a surprising change in him.

WEALTHY. Heavens grant it, and that he may at length make himself worthy
of espousing the daughter of our deceased benefactor.

TRUMAN. That is what I wish as earnestly as you can do; and to say the
truth, I do not despair of it.

WEALTHY. Indeed! Why then let us hasten to put him out of his pain.

TRUMAN. What do you mean?

WEALTHY. To let him know that I have paid all his debts.

TRUMAN. Mercy on us! take care what you do; things are not ripe for such
a discovery yet; he must bite of the bridle a little longer. I make it
my business every time I see him, to tell him, that you have ruined
yourself for him, and that if it was not for my assistance, you could no
longer live with credit in the world.

WEALTHY. And what does he say to that?

TRUMAN. He weeps, tears his hair, and is ready to lay violent hands on
himself.

WEALTHY. [_Wiping his eyes._] Can there be a more dutiful child! I'll go
to him this instant, and----

TRUMAN. And what?

WEALTHY. Tell him I forgive him, and that I have paid all his debts; for
do you know the poor soul is now a prisoner in this house.----You smile!

TRUMAN. I do, this is a trick that I have play'd him.

WEALTHY. That you have play'd him!

TRUMAN. Yes.

WEALTHY. But how? Why? Wherefore?

TRUMAN. I'll tell you then--but heark, I hear some one coming this
way--Let us retire to the closet, and I will tell you the whole
affair.----Odso! it is your son himself; what a dejected air he has!

WEALTHY. My heart bleeds! I can scarcely support the sight; however I'll
call up all my resolution, and second you as much as possible.

TRUMAN. Be resolute and severe.

WEALTHY. Never fear me; you shall see how cruel I will be to him now.


SCENE III.

_Enter_ CLERIMONT.


WEALTHY. So, sir! methinks you are very bold to dare come into my
presence! Have I not forbid you to appear in my sight? Let me never see
you again.

CLERIMONT. Sir, you shall be obey'd. I came hither to seek for Subtle,
not expecting to meet with you.

WEALTHY. I say, I command you never to appear before me again.----Oh, my
friend, I can hold out no longer. [_Aside to_ Truman.

TRUMAN. [_Aside to_ Wealthy.] Leave the room then as quick as possible.

CLERIMONT. It is enough, sir; father, it is enough.

WEALTHY. [_In great agitation._] Father! Call me no more by that
name----for look'e, my dear boy!----I am so incensed against you----And
yet I hope----No, I hope for nothing----You are a wretch unworthy of my
tenderness----a----Farewel, my child----Endeavour to amend your conduct;
your father entreats it of you----Or by all that's sacred, I'll----Let
me begone, I know not what I say. [_Aside to_ Truman, _and Exit_.]


SCENE IV.


CLERIMONT. What can my father mean? his words and looks little agree
with one another. What am I to think?

TRUMAN. Can you not perceive that you have driven him to despair. The
poor old gentleman's brain is turned.

CLERIMONT. Sure you have not told him----

TRUMAN. Is there occasion to tell him any thing more than what your
follies and extravagancies daily inform him?

CLERIMONT. My follies and extravagancies, sir!

TRUMAN. Nay, nay, never put yourself in a passion; I could find a worse
name for them, but I am willing to deal tenderly with you still.

CLERIMONT. You are perfectly in the right, for I am not fond of harsh
expressions.

TRUMAN. Nor I of insolent airs: besides you know they cannot impose upon
me.

CLERIMONT. Mighty well, sir,----but no matter; there is a certain age,
at which a man may say any thing. However you talk rather too much like
the old man.

TRUMAN. And you act too much like a young one.

CLERIMONT. Sir, you used me like a dog the other day; like the vilest
slave that----

TRUMAN. I used you as you deserved.

CLERIMONT. As I deserved! 'Tis well! I shall remember this.

TRUMAN. You ought rather to remember what I have done for you--perhaps
it may have slipt your memory; but however my hot young sir, you may,
henceforward get somebody else to pay your debts. If any of your
creditors apply to me again, I shall send them to your father, I assure
you.

CLERIMONT. For God's sake, mr. Truman, what do you mean? Would you drive
me to despair?

TRUMAN. To despair, quotha? No, no, you are in no danger of that; but I
must tell you, Clerimont, that I tremble for the consequences of that
haughty impatient temper of yours. Odso, I should not wonder to see you
treat your father himself with disrespect, after your behaviour to me.

CLERIMONT. I would sooner suffer a thousand deaths.

TRUMAN. And why so? what reason have you to be under any restraint? The
poor man has no longer any thing to give you; and if your behaviour
should drive him to disinherit you, you can be no great loser you know.

CLERIMONT. What do you mean?

TRUMAN. That if it was not for me, he might want the common necessaries
of life.

CLERIMONT. Impossible!

TRUMAN. Will you be pleased only to set down and calculate with me what
you have cost him for these last eight or nine years only.

CLERIMONT. Oh Lord! I cannot reckon.

TRUMAN. True; but you can spend.

CLERIMONT. My father want the necessaries of life! Good God what do I
hear? And what will become of me?

TRUMAN. Oh! you will do well enough, you can live by your shifts, as
many others of your stamp have done, after spending all their substance
beforehand.

CLERIMONT. How! I live by my shifts? I descend to such baseness! No,
sir, let me tell you, when I can no longer live like a man of honour,
I'll put an end to my misfortunes. I will, you may depend upon it.

TRUMAN. And how, pray?

CLERIMONT. As every man of honour does, when reduced to the last
extremity. Live by my shifts! 'Sdeath!

TRUMAN. The expression seems to shock your delicacy wonderfully.

CLERIMONT. A soul such as mine starts at the thought of such expedients.
Besides, I am not so destitute as you may imagine. I am greatly in debt,
it is true, but at the same time I have considerable sums owing me; and
could I but venture abroad----

TRUMAN. What hinders you?

CLERIMONT. Spare your interrogations, if you please; I have my reasons
for keeping within doors; and that is sufficient.

TRUMAN. You chuse retirement, perhaps?

CLERIMONT. I do so.

TRUMAN. It is a forced choice, I am afraid.

CLERIMONT. Forced or not forced, it concerns not you.

TRUMAN. Oh, oh, I find you have taken a distaste to the world: really
this is very edifying.

CLERIMONT. Zounds, sir, do you make a jest of me?

TRUMAN. Lord bless me, how irascible you are. But I must take my leave
of you. I am going to Fashion's, my taylor; that devil of a fellow never
keeps his word with me.

CLERIMONT. Is Fashion your taylor.

TRUMAN. He is, and he is yours too, I think. Have you any commands for
him?

CLERIMONT. Only be so kind to tell him from me, that he is a damned
scoundrel.

TRUMAN. Oh, he has known that a long time. I am going also to take off
some cloth for a suit of cloaths for your father, of a very honest
fellow of a wollen-draper, one Selvedge; do you know him?

CLERIMONT. Yes, by God, I know him well enough; that is another
scoundrel.

TRUMAN. 'Odso, well remembered! Pray can you tell me where one Mr.
Tinsel lives, a laceman, I want to buy some things of him for my nephew.

CLERIMONT. Take good care how you deal with him, he cheats by the ell
and yard.

TRUMAN. Oh! he never imposes upon people of my age, he cheats none but
your young rakes of quality, and the elder sons of good families, who
take up his goods upon trust, in order to dispose of them for ready
money. An expedient you are no stranger to, I presume. It helps one out
at a dead lift, you know.----You are silent.

CLERIMONT. You are a malicious devil, Mr. Truman.

TRUMAN. [_Looking at his watch._] 'Odso! it is just the hour that I was
to be at Ragout's; there are five or six of my intimate friends, and an
elegant entertainment waiting for me. The donor of the feast does not
pay ready money, indeed, but then Mr. Ragout is the most genteel person
in his way. And now I think of it, he has a great regard for you: shall
I make your compliments to him?

CLERIMONT. Oh by all means! and pray tell him from me, that the first
time I have the honour to see him, I will wring his neck from his
shoulders.

TRUMAN. What, have you and he quarrelled? Upon my word I am very sorry
for it. Your servant. [_Exit._


SCENE V.


CLERIMONT. [_Alone._] I cannot help having a respect for an old and
faithful friend, otherwise I should not so long have borne with his
reproaches and railleries. Cruel man! I see plainly he is informed of
all my affairs, and will not fail to make my father acquainted with
them, who will no longer be able to contain himself, and what reproaches
shall I have to make myself! Good heavens, I cannot think of it without
trembling! Surely there is not so unhappy a wretch upon earth as myself!
I love my father, and I am the cause of his ruin: And for what? For
blindly giving into the extravagancies of a herd of fools, whom I
despise, and hunting after pleasures, that in the possession baffled my
expectations, and left me a prey to remorse and disappointment, with the
loss of fortune, character, and liberty. But what drives me to
desperation, is, that I cannot extricate myself out of the labyrinth
into which I have run thro' my imprudence. I have deceiv'd women, who
now persecute me with the most implacable hatred, and have rendered
myself hateful to the only woman I ever truly loved; and I have brought
a crowd of creditors upon me, that will not suffer me to enjoy a
moment's peace, nor breathe in safety the common air. And then what is
to become of my father? Oh thought! thought! thou art insupportable, I
have nothing now left, but the wretch's last resource, death, and that I
am always master to procure to myself. [_Exit._

END of the FIRST ACT.




ACT II. SCENE I.

CLERIMONT _and_ SUBTLE.


SUBTLE. What will your father say, when he knows of all these fine
doings?

CLERIMONT. As you value your life, let him not know a single syllable.

SUBTLE. I can answer for myself, but other people's tongues, you
know----

CLERIMONT. Well, we must do as we can, however, if he should take any
notice of my affairs to you, be sure you deny every thing stoutly.

SUBTLE. You may be sure of that. But pray, sir, are you under any
apprehensions of being taken out of the house?

CLERIMONT. And why that question, pray?

SUBTLE. Because I surpriz'd you just now charging your pistols. What
devilish design is forming in that brain of yours?

CLERIMONT. To shoot a certain person thro' the head, who no longer
deserves to live in the world.

SUBTLE. And pray who is this same person?

CLERIMONT. Time will shew.--I only wait 'till I have put some things in
order to execute my design.

SUBTLE. Some nocturnal rendezvous, I suppose?

CLERIMONT. No, those follies are all at an end with me now; and even if
I was as much at my liberty as heretofore, I would never quit this
house.

SUBTLE. Oh! ho! then it is vacation time with you, I find. Mighty well!
but there are some poor female plaintiffs I fancy, who will be terribly
enraged at your not giving audience.

CLERIMONT. Truce with raillery, Subtle, I am no longer in a humour to
bear with it----Leave me to my reflections.

SUBTLE. Oh! with all my heart. Throw yourself into that elbow chair, and
I will squat down in this, and then let's see who'll reflect the
fastest.

CLERIMONT. [_Speaking to himself._] Ah too lovely, too deserving
Isabella!

SUBTLE. [_The same._] Ah divine mrs. Lucy, flower of serving-maids!

CLERIMONT. Why am I so unworthy of you?--But I will not die!--The
thoughts of thee will sweeten life, and mitigate my despair.

SUBTLE. How ravishing are thy smiles! how deserving art thou of all my
tenderness, and how worthy am I of pleasing thee!

CLERIMONT. My soul, and all its faculties are thine, and yet thou
knowest it not. I shall grieve only to part with you; and my death will
give you no uneasiness: that----that----distracts me.

SUBTLE. When we are marry'd how fond shall I be of thee! I shall so
hug----so kiss----so touzle thee----so----[_to his Master_] Sir, sir,
what's the matter with you? You seem furiously agitated.

CLERIMONT. I am distracted.

SUBTLE. And I am quite at my ease.

CLERIMONT. [_Starting._] No! I will not die, till I have taken my last
farewell of her.

SUBTLE. Whither are you going?

CLERIMONT. I know not----I wish----I dread----Subtle, fly this instant
to Isabella's apartment, and tell her that I earnestly desire to speak
with her.

SUBTLE. You astonish me, what can you want with her? consider, she is a
modest young lady; you will not know how to behave to her.

CLERIMONT. Alas! it is but too true! yet no matter, she has such an hold
on my heart.----I never loved any woman but her, and to overwhelm thee
at once with surprize, know that I am still more enamour'd of her virtue
than her beauty.

SUBTLE. Her virtue? I am thunderstruck! enamoured of her virtue? I
suppose it is to ruin it that you are so fond of it.

CLERIMONT. I would sooner die a thousand deaths, than entertain such a
thought. Alas! why have I been so long without knowing, that virtue
alone is truly worthy of captivating the heart?

SUBTLE. Lord, sir, you are over head and ears in the vapours; but after
all, what reason is there to torment yourself in this manner? are you
the only young man who has been guilty of follies? time gets the better
of all these things. You think yourself unworthy of Isabella, perhaps
she thinks in a different manner; come, come, you are not the first
libertine, who has been beloved by a girl of virtue and understanding.

CLERIMONT. I tell thee, Subtle, Isabella must hate and despise me, I am
sure of it.

SUBTLE. For my part, I love her maid Lucy; I cannot say whether it is on
account of her virtue, for I never put it to the tryal, but I am very
sure she will return my passion; Adad! and here she comes, with her
mistress.


SCENE II.

_Enter_ ISABELLA _and_ LUCY.


LUCY. But dear madam, have you really taken this strange resolution?

ISABELLA. What else is left me? would'st thou have me let slip so
favourable an opportunity?

LUCY. Hush, we are overheard.

ISABELLA. Mercy upon me! so we are [_advancing to_ Clerimont]. Your
servant, sir, it is something extraordinary to find you at home at this
time of day, may I ask what detains you within doors?

CLERIMONT. Madam, I have some business that----This is a puzzling
question Subtle. [_Aside to_ Subtle.]

SUBTLE. A little malicious or so, indeed. [_Walks to the other end of
the Stage, and coquets with_ Lucy.] Good day, pretty mrs. Lucy.

LUCY. Your humble servant, mr. Subtle, why, your master and you are in
an idle humour to-day, methinks. [_Here they coquet in dumb shew._]

CLERIMONT. May I, without being impertinent, madam, ask what was the
resolution you was just now speaking of?

ISABELLA. It was, sir, to go and receive a legacy of five hundred pounds
left me by an aunt, who died lately.

CLERIMONT. I must own, I see nothing very extraordinary in such a
resolution.

ISABELLA. True; but the manner in which I propose to lay it out may
perhaps surprize you.

SUBTLE. [_Aside to his master._] If she should have an inclination to
make you a present of it, it would come very a-propos.

CLERIMONT. [_Aside to_ Subtle.] Peace! She has too much understanding to
make so ridiculous an advance.

SUBTLE. [_Aside._] Put the question home, however; that can do no hurt.

CLERIMONT. [_To_ Isabella _who is going out_.] Are you going, madam?

ISABELLA. Yes, sir; for I have no time to lose: the business is
pressing, and my lawyer waits for me.

CLERIMONT. Vouchsafe me a word before we part.

ISABELLA. What have you to say to me?

CLERIMONT. May I presume to ask one favour of you?

ISABELLA. What is that, pray, sir?

CLERIMONT. To inform me what use you propose to make of this legacy of
your aunt's?

ISABELLA. It is all the fortune I have in the world. You know my father
left me young, an orphan, and without any dependence upon earth. Your's,
with an excess of generosity rarely to be paralleled, received the
daughter of his deceased friend as his own; bred me up under his
hospitable roof; and has been a parent to me in every sense of the word.
But now that, by my aunt's decease, I am in possession of wherewithal
to procure me a comfortable subsistence, I am resolved to be no longer a
burthen to him, but to employ the little I have in such a manner as will
answer all my wants for the rest of my life.

CLERIMONT. They must be very circumscrib'd then.

ISABELLA. And so they ought to be. The articles are already drawn.

SUBTLE. What does she mean? articles of marriage?

LUCY. No, truly, quite the contrary.

ISABELLA. I am resolved to retire to a convent, where they are ready to
receive me for life, in consideration of assigning over my fortune for
my subsistence: and I declare to you, that I shall enter a convent with
more joy, than many others leave it to enter into the world again.

CLERIMONT. Good God! what can have obliged you to form so strange a
design? and so suddenly too?

ISABELLA. Can you ask that question? It is yourself; it is you who are
the cause.

CLERIMONT. Amazement! I, madam! I the cause?

ISABELLA. You, and you alone.

CLERIMONT. What is it you tell me?

ISABELLA. The truth. Say, sir; is it not you who have ruined your
father?

CLERIMONT. Who has told you so?

ISABELLA. Himself. He complains of if with tears in his eyes; every day,
every hour, every moment. It was but this very morning, in my presence,
that he sighed, and took on in such a manner as would have pierced the
most obdurate heart. It is now above three years that I have been a
burthen to him; and heaven knows with what satisfaction I now find
myself possessed of a small pittance, that enables me to provide for
myself, and rid him of that burthen; and should I not think myself to be
the most unworthy of all creatures, if I did not make that use of the
support which heaven has sent me, which my unhappy situation dictates to
me.

CLERIMONT. Alas! what you say is but too just. Farewell, too lovely
Isabella; I shall not long regret your loss.

ISABELLA. [_Angrily._] I believe you, sir.

LUCY. A very pretty compliment, truly! a mighty affectionate farewell.

CLERIMONT. More affectionate than you imagine, Lucy.

SUBTLE. [_To_ Lucy, _half-crying_.] Are folks regretted after they are
dead, Lucy?

LUCY. Why? do you think your master is going to die?

SUBTLE. Ay, and I too I can tell you, if you should follow your
mistress.

LUCY. Madam, this claims some attention.

ISABELLA. Psha! you fool; canst thou not perceive that both master and
man are making a jest of us? Is there any reason to believe, from the
life mr. Clerimont has led, that he is a man to die for love? What a
simple wench art thou, to give heed to such idle flourishes!

CLERIMONT. [_In great agitation._] Madam! madam! do not drive me to
despair. I cannot dress my passion up in apt terms to please a lady's
ear; but I am prepared to give you the most undeniable proofs of it, by
sacrificing my life this instant at your feet. I am, madam; I am--

SUBTLE. [_To_ Lucy.] I am not quite so well prepared as my master; but I
would not have you tempt me too far; pr'ythee do not.

LUCY. Lord, madam, they make me tremble!

ISABELLA. [_With an air of disdain._] Is it possible any creature can be
so credulous?

CLERIMONT. [_Attempting to draw his sword._] Well, then, cruel fair one,
if you must be convinced----

ISABELLA. [_Holding him._] Good heavens, mr. Clerimont! what are you
about to do?

SUBTLE. Make haste to prevent me, Lucy, or I shall----

LUCY. Oh! I am in no such hurry.

SUBTLE. Faith you are in the right;--I will not kill myself till I have
seen you safe in the convent; but then--look to it----

CLERIMONT. [_Hastily to_ Isabella.] Confess this instant that you
believe I love you; or----

ISABELLA. Well, well, I do believe it.

CLERIMONT. That I adore you.

ISABELLA. [_Tenderly._] Well, I will believe all you would have me.

CLERIMONT. And that I shall die with regret for your loss, if I do not
die before you enter the convent.

ISABELLA. Before I enter the convent!

CLERIMONT. Yes, madam. Believe what I now tell you, and I shall die
contented.

ISABELLA. I must confess you surprize me. I had not the least reason to
expect such a behaviour from you; but your words carry an air of truth
that convinces me; and I cannot refrain from owning that I am
sensible----

CLERIMONT. You overjoy me. To this goodness add that of promising me
that you will not enter the convent till after I have disposed of this
wretched being.

ISABELLA. Good God! what do you mean?

CLERIMONT. In all probability you will not long remain a stranger to my
meaning. Do me the kindness to assure my father, from me, how sensibly I
am grieved at having so barbarously abused his goodness. Will you
promise me what I now ask of you? I conjure you to do it by all that you
hold most dear. Once more, adorable Isabella, farewell.

ISABELLA. Yes, Clerimont, I do promise you,--I swear--I----Lucy, let us
quit this place; his looks terrify me, I am ready to faint.

      [_Exeunt_ Isabella _and_ Lucy.]


SCENE III


SUBTLE. Do you know, my ever-honoured master, that you talk in a very
unaccountable manner? And then, your looks carry such despair in them,
that they terrify every one; and me more than the rest. Give me leave to
a ask you one little question, and promise me you will not be angry.

CLERIMONT. I promise thee I will not.

SUBTLE. Well then, under correction, are you going mad?

CLERIMONT. [_Sighing._] Wretch that I am! Dost thou remember what
Isabella told me concerning my father? I am no longer worthy to live.

SUBTLE. [_Kissing his hand._] My dear, dear master!

CLERIMONT. Be comforted, Subtle; I shall not forget thy faithful
services.

SUBTLE. [_Crying._] Lord bless me, sir! what would you be at? Forget
them, forget them; so you do but live. Mercy on us! you talk as if you
was going to make your will.

CLERIMONT. [_With a resolute air._] No! I am not to be moved. I charge
thee, Subtle, not to afflict thyself: if thou dost, it will be the worse
for thee, I can assure you.

SUBTLE. Zounds! what does he mean? [_Aside._] I, sir! I afflict myself?
not I indeed. I never had so great an inclination to laugh in all my
life.

CLERIMONT. To laugh? Execrable villain! are my misfortunes to be laught
at?

SUBTLE. Oh, Lord, no sir! No, no. I--I--I neither laugh, nor cry, sir.

CLERIMONT. That is as I would have it----Here, take this letter.

SUBTLE. [_Staring and trembling._] This letter, sir! Yes, sir.

CLERIMONT. Carry it, this instant, to that Jew, that Turk, that
cut-throat, Solomon, that lives just by----

SUBTLE. Ay, this is something like.

CLERIMONT. And be sure you bring me an answer. If he should refuse to
comply with what I desire of him in that letter, fly into a rage against
him; threaten, abuse him; and, to frighten him still more, tell him he
may expect the most dreadful consequences from my rage and resentment.

SUBTLE. Let me alone to manage him, sir. I'll give him a sweat, I
warrant him.

CLERIMONT. I shall wait for your return, in order to give you another
commission.

SUBTLE. May I take the liberty to ask what it may be?

CLERIMONT. Why, I would have you take my cloaths, and sell them for what
you can get, and bring me the money.

SUBTLE. [_Crying._] Sir!--dear sir!

CLERIMONT. [_Offering to strike him._] Rascal! are you crying again?

SUBTLE. I, sir?--Lord, I am sure I would be very merry if I durst; but I
am neither the one nor the other. I will go and execute your commands.

CLERIMONT. And I will retire to my chamber till you come back; for my
father may, perhaps, come into this room, and he has forbidden me to
appear in his presence.

SUBTLE. Here comes mr. Truman.

CLERIMONT. I dread the sight of him, even more than that of my father.
[_Exit._


SCENE IV.

_Enter_ TRUMAN.


TRUMAN. Hey day! What's the matter, Subtle? you seem strangely
disordered.

SUBTLE. Truly, I have reason enough. Do you know, that my poor master's
wits are gone a wool-gathering?

TRUMAN. What dost mean?

SUBTLE. What do I mean? why, he falls into such unaccountable fits, that
he frightens me out of my senses. And I have dreadful apprehensions,
lest the rage he is possessed with should drive him to commit some
desperate act upon----

TRUMAN. Upon whom?

SUBTLE. Upon himself. Do you know, sir, that I have strong reasons to
believe he has a design to blow out his own brains?

TRUMAN. [_Sneeringly._] The devil he has!

SUBTLE. I surpris'd him, just now, charging his pistols, and trying
postures before a glass. His brain is turned, take my word for it.

TRUMAN. [_Smiling._] Seriously?

SUBTLE. Seriously. And I should not wonder in the least to find him dead
when I come back.

TRUMAN. A very moving affair, indeed!

SUBTLE. Icod, sir, you may make a jest of it, if you please; but, let me
tell you, it is a serious matter.

TRUMAN. Well, as I hope to live, the fellow puts so melancholly a face
upon the story, that it might impose upon any one who did not know him.
Your master has given you a mighty pretty part in this farce; and to do
you justice, you perform it to the life.

SUBTLE. If I was in a humour for laughing now, I could divert myself
very heartily at your pretended cunning: but, by my soul, it is no
joking matter. Do you think, pray, if he did not look upon himself as a
dead man already, that he would go and sell all his cloaths? You will
have a proof in a minute of the truth of what I say to you; for I
myself, d'ye see, am charged with that business; and am to set about it
as soon as I have delivered this letter, and brought an answer.

TRUMAN. Will you trust me with a sight of it?

SUBTLE. Most readily; besides, it is not sealed; and I am as curious to
know the contents of it as yourself, for I have not yet had time to read
it.

TRUMAN. Well, your curiosity will now be satisfied; that is to say, if
you are really ignorant of the contents.

SUBTLE. Why, do you take me for a liar, sir?

TRUMAN. I shall not absolutely say that; but this I know for certain, my
good mr. Subtle, that you are very apt to substitute the fertile
inventions of your own brain in the room of truth.

SUBTLE. And you, sir, out of your great care not to be imposed upon,
become the dupe of your own sagacity.

TRUMAN. May be so: however, let us read your master's letter to Solomon
[_Looking at it._] Upon my word the superscription is in an original
stile. [_Reads._] "To the arch usurer, Solomon." A very pretty title he
has complimented him with! "You old scoundrel!"----

SUBTLE. A very pompous beginning!

TRUMAN. [_Reads._]
      "If you do not immediately, on the receipt of this letter, deliver
      to the bearer the jewels which I pledged with you for an hundred
      guineas, of which I never received more than fifty, I swear by all
      that is most sacred to a man of honour, that I will beat thee to
      death the first moment I have the unhappiness to see thee. You
      know I am a person of my word. Think upon this, but be speedy in
      thy resolves; and, if they should be not to comply with what I
      here desire, send for a lawyer, and make thy will out of hand.
      However, I promise to pay thee the hundred pieces thou had fleec'd
      me of, as soon as I am in cash. Thus much to the greatest of all
      rascals; the most execrable of usurers; and the betrayer and
      fleecer of your's,
                                                     "Clerimont."

SUBTLE. In troth this is a curious piece to keep by one.

TRUMAN. In good earnest, my dear Subtle, this same epistle shews the
writer's brain to be a little turned.

SUBTLE. Well, you see now if I was jesting with you.

TRUMAN. Upon my word I begin to believe what you say.

SUBTLE. Sir, I am extremely obliged to you for your condescension.

TRUMAN. Excuse my distrust, Subtle; you know you have taken me in
sometimes.

SUBTLE. Why, sir, when you prided yourself upon your great discernment,
I must own I took a pleasure in trying my skill upon you; but put your
confidence in me, and if ever I impose upon you in the least particular,
hang me up for the greatest villain breathing.

TRUMAN. Will you promise this seriously?

SUBTLE. Upon my faith and honour. Only trust me, and I will sooner die
than deceive you.

TRUMAN. Well, then, here it rests, let us act in concert; and endeavour
to save your master, if possible, from the dreadful precipice on which
his follies have brought him; but he must be led back by degrees, and
without consulting his father, whose too great tenderness would
overthrow our whole scheme, and compleat the ruin of his son. Will you
assist me in this laudable design?

SUBTLE. With all my heart. You know I have some talents.

TRUMAN. Yes, yes; when you have a mind to it, no one more.

SUBTLE. Well, they are all at your service.

TRUMAN. I take you at your word. Let us begin by this business of the
jewels: and, in the first place, let me tell you that you will not be
quite safe in being the bearer of this peremptory demand.

SUBTLE. I am very sensible of that.

TRUMAN. I'll take the business upon myself.

SUBTLE. Faith you'll oblige me greatly. I am not very fond of meddling
to my own detriment.

TRUMAN. I'll go to this usurer, redeem the jewels, and give them to you
to carry to your master, with whom you shall make your court, by telling
him that you bully'd the old fellow out of them. I leave you alone to
dress up a narrative of this dangerous and hazardous exploit.

SUBTLE. You may; and if I fail, my name's not Subtle.

TRUMAN. One thing I must observe to you, which is, that there is an
absolute necessity for his being kept in ignorance, at least for some
time, of the endeavours which are used to save him; and I think you have
too great a regard for your master to betray me.

SUBTLE. You say true, sir; I love him as dear as I do my own soul; and
in betraying you, I should betray him.

TRUMAN. Spoke like a lad of understanding and integrity; henceforward I
shall repose an entire confidence in thee.

SUBTLE. And let the use I make of it speak for me.

TRUMAN. Fare thee well, I must now to Solomon's. [_Exit._


SCENE V.


SUBTLE. [_Solus._] Well, I certainly must have one of the best hearts in
the world, to renounce the pleasure of cheating this old fellow: While
he distrusted me, I glory'd in making him sensible of the superiority of
my genius, and revenging myself on him for his suspicions: but now I am
determined to serve him faithfully, and sacrifice my talents and fame to
the interest of my dear master. As to his father, it is different; I
will at least receive to myself a power of vexing him for my amusement.
And here he comes very opportunely.


SCENE VI.

_Enter_ WEALTHY.


WEALTHY. Well, Subtle, what is my son doing?

SUBTLE. What he should not do.

WEALTHY. How! in my house?

SUBTLE. Lord, where is the house in which this is not done?

WEALTHY. Why, as you say----But what new follies has my son committed?

SUBTLE. Oh! they are out of number. I shall therefore confine myself to
his last and greatest; that which surpasses all his former ones, and
will strike you with amazement.

WEALTHY. Good God! what can it be?

SUBTLE. He is in love.

WEALTHY. The devil take the fellow! I thought some dreadful accident had
befallen him. Is this all? Go, go; I know my son too well to suppose him
capable of being in love.

SUBTLE. May be so; but I can assure you he is, and over head and ears
too.

WEALTHY. Indeed! and with whom?

SUBTLE. The very lady you was wishing him to have for a wife.

WEALTHY. Isabella?

SUBTLE. The same.

WEALTHY. I can never believe it.

SUBTLE. And yet it is as true, as that I am in love with her maid Lucy.
Do you believe it now?

WEALTHY. What have I to do with your amours, mr. rascal! but as to my
son----

SUBTLE. Here she comes in propriâ personâ; ask her yourself if your son
is not in love with her mistress.


SCENE VII.

_Enter_ LUCY.


LUCY. [_Curt'sying low to_ Wealthy.] Sir, your most obedient servant.

WEALTHY. Is it you, mrs. Lucy?

LUCY. I believe so, sir.

WEALTHY. Where is your mistress?

LUCY. In her chamber, sir; very busy in receiving money.

WEALTHY. In receiving money?

LUCY. Yes, sir; your lawyer has just brought her five hundred pounds,
and very civilly told us, that as he thought we were both very pretty,
he would do our business for us out of hand. He came just as you went
out to seek him. I assure you he is very much of a gentleman, for a
lawyer.

WEALTHY. I shall thank him for his civility. But to come to another
point: tell me Lucy, is it true, that my son is in love with Isabella?

LUCY. Here is mr. Subtle, sir; he knows those matters better than I.

SUBTLE. You know, madam, what my master said to your mistress; you was
present at all that passed.

LUCY. It is very true, sir; but I looked upon it as a mere piece of
gallantry; a joke, and nothing more.

SUBTLE. May be so, madam; but permit me to assure you, that my master is
neither a man of gallantry, nor a joker; and that his declaration was
pure, simple, and sincere, as was that of your humble servant.

LUCY. [_Curt'sying to_ Subtle.] Sir, you are pleased to flatter me.

SUBTLE. [_Bows to_ Lucy.] Madam, you will be pleased to believe me?

LUCY. But, sir!----

SUBTLE. But madam!----

WEALTHY. [_In a Passion._] Zounds! what a to-do is here with sir and
madam, and madam and sir! Truce with your compliments, if you please:
do you think I have nothing to do but to stand and listen to your
impertinences?

SUBTLE. Impertinences, sir! this lady is a stranger to any thing of the
kind, sir.

LUCY. And so is mr. Subtle too, I assure you, sir; impertinences,
indeed!

WEALTHY. 'Sdeath, are you at it again; no more of this stuff, I tell
you, but let us come to the point. Do you hear, mrs. Abigail?

SUBTLE. Zounds! Abigail!

WEALTHY. Will you hold your tongue, mr. jackanapes.

LUCY. Jackanapes!

WEALTHY. 'Od's blood! I'll give a hearty box of the ear to the first of
you that dare speak, without I ask you a question. [_To_ Lucy.] Tell me,
I say, has my son made a declaration of love to your mistress?

LUCY. In form.

SUBTLE. Very true, indeed, sir; formaliter, as the Latin expresses it.

WEALTHY. Hark'e, sir; if you speak Latin, or any other language, till
you are spoken to, I'll break your bones.

SUBTLE. Do you speak then, madam; I shall have my turn it is to be
hoped.

WEALTHY. [_To_ Lucy.] Answer me truly to what I have to ask you; and in
as few words as possible. What does your mistress say to this
declaration?

LUCY. Nothing.

WEALTHY. Has not she told you her sentiments upon that head?

LUCY. No.

WEALTHY. Is this the first time my son has declared his passion?

LUCY. Yes.

WEALTHY. Do you tell me the truth?

LUCY. Yes.

WEALTHY. Yes and no, no and yes. What, can you answer only by
monosyllables?

LUCY. It is my way of answering, when I am afraid of over-talking
people.

SUBTLE. [_Laughing aside._] A fine wench! she's worth her weight in
gold.

WEALTHY. What are you saying?

SUBTLE. Nothing.

WEALTHY. You are making a jest of me, I think.

SUBTLE. No.

WEALTHY. Do you remember what I promised you just now?

SUBTLE. Yes.

WEALTHY. I shall make you laugh on the wrong side of your mouth.

SUBTLE. Indeed!

WEALTHY. [_Going to strike him, he avoids the blow._] What, you are the
ape of this baggage?

SUBTLE. I am no ape, sir; thank heaven I have the gift of originality.

WEALTHY. Well then, mr. original, answer me seriously, and without that
impudent grin upon your face, or I'll twist your head behind you, what
is your opinion of this declaration of your master's? Am I to believe
for a truth that he is in love? Speak without any fancy jesting or
affectation of monosyllables; or----

SUBTLE. [_Drawing out his words._] Since you will have me speak,
sir;--and give you a ca-te-go-ri-cal answer,--I must confess, that
after the most mature con-si-de-ra-ti-on, de-li-be-ra-ti-on, and
men-ti-ver-sa-tion, on the unhappy si-tu-a-tion of mr. Cle-ri-mont
Wealthy, your ho-nour's son, and my dear ho-nour-ed and re-ve-ren-ced
master, I----

WEALTHY. Speak a little faster, mr. rascal, if you please; or I shall
quicken the pace of that impudent tongue of your's. I had rather be
stunned with your volubility than plagued with this hesitation.

SUBTLE. Why,--sir,--as you seem to have a great an-ti-pa-thy to
bre-vi-ty, I thought a little cir-cum-lo-cu-ti-on----

WEALTHY. Lucy, fetch me a stick.

SUBTLE. A stick! oh! this is not to be borne with any longer; you shall
give me satisfaction for this insult, say I told you so. [_Runs off._]

WEALTHY. [_Running after him._] Satisfaction! an abominable!
insolent!--Come hither, rascal; come hither.


SCENE VIII.

_Enter_ WEALTHY.


WEALTHY. Was ever such a villain! he has put me into a sweat from head
to foot--Lucy!--

LUCY. You had better recover your breath a little: sir pray take your
own time, I am in no hurry.

WEALTHY. What, are you going to begin again?

LUCY. Not I, indeed;--but you put me in an ill humour.

WEALTHY. Because I would have chastised that scoundrel, I suppose.

LUCY. To be sure.

WEALTHY. I would advise you to take care how you put me in a passion, or
I shall send you out of doors.

LUCY. What do I care; I am going to pass the rest of my days in a
convent.

WEALTHY. A convent! You don't seem to have a great deal of nun's flesh
about you.

LUCY. Be that as it may, my mistress and I must comfort each other as
well as we can.

WEALTHY. Your mistress and you! Is your mistress going into a convent
too?

LUCY. Yes, needs must when the devil drives; and so I go to keep her
company. She has just received her portion; and she intends to dispose
of her jewels to raise money to pay my entrance.

WEALTHY. I'll have none of these doings; I have other things in view for
her. I propose that she shall assist me to reclaim my son from his
extravagances.

LUCY. That would be a difficult task.

WEALTHY. Quite the contrary, if he is truly in love.

LUCY. One would think he was; for he was going to kill himself, to
convince her of his passion.

WEALTHY. To kill himself! Was he in earnest?

LUCY. If not he is a great hypocrite; for I am sure he frightened us
both out of our wits.

WEALTHY. Oh! I'll answer for him he is no hypocrite.

LUCY. Well, then, look carefully after him; for he told us very
seriously, that he had not four and twenty hours to live.

WEALTHY. Good God! what do I hear? That cursed fellow, Truman, has
always kept me from explaining myself; his cruel prudence will drive me
mad. You will see that he will be the cause of my losing my son, a son I
love to distraction, and never dared to tell him so, for fear of
offending that old fool. I'll go this moment and find out the poor
child, and do every thing that he would have me.

LUCY. Sir, I am but a giddy young girl; yet I must confess I would act
more prudently if I was in your place. Here you pass in the world for a
person of great understanding; and yet----

WEALTHY. Well!

LUCY. I dare not proceed, sir; but you may guess what I was going to
say.

WEALTHY. You was going to say, I suppose, that, with all my boasted
knowledge, I have not common sense. Well, speak freely, I give you
leave.

LUCY. Indeed you have guessed at my meaning.

WEALTHY. And you are in the right; my love to my son has blinded my
reason.

LUCY. If you would trust to me, I could extricate you out of this
difficulty.

WEALTHY. By what means?

LUCY. By means of my mistress; for you must know she is entirely
governed by me----

WEALTHY. So much the worse.

LUCY. Rather say so much the better. I am determined that she shall
oblige Clerimont to return to reason. Love shall produce this miracle.

WEALTHY. It will be a new one.

LUCY. But not the less real I assure you. Leave me to manage your bark,
and my life for it I will bring you safe into port.

WEALTHY. And if you succeed, I'll give you a handsome portion.

LUCY. Where are you to get it? are you not entirely ruined, beggared, as
we may say?

WEALTHY. Never trouble thyself about that. Between you and I, but be
sure you are discreet, I am still rich enough, child, to make your
fortune.----But do you think your mistress has any inclination for my
son?

LUCY. I can say nothing to that as yet; but whether she has or not, you
may be assured that she has an heart susceptible of gratitude; and so
love may be put out of the question.

WEALTHY. My dear Lucy, you make me a happy man. I am resolved to
continue to disguise my sentiments with regard to my son, till I find
how your scheme succeeds.

LUCY. You shall soon hear from me; and if I bring you good news,
remember my portion.

WEALTHY. To maintain you in a convent?

LUCY. Hum! a spice of matrimony would not be amiss with it. But I must
take my leave, I hear my mistress ring.

WEALTHY. Success attend thee. [_Exeunt severally._

END of the SECOND ACT.




ACT III. SCENE I.

_Enter_ SUBTLE, _looking about in a fright_.


SUBTLE. Lord have mercy on us, what can have become of him! I have been
seeking him all over the house, but he is no where to be found: Sure he
can never have ventured out. Oh lord! oh lord! my dear master, where
shall I look for you? Perhaps you are in jail.


SCENE II.

_Enter_ CLERIMONT _hastily in his night gown_.


CLERIMONT. Not so bad as that yet you see.

SUBTLE. Good God! in your night gown! where the devil do you come from?

CLERIMONT. Out of my closet, where I had locked myself in. Why did you
not knock at the door?

SUBTLE. I thought you had given me the slip, for you never used to shut
yourself in. What was you doing alone?

CLERIMONT. I was settling my affairs.

SUBTLE. Pshaw! stuff!

CLERIMONT. When I had done, I packed up all my cloaths, except what you
see me now wear.

SUBTLE. Why, I thought you had only undressed yourself to be more at
your ease.

CLERIMONT. No, Subtle, I did it through necessity.

SUBTLE. What do you say! Have you packed up the cloaths you wore to-day
as well as the rest?

CLERIMONT. I have, as knowing I should have no further occasion for
them.

SUBTLE. Lord! how you talk! But what have you done with your things?

CLERIMONT. I have sold them.

SUBTLE. Sold them! what, are they gone out of the house?

CLERIMONT. Not yet, but I expect La Fleur to fetch them every minute.

SUBTLE. La Fleur! Why, has he bought them?

CLERIMONT. No; it is a cousin of his whom he recommended to me on this
occasion.

SUBTLE. Why, are you mad, to trust your cloaths to such a rascal as
that! a fellow whose father was hang'd, and who is every day making
interest for the gallows himself.

CLERIMONT. You only abuse the fellow because you are jealous of him for
having made a better bargain than you could have done.

SUBTLE. Troth, my good master, you have been a dupe all your life, and a
dupe you will continue.

CLERIMONT. Truce with your compliments, if you please; you know they are
such as I do not like.

SUBTLE. Well; but pray tell me, what could induce you to strip yourself
in this manner?

CLERIMONT. To raise all the money I could, and punish myself for my
folly. I am determined to convince my father, that however extravagant I
may have been, I still retain a true sense of honour. Have you carried
my letter to the old Jew?

SUBTLE. What a question!

CLERIMONT. Well, and what success? but I need not ask, there could be no
hopes of any.

SUBTLE. No hopes! There is reality however.

CLERIMONT. Indeed!

SUBTLE. Ecce signum. [_Shewing the jewels._]

CLERIMONT. You amaze me! if I was capable of tasting satisfaction in my
present wretched condition, this would overjoy me, but pry'thee tell
me, for I long to know, how did you manage matters?

SUBTLE. [_Aside._] Now, good invention stand by me.----Why sir, the
instant I entered his office, he turn'd pale, and his knees knocked
together, for you must know when I am in a passion, there is something
dreadful in my looks.

CLERIMONT. Troth, I never observed that.

SUBTLE. May be so, because I restrain myself before you.

CLERIMONT. It is very prudently done; but proceed.

SUBTLE. When I saw him so frighten'd and confounded, I stept fiercely up
to him, and with a loud and angry tone of voice. Here said I, mr.
What-dy'callum, put on your spectacles, and read this letter, and d'ye
hear, consider well of the contents, they are very plain and need no
interpretation.

CLERIMONT. Bravo!

SUBTLE. Upon this he took the letter, which he read twice over without
saying a word, trembling all the while like a leaf. At length, in a very
humble tone of voice, he entreated me to return you his most respectful
compliments, and that he would certainly answer your letter to-morrow.

CLERIMONT. Is this all?

SUBTLE. Lord you are so hasty! All? no, nor the one half. Your answer
this instant said I, raising my voice, I shall not leave you till I
have it. My dear mr. Subtle, don't put yourself in a passion; I am going
to write to your master----My master wants none of your writing, said I;
comply immediately with what he orders there, and no more words. Zounds,
sir! I am not to be trifled with, nor my master neither, so make haste
said I, shaking my stick--The jewels, the jewels, quick! He attempted to
call out for assistance; but I took him by the throat, and swore
bloodily I would strangle him if he attempted to stir. In short, my
prodigious valour terrified him to such a degree, that he went to his
strong box, and gave me out the jewels; and, as he was putting them into
my hand, he says, with a pitiful whine, but, my dear mr. Subtle, I hope
I am not to lose the hundred guineas I lent your master upon them? No,
you old rascal, said I; you shall be no loser by my master, I give you
my word for it. Oh, Lord! said the old fellow, that's enough for me, my
dear sir; mr. Subtle's word is as good as the bank: I look upon my money
as safe as if it was in my pocket. Upon this, turning my back upon him
with an air of contempt, I flung out of the room; and here I am.

CLERIMONT. I declare I never suspected you had so much courage, Subtle.

SUBTLE. Lord, sir, you don't know me! However, you may see how valuable
the servant is, whose valour is equal to his fidelity.

CLERIMONT. Well, I shall not forget your services; I will reward them as
far as is in my power. But why have you always concealed this valour of
your's from me?

SUBTLE. [_Taking snuff, and bowing in an affected manner._]
Humph!--Why!--The truly brave are always modest.

CLERIMONT. True; I did not think of that. But whom have we here?


SCENE III.

_Enter_ ISABELLA _and_ LUCY.


LUCY. [_Aside to_ Isabella, _entering_.] Do not let us seem to be
seeking him, but only as if we met him by chance.

ISABELLA. Come with me, Lucy; I shall soon be back. Have you ordered a
coach?

LUCY. Yes, madam, there is one at the door----Gentlemen, your servant.
This is a lucky meeting.

ISABELLA. [_To_ Clerimont.] Your servant, sir----Lord bless us! what a
dress you are in?

CLERIMONT. I am ashamed, madam, to appear before you in this
manner----With your permission I'll retire, and----

ISABELLA. No, no, pray stay; I shall dispense with ceremony.

LUCY. [_To_ Subtle.] Was your master going to bed?

SUBTLE. Yes; he found himself tired, and so----

LUCY. He was going to bed at this time of day?

SUBTLE. When one is not well, you know, one never minds the hour.

ISABELLA. Pray what may his disorder be?

SUBTLE. It lies in his head, madam.

CLERIMONT. [_Aside to_ Subtle.] Hold your tongue, or----

LUCY. Really the gentleman seems strangely altered.

ISABELLA. You should take the air a little.

SUBTLE. Oh, Lord! by no means, madam. My master cannot bear the air--His
chamber is the most proper place for him.

LUCY. Mr. Subtle, I find, is your physician, sir?

SUBTLE. Oh yes; I sometimes purge him of his ill humours.

CLERIMONT. [_To_ Subtle, _angrily_.] Rascal! if the lady was not
here----

LUCY. Why, has this lady any power over you, sir?

CLERIMONT. Ah, Lucy, she is mistress of my heart and soul.

ISABELLA. Nothing but experience can convince me of that.

CLERIMONT. How, madam! did you not a while ago assure me you did not
doubt my passion for you?

ISABELLA. I might so; but such violent protestations, and coming from
such a person as you, stand in need of strong confirmation.

CLERIMONT. [_Wildly._] 'Tis well, madam! If nothing but my death will
convince you of the truth of my declaration, I am ready----

ISABELLA. Oh! no more of that, I beseech you: I assure you, sir, these
are proofs that I have an aversion to. Besides, to deal plainly with
you, I cannot bear this affected desperation; it is insufferable.

CLERIMONT. By all that's sacred it is not affected.

ISABELLA. Well, be it affected or real, it is my aversion. Good God!
what should a young woman like me do with a whining, melancholly lover?
You are fit only to give one the vapours. Is this a way of pleasing? I
declare if you continue in this melancholly mood, I would prefer a
convent a thousand times over to living with such a man. No, no, if you
would have me believe you really love me, you must wear quite a
different countenance, and let me see you gay and serene; I must
absolutely have you dress your face in smiles.

SUBTLE. [_Taking his master by the hand, and singing and dancing._]
Come, sir, pluck up your spirits! Tol, lol, tol, derol.

CLERIMONT. [_Seizing him by the collar._] You dog! I know not what
prevents me from----

ISABELLA. Oh, I see the great power I have over you. Your servant, sir.
This is the last time you shall ever see my face, I assure you.
[_Going._]

CLERIMONT. Dearest Isabella, excuse my rashness; you shall find me
henceforward a different person.--Subtle, dear Subtle, intercede for me.

SUBTLE. [_To_ Lucy, _with an air of authority_.] Lucy, I command you, by
your love to me, not to let your mistress depart.

LUCY. Come, madam, let us be gone.

SUBTLE. [_Holding her._] Ah, tygress!

CLERIMONT. [_To_ Isabella.] If you leave the room, I will not survive
your absence an instant.

ISABELLA. What, threatening again!

CLERIMONT. It is the last time, upon my honour.

ISABELLA. Remember the oath you have now taken, and promise me to
comply, without hesitation, with whatever I shall require of you.

CLERIMONT. 'Tis done; command, and I will obey.

ISABELLA. Then listen to me attentively; from some expressions which
dropt from you in our last conversation, both Lucy and myself have a
suspicion that you meditated some fatal and cruel design upon your own
life; and that--

CLERIMONT. What reason had you to suppose such a thing?

ISABELLA. No interruption--I come now to the point. You say you are
desirous to convince me of the sincerity of your passion; now, I require
two proofs of it, without which all your protestations will go for
nothing with me.

CLERIMONT. Oh! name them! name them! and if man--

ISABELLA. Soft! no high flights, I beseech you! In the first place, you
must give me your word and honour that you will get the better of your
present despair (the reasons of which I will not inquire into too
minutely) and lay aside every fatal design against your life.

CLERIMONT. But, supposing I entertained such a design as you speak of;
why should you wish me to live?

ISABELLA. To love me.

CLERIMONT. And is this absolutely your will?

ISABELLA. Most absolutely.

CLERIMONT. Then, I swear, by all that is sacred, to obey you.

ISABELLA. 'Tis well; but this is not all. I require, moreover, that you
deliver me up all your arms, to remain with me so long as I shall think
fit to keep them; and that you likewise give me your word of honour,
that you will not stir out of the house till I give you leave.

CLERIMONT. My word of honour! Well--I give it you--Will this satisfy
you?

ISABELLA. No, not till you deliver me up your arms.

CLERIMONT. Here, Subtle, take the key of my closet, and bring out all
the arms you find there, and lay them at the feet of the lovely
Isabella.

SUBTLE. I'll empty the arsenal, I warrant me. [_Going, returns._] But,
hold; is there no private hoard?

CLERIMONT. None, upon my honour.

LUCY. But have not you a little reserve of arsenic, or some such pretty
cordial for melancholly?

CLERIMONT. I declare to you I never thought of any such thing.

SUBTLE. Well, then, I am gone, and will return in the twinkling of an
eye. [_Exit._


SCENE IV.


CLERIMONT. Well, charming Isabella, are you not now convinced, that you
have an unbounded empire over my heart?

ISABELLA. To confess the truth, I do begin to believe you.

CLERIMONT. Ah! could I but hope to be beloved by you, nothing would
equal my happiness. May I? dare I entertain that pleasing hope?

ISABELLA. The care I have taken of your life, may speak for me more than
the warmest expressions.

CLERIMONT. Subtle! make haste. How slow is that fellow in executing your
orders! I'll go and hasten him.

LUCY. I am pleased to see this impatience; but, stay, here he is.


SCENE V.

_Enter_ SUBTLE. [_With a fowling-piece, a pair of pistols, a
powder-horn, a bag of shot, a dagger, and a sword. He throws them all
down at_ Isabella's _feet_.]


SUBTLE. [_In a tragedy tone._] Thus, at your fair feet, Oh divine lady!
I lay this sword, this dagger, these fire-arms, and all our warlike
implements.

ISABELLA. Are these all?

CLERIMONT. If there is one thing wanting, load me with your hatred and
contempt.

ISABELLA. I am satisfy'd.

SUBTLE. [_Going up to_ Isabella, _sings affectedly_.] Triumph, triumph,
queen of beauty!

CLERIMONT. [_Pushing him away._] Away, you insolent rascal!

SUBTLE. Lord, sir, you have no taste for music.

LUCY. Come, now it is my turn--Subtle, deliver me your sword.

CLERIMONT. Oh, it is a harmless weapon.

LUCY. In his hands it may; but it is too near for your's.

SUBTLE. There, my adorable mistress, I deliver you a weapon, the terror
of its foes.

LUCY. Come, give it me.

SUBTLE. On condition that you will promise to love me. This is the sine
qua non.

LUCY. The sine qua non! what language is that?

SUBTLE. The language of love, my dear. [_Seeing_ Isabella _going to take
up the pistols_.] Stay, madam, to prevent any accidents, I will
discharge them. Don't be frightened. [_He fires off the two pistols._]
There.


SCENE VI.

_Enter_ WEALTHY. [_Running in frightened._ Clerimont, _seeing him,
retires_.]


WEALTHY. Good God! what noise is that I hear? Where is my son? Where is
Clerimont? Two women with pistols in their hands! What is all this? Have
you murdered my son among you?

LUCY. Do not frighten yourself, sir; our weapons are not fatal ones.

WEALTHY. But who was it fired the pistols?

SUBTLE. Without vanity, I may say it was me.

WEALTHY. And what the devil was it for?

SUBTLE. Only rejoicings for a peace.

WEALTHY. For a peace?

SUBTLE. Yes, sir. A treaty of peace has just been concluded between this
lady and your son. These two were mediatrixes, and love was guarantee.
Do you understand me now?

WEALTHY. Oh, perfectly. Inexorable Truman! Oh, my dearest Isabella, how
much am I obliged to you?

LUCY. And have you nothing to say to me?

WEALTHY. Yes, Lucy, I will remember the portion I promised thee.

ISABELLA. You have nothing more to apprehend on your son's account, mr.
Wealthy. He has given me his word of honour, he will make no attempt
against his life.

WEALTHY. You revive me. I was in an horrible fright.


SCENE VII.

_Enter_ TRUMAN.


TRUMAN. What is the matter, my dear friend? You seem strangely confus'd.

WEALTHY. Oh, mr. Truman! if it had not been for this lady, I had lost my
boy for ever.

TRUMAN. Poor man! How can you be so alarmed at the rhodomontade of a
young rake?

ISABELLA. Upon my word, sir, the affair was very serious; and it would
not be safe to drive him to despair again: and so, I'll leave you to
consult together how to manage matters. [_Exeunt_ Isabella _and_ Lucy,
_carrying the arms with them_.]


SCENE VIII.


WEALTHY. [_To_ Truman.] What would you advise me to do?

TRUMAN. To continue resolute. If you should make any untimely
concessions, your son is lost beyond redemption.

WEALTHY. Hush! See who stands there.

SUBTLE. What! do you distrust me? Nay, then, fare you well. [_Going._

WEALTHY. Away with you.

TRUMAN. No, no. Come back, Subtle--You injure him, mr. Wealthy. I would
trust him as soon as myself.

SUBTLE. You are quite in the right: if you did not, I would shew you a
trick yet. But, whom have we here?


SCENE IX.

_Enter_ La FLEUR. [_With a large trunk, followed by two men, carrying
each another._]


SUBTLE. [_To_ La Fleur.] Where are you carrying these trunks, pray, mr.
La Fleur?

LA FLEUR. Why, my master told me, that he wanted to dispose of his
wardrobe; and so, I promised him a hundred guineas on them, in the name
of my cousin Remnant, who is a salesman, and one of the most responsible
and fair-dealing men in his profession. My master was pleased with the
bargain; and so I am going to carry the cloaths to my said cousin.

SUBTLE. To your said cousin, ha! Come, come, gentry, discharge your
shoulders of those trunks, if you please. To my said cousin! This
catchpole rascal thinks he is serving a writ, I suppose, with his
law-terms.

WEALTHY. Ay ay, come, unburthen; or I will have you all three taken up
for house-breakers.

      [_The two men throw down the trunks and run off_; La Fleur
      _remains_.]

TRUMAN. With your permission, honest mr. La Fleur, may I presume to ask,
if your master has received the said hundred guineas?

LA FLEUR. Not yet, sir. I promised to bring him the money as soon as I
had delivered the goods.

TRUMAN. [_To_ Wealthy.] Your son is not very mistrustful, you see. Mr.
La Fleur, you must give me leave to tell you, that you are a very great
rascal, mr. La Fleur.

SUBTLE. And the more so, as he knows the things he has bought to be
worth ten times the money he was to give for them.

WEALTHY. Lay hold of the villain.

TRUMAN. No, no; satisfy yourself with turning him out of doors.

WEALTHY. [_Pushing out_ La Fleur.] Away, rascal; and get yourself hang'd
elsewhere.


SCENE X.


TRUMAN. Now, Subtle, my good lad, you must tell your master a few more
lies for us.

WEALTHY. Oh, they cost him nothing, let them be ever so many, or so
great.

SUBTLE. Mr. Wealthy must always have a fling at me.

TRUMAN. Never mind it; 'tis only the remains of an old humour.

WEALTHY. But what could induce my son to part with his cloaths?

SUBTLE. He did it in a fit of despair. He had a mind to raise a sum of
money upon them and his jewels, which said sum, as La Fleur says, he
intended to bequeath by will----

WEALTHY. Was the poor creature going to make his will?
[_Wiping his eyes._]

TRUMAN. For heav'n's sake do not make yourself uneasy about such
ridiculous stuff. You shall tell him, Subtle, that you have detain'd his
trunks, having found a person, who will give twice the money for the
cloaths that the former purchaser offered. His father shall give you the
money, and keep the things. You see the confidence we put in you.

SUBTLE. Hey day! One of the trunks is open--Let us see what is here. My
God! was ever such heedlessness?

TRUMAN. What is it?

SUBTLE. He has left his pocket-book in the trunk.

TRUMAN. [_Snatching the pocket-book out of his hand._] Let me see it.

SUBTLE. For heav'n's sake do not open it; it is a magazine of follies.

TRUMAN. They will serve to amuse us----But, now to the point. I tell
you, my honest Subtle, that your master's debts are all paid. This has
been done so privately, that he has not the least suspicion of it. Now,
instead of putting him out of his pain, by acquainting him with this
circumstance (as his too fond father here would rashly do) I am
determined to make him believe he is more closely beset than ever. I
have made half a dozen bailiffs pass before his windows, five or six
times, on purpose that he might have a sight of them. This will prevent
him from stirring out for a week at least.

SUBTLE. Well! if it is so, I strike to you; and confess you outdo me in
invention; for, i'faith, I was imposed upon as well as him. However, I
am overjoy'd at what I hear.

WEALTHY. [_To_ Subtle.] Now, do not you go and overset all that has been
done.

SUBTLE. If I overset any thing, hang me up. You shall find I will second
all your endeavours most heartily; and divert myself, for a while, at
the expence of this darling son of your's.

TRUMAN. Come then, let us in and consult upon our operations. [_Exeunt._

END of the THIRD ACT.




ACT IV. SCENE I.

TRUMAN _and_ WEALTHY, _meeting_ SUBTLE.


TRUMAN. Well, Subtle, what news?

SUBTLE. Very serious news, I assure you. My poor master is so furiously
in love, that not a creature can make him hearken to reason but myself.

TRUMAN. So much the better.

SUBTLE. Well now, with all your discernment and sagacity, I would wager,
you could not, for the soul of you, tell which was the most mad, my
master or me. You might have heard our sighs all the house over.

TRUMAN. How, Subtle! do you sigh too?

SUBTLE. Oh Lord, sir, enough to choak me sometimes. [_Fetching a deep
sigh._]

TRUMAN. Well, for heaven's sake, make haste and have done; unless you
would kill me with laughing.

SUBTLE. The greatest men have their weaknesses. The coquettry of that
slut Lucy has almost turned my brain.

TRUMAN. Very moving indeed! But what hast thou got in thy hand?

SUBTLE. Notes for a thousand pound.

WEALTHY. What the devil! Does my son owe so much still?

SUBTLE. On the contrary, so much is due to him.

TRUMAN. To him?

SUBTLE. Yes, sir. For, when he has cash, he keeps open purse. He makes
no scruple of beggaring himself to support others; and, when he is in
want, he borrows to support himself.

WEALTHY. Generous soul!

SUBTLE. Egregious dupe, you may rather say; but do not let us blame him
for every thing. This money is what he won some time ago at play, upon
credit; and debts of honour, you know, are always paid.

WEALTHY. Well, I am glad to hear he has got a supply, however.

TRUMAN. Come, this is a pretty considerable sum; and, together with the
money that he will receive for his cloaths and jewels, which are worth,
at least, eight hundred pounds, he will have near two thousand. Now, let
us see what use he will make of such an unexpected supply: this is the
great test I am waiting for.

WEALTHY. And that I dread. If this rascal, now, should betray us.

SUBTLE. Rascal again! What, still mistrustful of me? If this is the
case, do your business yourself; I wash my hands of you.

TRUMAN. Be pacify'd, Subtle, and overlook an old habit.

SUBTLE. Well; but let him alter it, or I shall take up my old habits
too.

TRUMAN. Heav'ns forbid! for that would defeat all our measures.

SUBTLE. But let me return to what we were about----

TRUMAN. Thus, then, the affair stands. You must carefully conceal from
Clerimont that I have taken up his notes. Next, it is absolutely
necessary that he should suppose the money he is about to receive is
unknown to us: for, if he was to imagine, that either his father or I
were acquainted with his receiving such a sum, he would not dare dispose
of it at his own pleasure.

WEALTHY. An excellent thought! Subtle, my dear boy, you must help us out
in this ticklish affair.

SUBTLE. Oh ho! 'tis my dear Subtle, and my dear boy, now you stand in
need of my assistance.

TRUMAN. No heartburnings, Subtle. Remember, that in serving us, you the
better serve your master.

SUBTLE. Well, I am really ashamed of my good nature; but it is the
weakness of all generous minds.

WEALTHY. [_Aside._] Impudent rascal!

SUBTLE. [_To_ Truman.] One word more of explanation. If you are desirous
that he should be entirely ignorant of what you do for him, I must take
all the merit upon myself.

TRUMAN. Undoubtedly. Take all the merit of this affair, as thou didst
that of the jewels, which was an admirable story. I'll go and get the
money ready, and then we'll consider of the proper time to produce it.
Consider only, that thou wilt gain more by continuing to impose upon
your master, than by betraying us to him. And, indeed, that it will be
rather serving than deceiving him.

WEALTHY. Be but true to us, and I promise thee a reward for thy
fidelity.

SUBTLE. Well, it must cost me some few lies: but what will not one
undergo for one's friend?

WEALTHY. [_Pulling off his hat, and making him a low bow._] Dear sir,
you do me prodigious honour!

TRUMAN. What other papers are those you have there?

SUBTLE. These are letters of credit, by which I am empowered to receive
and pay money in my master's name.

TRUMAN. You may as well leave them with me. But here comes Lucy: we'll
leave you together. [_Exeunt_ Truman _and_ Wealthy.


SCENE III.

_Enter_ LUCY.


SUBTLE. What a bewitching eye she has! and then, such a shape! Odso, I
believe this baggage will turn my brain.

LUCY. Your servant, mr. Subtle. What! meditating alone?

SUBTLE. Yes, madam, I was meditating on your charms, which I die with
impatience to possess. Come, my dear Lucy, let us e'en conclude this
matter: When shall we be marry'd, hey?

LUCY. A very pretty beginning for a polite lover, indeed!

SUBTLE. Why, what greater compliment can be paid a pretty young girl,
than to shew an earnest desire of being join'd to her for life?

LUCY. Psha! you blockhead! do not you know I am going into a convent? I
am resolved never to leave my mistress. I will share her fate.

SUBTLE. So you persist in that resolution, both of you, hey?

LUCY. Hum!--I believe we do.

SUBTLE. Restore our arms then, cruel as thou art!

LUCY. Your arms! for what?

SUBTLE. That we may kill ourselves in earnest.

LUCY. Nay, if you are resolved, I'll step in and fetch you your sword.

SUBTLE. No, you may as well keep it. I might miss my heart, perhaps, for
my hand is very unsteady. I think it will be better to dispatch myself
with a pistol; it is the surest way.

LUCY. Well, then, I'll lend you your master's, rather than you should
want.

SUBTLE. The offer is kind and passionate, and you smile when you make
it. However, say what you will, I'm sure you love me. Come, I'll answer
for thee, to save thee the pain of a declaration. Lay your hand upon
your heart and tell me if I lye.

LUCY. Pr'ythee be quiet, and let me go about my lady's business.

SUBTLE. Whither, in such haste, pray?

LUCY. To your master.

SUBTLE. To my master, and from your mistress! pretty forward, that! And,
pray, what may your message be?

LUCY. That, I have orders to deliver only to himself.

SUBTLE. Indeed! But he is in his night-gown still. Do you think you can
venture yourself with him, without hurting your modesty?

LUCY. [_Smiling._] My modesty? Why, you are jealous, Subtle.

SUBTLE. Jealous of decency; as for the rest, I am secure.

LUCY. And you are in the right. Your master is so mopish, that there is
not the least danger of him.

SUBTLE. Igad I would not care to trust him too far; for that roguish
look of thine is capable of bringing about strange revolutions.

LUCY. But, here he comes, just in the nick of time.

SUBTLE. [_Scratching his head._] Shall I retire?

LUCY. I think he looks more gay than usual; there is more fire in his
eyes. What say you, Subtle?

SUBTLE. Say? Why, I say, that to oblige you, I'll e'en stay where I am.


SCENE IV.

CLERIMONT [_At the side of the stage._]

CLERIMONT.
Subtle!

SUBTLE. Sir.

CLERIMONT. Is my father here?

SUBTLE. No, all's safe, he is in his chamber with mr. Truman; come
forward, here is a person has something to say to you.

CLERIMONT. Lucy! is it you? What procures me the pleasure of this visit?

LUCY. Sir, I am sent by my mistress.

CLERIMONT. Sent by your mistress! to me?

LUCY. Most certainly, sir, it is not from myself.

CLERIMONT. Well, and tell me, my dear girl, what are her commands?

LUCY. In the first place, the desires to know how your melancholly does.

CLERIMONT. [_Smiling._] My melancholly. Oh, it loses ground hourly; I
feel its force diminish every moment.

LUCY. Good news! I am glad to hear it.

SUBTLE. [_Aside to_ Lucy.] You see I was in the right to stay here.

CLERIMONT. What are you saying to her?

SUBTLE. Only a word or two about our own affairs.

CLERIMONT. You take your time very prettily. [_To_ Lucy.] Have you any
thing to say to me in private, Lucy?

SUBTLE. Oh Lord, sir, no! I may stay: Have you any thing you would
conceal from me?

CLERIMONT. [_Smiling._] Ah, ha! I understand you, mr. Subtle!

SUBTLE. What! you think I am inquisitive?

CLERIMONT. Inquisitive; yes, yes, I know what you mean. Well, Lucy.

LUCY. Well, sir, since you begin to smooth your brow a little, I shall
go, and acquaint my mistress how I find matters. And now a word to you.
My mistress acquaints you by me, that a female relation of hers is just
arrived from Antwerp, who is one of the most ridiculous country dowdeys
that ever set foot in Paris.

CLERIMONT. I do not see how this can concern me.

LUCY. More than you imagine. You must know, this same country lady, who
has never seen any thing in her life, is dying with impatience to go to
an opera; which the poor soul imagines to be the eighth wonder of the
world.

CLERIMONT. She'll find herself greatly deceiv'd. But proceed, for this
can be nothing to me neither.

LUCY. I beg your pardon, it can, and it is.

CLERIMONT. [_Impatiently._] As how?

LUCY. You'll see. My mistress, who never goes to public places, is very
much embarrassed by the curiosity of her cousin, who insists that she
shall take her to this same opera.

CLERIMONT. Why, your mistress has it in her power to refuse.

LUCY. And so she did at first, but mr. Wealthy desires she will comply,
and then, you know, there can be no denial.

CLERIMONT. That's true.

LUCY. And what adds to the dilemma is, that she happens to be as little
acquainted with the opera beings as her cousin, and shall not know how
to behave, unless she has some one to keep her in countenance. She has
desired your father to accompany her, but he has refused; she then asked
mr. Truman, who excused himself, and desired her to apply to you.

SUBTLE. [_Aside._] What a malicious old devil!

CLERIMONT. To me? Apply to me to accompany her to the opera?

LUCY. Yes, and she desires as a favour that you will be ready in a
couple of hours at farthest; so it is high time you began to dress
yourself. You seem thoughtful.

SUBTLE. My master is only thinking of what suit he shall put on; he has
so many, that he is puzzled in his choice.

CLERIMONT. [_Aside to_ Subtle.] Hang dog, you know the contrary.

LUCY. Sir, will you not give me an answer?

CLERIMONT. I am thinking of one.----That cursed fellow Truman!

LUCY. Well, your servant, sir.--I shall let my mistress know that you
did not think it worth your while to return any answer.

CLERIMONT. For heaven's sake, Lucy, what do you mean? I am at
present----in a great dilemma----not knowing how----which----what
cloaths I shall wear----for----to tell you the truth. [_Aside._]
'Sdeath, I shall go mad!

SUBTLE. You may return back to your lady, mrs. Lucy, I will fix his
resolution: and so you may e'en tell her without hesitation, that my
master will wait on her at the time appointed.

LUCY. Enough. Oh how delighted shall I be to see an opera! It is what I
have longed for this many a-day! [_Exit._


SCENE V.


CLERIMONT. 'Sdeath, rascal, what promise is this you have made for me?

SUBTLE. Why, it was necessary for me to make some answer, as you would
not return any.

CLERIMONT. But you know very well I am in no condition to go out.

SUBTLE. That is no fault of mine. Why was you in such a hurry to sell
your cloaths?

CLERIMONT. What shall I do? I am in as much despair as ever!

SUBTLE. But seriously speaking, my dear sir, are you really so
passionately in love with mrs. Isabella, as you pretend to be?

CLERIMONT. In love with her! 'Sdeath, villain, I love her dearer than
life; nor is it a passion of to-day: no, I have long burned in secret
for her, but thought myself unworthy not only of attempting to gain her
heart, but even to declare myself. Virtue, Subtle, commands respect,
even from the greatest libertines; and must I now behold myself reduced
to the necessity of refusing an act of common civility to the person for
whom I have the greatest esteem! No, no, I can never support this
disgrace.

SUBTLE. Come, do not despair; as I knew La Fleur to be a great rascal, I
prevented him from carrying away your trunks.

CLERIMONT. Then I am saved once more.

SUBTLE. And I have sold them to an honest dealer, who will give you
double the sum La Fleur offered for them; and you will receive the money
this very afternoon.

CLERIMONT. But have you delivered them to him?

SUBTLE. I could not do otherwise, my dear sir.

CLERIMONT. Then I am ruin'd.

SUBTLE. Not at all; I'll engage the money shall be forthcoming.

CLERIMONT. But that will not procure me a suit time enough to go to the
opera.

SUBTLE. 'Odso! I never thought of that.

CLERIMONT. Wilt thou be for ever blundering, and I the occasion of it?
Oh! there is nothing left, but death!

SUBTLE. Lord! do not be in such a violent hurry about dying; I'll go and
get fifty guineas of the money, and that will more than purchase a suit,
and put money in your pocket for your expences.

CLERIMONT. But if I had my pockets full of money, and all my cloaths,
how could I venture to stir out? The house is beset with bailiffs. I
should take a pleasure in braving those rascals, that is certain, and
should not doubt laying half a dozen of them at my feet; but that would
not do, for I might be overpowered by numbers, and obliged to yield at
last. [_Pausing._] Subtle, run to Daredevil, and Jack Ramble, they are
my friends, and two honest fellows, tell them I shall be glad if they
would accompany me.

SUBTLE. Lord! you will not want them.

CLERIMONT. What do you mean?

SUBTLE. I mean as I say. Shall not I be with you? or do you reckon me
for no-body?

CLERIMONT. Troth not much better.

SUBTLE. How, sir, have you forgot the intrepid valour I displayed in the
recovery of the jewels?

CLERIMONT. That was something, indeed, but not an exploit great enough
for me to rely upon your assistance in such an attempt as this.

SUBTLE. [_Setting his arms a-kimbo, and strutting up and down the
stage._] Very well, sir! mighty well! You shall see; that's all; you
shall see whether I will not escort you safe to the opera, and back
again. I'll engage to dispatch six bailiffs to my own share. Six and six
I think are twelve; add to these the wounded, and those that will run
away, and then I think we shall have the field to ourselves.

CLERIMONT. Come on then; I am determined; but I must own you surprise me
greatly.

SUBTLE. And that surprise is offensive to my valour. Though I have the
heart of a lion, yet I always consider, that a prudent man will never
have recourse to force, till every other milder method fails. I have a
notion of paying a visit to the four creditors, who have writs out
against you, and endeavour to bring them to an agreement; and I flatter
myself I shall be able to persuade the rascals to give you liberty to
walk abroad for this one day at least.

CLERIMONT. That would be a glorious feat indeed, but it appears to me
almost impracticable.

SUBTLE. I'll set about it, however, and be with you again in a little
time.

CLERIMONT. If you succeed, there is nothing that I will not do for thee.

SUBTLE. Well, pacify yourself, I am as good at negotiating as at
fighting.

CLERIMONT. Run then, my good lad! run!

SUBTLE. On the bats' wings will I fly. [_Exit singing._

CLERIMONT. I never knew the merit of this fellow 'till now; I have had a
thousand proofs of his zeal and affection for me, but that he should
have courage enough to share danger with me, is what I could never have
suspected.


SCENE VI.

_Enter_ ISABELLA _and_ LUCY.


ISABELLA. Quick, Lucy, quick, my cousin is waiting for me, and I must go
and bring her hither.

LUCY. Bless me! there is your lover stealing away.

ISABELLA. [_To_ Clerimont, _who is stealing off_.] Mr. Clerimont, mr.
Clerimont, a word with you, if you please.

CLERIMONT. [_Half behind the scenes._] Permit me to retire, madam, I am
quite ashamed to appear before you in this dishabille.

ISABELLA. Truly I think you have reason. Is it thus you prepare to
accompany me?

CLERIMONT. [_Returning._] I shall be drest in half an hour at most, and
we have two hours good yet.

ISABELLA. But why so long in your night gown?

CLERIMONT. Why, madam----because----I----Oh, I have my reasons for that.

ISABELLA. And what may they be, pray? Are you ill?

CLERIMONT. Oh no! I am infinitely better than I was----but----

ISABELLA. But what?

CLERIMONT. I have been writing all the morning--besides, I wait for
Subtle's return, whom I have sent with a message.

ISABELLA. Cannot you dress yourself without him?

CLERIMONT. Oh! no, impossible.

LUCY. But you may be getting your hair drest, sir, and that will save
some time; for my lady is in a great hurry.

CLERIMONT. 'Odso! that's right. Madam will you permit me to retire
and----

ISABELLA. Yes, yes, pray do, and make haste, I desire you.

CLERIMONT. Your commands cannot be too speedily executed. [_Runs off._


SCENE VII.


LUCY. Well, madam, what say you? Methinks mr. Clerimont does not look
amiss in an undress: his night-gown really becomes him.

ISABELLA. True Lucy; but there is a certain melancholly hangs about him
still that makes me very uneasy.

LUCY. Makes you uneasy, you say?

ISABELLA. Yes, I must confess it raises my pity.

LUCY. Uneasiness and pity! well, love is not far off then.

ISABELLA. Peace, mad cap; here is the old gentleman.


SCENE VIII.

_Enter_ WEALTHY.


WEALTHY. Well, my dear Isabella, have you found a gentleman to gallant
you to the opera?

LUCY. Yes, sir; we have provided one who will be very agreeable company.

WEALTHY. But it is necessary I should know who he is.

ISABELLA. A very agreeable gentleman, I assure you, sir.

LUCY. And one we like very much, I assure you, sir.

ISABELLA. Silence, Lucy.

WEALTHY. And pray what may be the name of this very agreeable and very
much liked gentleman?

ISABELLA. It will be sufficient, I fancy, to tell you, sir, that he is
the son of the man in the world to whom I owe the greatest gratitude and
respect.

LUCY. Nay, now, mr. Wealthy will never be able to guess.

WEALTHY. Has my son engaged to accompany you?

ISABELLA. At least he has promised Lucy as much, whom I sent to him with
my request.

WEALTHY. [_Aside._] That rascal, Subtle, has betray'd us; I knew it
would be so. But pray tell me, Lucy, did he not make some hesitation in
complying?

LUCY. Oh! yes; he would even have sent me away without an answer, had
not his man Subtle undertaken to answer for him.

WEALTHY. [_Aside._] Subtle is an honest fellow; I was mistaken.

LUCY. I never saw a man so embarrassed in my life.

WEALTHY. Indeed! I am heartily glad of it.

ISABELLA. How, sir! glad of it? Why so, pray?

WEALTHY. Oh! I have my reasons.

ISABELLA. Bless me! what do I hear? Nay, then, I am resolved he shall
not go with me. Lucy, run and tell mr. Clerimont that I will not go to
the opera.--You laugh, sir!

WEALTHY. But you do not, I think; your eyes seem to sparkle with rage.

ISABELLA. I must confess I expected a little more civility from your
son.

LUCY. I imagined his behaviour would cause your resentment, and
therefore concealed it from you.

WEALTHY. For fear you should not go to the opera, I suppose.

LUCY. It was so, indeed.

WEALTHY. A mighty pretty amusement for people who are going into a
convent! Heark'e, Isabella, I desire you will moderate your resentment;
my son is not guilty of the least want of respect to you; and I could
excuse this behaviour of his from very sufficient reasons.

ISABELLA. I should be glad to know them, sir; and I could readily
forgive him.

WEALTHY. [_Smiling._] I fancy you could. However, I will explain myself
more at large another time; at present, I shall content myself with
assuring you, that you condemned him unjustly.

ISABELLA. You assure me of that?

WEALTHY. I do very seriously.

ISABELLA. I believe you, sir; and am as seriously pleased at it.

LUCY. I will lay a wager I can guess at the reasons mr. Wealthy
mentions. I have heard mr. Truman say, that mr. Clerimont is over head
and ears in debt, and persecuted by his creditors. Now to me the poor
young gentleman has all the appearance of being afflicted with a malady
called confinement per force.

WEALTHY. Troth, Lucy has guest the reason; he dare not stir out of doors
for fear of being arrested.

ISABELLA. And can you, sir, know this, and not take pity on him? How can
you suffer him to remain in so cruel a situation?

WEALTHY. He deserves nothing better from me.

ISABELLA. Alas! he has smarted but too deeply for his errors; your
cruelty drove him to despair; and permit me to say that, but for me, you
would not now have had a son. I have seen into the bottom of his soul;
he was weary of life only because he had lost your affection. Tho' he
may have incurred your just resentment by his conduct, yet the sincerity
of his repentance as surely merits your forgiveness. You are too tender a
parent, and he too good a son, for you to continue long inexorable. Let
me therefore on my knees implore you to take him again into favour. I
ask it because I am satisfied he is worthy of it; and that very thing
concurs to favour my petition.

WEALTHY. [_Wiping his eyes._] Rise, my dear Isabella, would Truman were
here!

ISABELLA. Alas! can you not indulge a father's tenderness without his
permission?

WEALTHY. No, I cannot; that devil of a man is master of all my
sentiments: besides, I have entered into certain measures with him,
which I cannot break without imprudence.

ISABELLA. Ah, sir!----

WEALTHY. Do not take advantage of my weakness, good girl! let us drop
this subject.--You think then, that my son has a passion for you?

ISABELLA. I should be very blameable to doubt it, after the sacrifice he
has made me.

WEALTHY. Come, Isabella, open your whole heart to me.

LUCY. Do, dear madam! courage!

WEALTHY. Do you love him in return?

ISABELLA. Sir----

LUCY. I'll take upon me to answer for my mistress.----Yes----

WEALTHY. You blush, Isabella, and are silent! This is the very reply I
could wish. But are you really sufficiently persuaded of his repentance
to venture upon him for a husband?

ISABELLA. If I was worthy to be mr. Clerimont's wife, sir, I should not
make the least hesitation.

LUCY. Nor I neither, by my faith.

ISABELLA. But alas! fortune has treated me so ill, that--

WEALTHY. Come, come, despair of nothing; I flatter myself that the world
will in you see an example, that heaven, sooner or later, always rewards
prudence and virtue. [_Exeunt._

END of the FOURTH ACT.




ACT V. SCENE I.

Truman _and_ SUBTLE.


SUBTLE. Well, sir; you have had above an hour's private conversation
with my master; are you not now fully convinced of my discretion and
fidelity?

TRUMAN. I am perfectly convinced, Subtle, that thou art a lad of honour;
and that so far from having betray'd any of our schemes to thy master,
he has not the least suspicion of the means his father and I have used
to snatch him from the precipice to which his irregularities had hurry'd
him. I am perfectly acquainted with his heart, I find it is incapable of
dissimulation or restraint: and, I may venture to say, that I have too
much discernment to let him impose upon me, had he attempted it. He is
in such a dreadful uncertainty, so distracted between remorse, shame,
and apprehension, that I must confess my heart bleeds for him, as I am
certain that of my good old friend's will likewise. In short, I think,
it is high time to deliver poor Clerimont from his present unhappy
situation; and put it in his power to give us undiluted proofs of the
sincerity of his repentance, and his return to wisdom and prudence.

SUBTLE. To say the truth, I would not swear for him yet; I am now
preparing a sharp trial for him; and poor young man he is very prone to
fall. If unhappily he should take another flight, and ever come to the
knowledge of my having acted, in concert with you and his father, to put
this trick upon him, he would most certainly put me to death.

TRUMAN. Make yourself easy, Subtle, and depend upon my honour that you
shall come to no harm. But how do you propose to begin your plan of
operations?

SUBTLE. By presenting him the letter of licence from his four
persecuting creditors, which I have just got them to sign: and as he is
very well acquainted with their hands, he will readily believe himself
in safety for this day.

TRUMAN. But where is this letter of licence?

SUBTLE. Here it is, and I believe according to form; for I drew it up
myself.

TRUMAN. Give it me. [_Reading to himself, and smiles._] It is a droll
piece, and entirely suitable to the genius of the composer.

SUBTLE. Do you approve of it?

TRUMAN. I think it a little upon the ridiculous; but the stile is so
easy and natural, that your master, who is far from being of a
distrustful temper, will easily believe it authentic.

SUBTLE. Yes, yes, I am pretty safe in that respect; therefore as soon as
he thinks himself at liberty to go out, be you ready to second me.

TRUMAN. That I can easily do; for we can overhear every thing that
passes between him and you, provided you converse in this room.

SUBTLE. Oh! the scene shall pass here I promise you; I'll draw him this
way without appearing to intend it.

TRUMAN. Right; then mr. Wealthy and I, and perhaps Isabella too (For I
think it is proper she should be of the party) will hide ourselves
behind the screen in the next room; so that we shall not lose a word of
what passes, and be ready to shew ourselves at a proper time.

SUBTLE. Nothing can be better concerted. Have you the monies ready?

TRUMAN. Ready to produce whenever you think proper.

SUBTLE. Tell the porter to come in at the great door as soon as he hears
me sneeze, that shall be the signal.

TRUMAN. Very well, I'll take care to give him his cue.

SUBTLE. And Tom is to bring the cloaths whenever you think it necessary.

TRUMAN. Let me alone to manage, my boy! all shall go right.

SUBTLE. Well then, the play will open immediately and it will be a very
interesting one for mrs. Isabella. Be sure to have her so placed that
she may not lose a single word.

TRUMAN. I will; and do you, on your part, take care to manage matters so
with thy master, that he may unbosom his whole soul.

SUBTLE. Rely upon my skill, you shall see his heart as plain as if it
was before you.

TRUMAN. Heaven send us success! But retire, lest he should come unawares
and surprise us together.

SUBTLE. I'll vanish; but now I think of it, have you put his pocket-book
into the coat which is to be brought him?

TRUMAN. I have, and he will find the contents very different from those
he left in it. How great will be his surprise!

SUBTLE. That will be the unravelling of the piece which is to decide
every thing.

TRUMAN. And I assure you I, as well as his father, wait for it with the
greatest impatience. As to thee, my honest Subtle, rest assured that we
will put thee in a condition to make Lucy thy wife.

SUBTLE. Ah! Sir; after so generous a promise I would cheat myself to do
you a service. But I hear a noise! [_Looking out._] As I live it is my
master coming this way.----Decamp from hence this moment, and go and
place yourselves ready, I'll answer for it you shall have diversion
enough.

TRUMAN. Well, I am gone; but be sure you remember, Subtle, that on the
conducting of this interview depends----

SUBTLE. Good Lord! do you think I do not know what I am about? Away with
you, I say. [_Pushing out Truman._]


SCENE II.


SUBTLE. [_Solus._] Well, friend Subtle, now it is your time to display
the whole of that art for which you are so justly famed, in order to
amuse the auditors. But faith, the nearer the catastrophe approaches,
the greater apprehensions I am under. If my hair-brain'd master, when he
finds himself at liberty, and wallowing in gold and silver, should break
loose again, in good faith I may have reason to repent of having engaged
in this scheme: but then, on the other hand, if I should be the means
of reclaiming him, what joy will it give his father! and what honour
will it gain me! Encouraged by this hope, I'll set to work heartily,
and----But here comes our young spark. Now heaven send us well over it!


SCENE III.

_Enter_ CLERIMONT.


CLERIMONT. Subtle, where have you been? Why did you leave me so long
alone?

SUBTLE. Why, I had a mind to stretch my legs a little in this room; it
is larger, and more airy than your chamber; let us walk and talk here.

CLERIMONT. But are you sure that my father will not come in upon us?

SUBTLE. No, no; he's gone out with mr. Truman, and they will not return
till night, so that we may have our full swing.

CLERIMONT. Shall I be able to go to the opera, think you?

SUBTLE. Make yourself easy upon that head.

CLERIMONT. But my cloaths are not come.

SUBTLE. You'll have them, you may depend upon it; besides, you have time
enough before you.

CLERIMONT. True; but if I was drest I would go to Isabella's apartment.

SUBTLE. Lord help you, my dear sir, if you was dress'd like a prince,
I'll answer for her she would not receive you; consider you are too
agreeable and too rakish to be admitted like an indifferent person.

CLERIMONT. And yet I should wish to stand in that light with Isabella,
for I respect her as much as I love her.

SUBTLE. Egad she'd shut the door in your face: you know what sort of a
temper her's is; and I can assure you her maid Lucy is not a whit more
complaisant than her mistress; faith they are just fit for each other.

CLERIMONT. I fancy, Subtle, if ever Lucy is thine, she must take great
care of her behaviour, for you would be plaguy mistrustful.

SUBTLE. Well, well, sir; we shall see how you will manage with a wife.

CLERIMONT. Troth, Subtle, she will be an excellent one I believe; for I
do not think I shall ever be marry'd.

SUBTLE. Never be marry'd! Why, are not you always declaring that you
adore Isabella?

CLERIMONT. And for that very reason I would not marry her.

SUBTLE. A very extraordinary proof of your love, indeed!

CLERIMONT. The most noble I can give her. What! shall I have the
inhumanity to render her miserable only for the sake of gratifying my
own passion? I love her to distraction, I must confess; but then it is
with an honourable love. What a lot must be her's if she had me for a
husband? I am worse than a beggar; she without any fortune, or even the
most distant hopes of having one. Good God! what must become of us both?
Would the warmth of my passion make her amends for the ruin I should
bring upon her? No; let me rather suffer a thousand deaths than be the
author of her unhappiness. I swear to thee, Subtle, that I would rather
see her shut up in a convent for life than make her the scorn or pity
of the world. But alas! have I not already ruined the best of fathers by
my fatal extravagance? A father that doated on me to excess? Dreadful
thought! a parent ruined, and by my folly! Oh I cannot support the
reflection!

SUBTLE. Lord have mercy on us! you weep.

CLERIMONT. Yes, Subtle, I at once weep and blush.

SUBTLE. Well, you surprise me, [_Coughs three times._] huh! huh! huh!

CLERIMONT. My tears are the tears of rage and grief: grief to think of
what my father has suffered, and rage against myself. By all that's
sacred, if it was not for the love I bear to Isabella, I would not
support life another day!

SUBTLE. [_Coughing again._] This is a good opening.

CLERIMONT. What is a good opening?

SUBTLE. Your present contrition.

CLERIMONT. What avails contrition when it comes too late? My errors have
been too numerous ever to be repaired.

SUBTLE. Come, sir, take courage; perhaps the old gentleman is not so
obdurate as he would make you believe.

CLERIMONT. Oh! Subtle, I know him better than you do; notwithstanding
the reasons he has to be irritated against me; notwithstanding I have
rendered myself so unworthy of his tenderness, yet I am certain that
if it was in his power, he would still exert himself to the utmost
for my relief. I have repeatedly experienced his bounties, and have as
repeatedly abused them. Come hither, Subtle, listen to what I am now
about to say to thee. My only wish is, to be able to repair my father's
shattered fortune, and that moment to put an end to my being.

SUBTLE. [_Coughing louder than before._] Mark that!

CLERIMONT. What do you mean?

SUBTLE. Why, I was saying to myself that your words deserve to be
written in letters of gold. Upon my soul, sir, you draw tears from my
eyes too. Well, let the world say what they please, you have certainly
a good heart. Permit me to embrace you, my dear master! never did man
better deserve to have his liberty.

CLERIMONT. Have you any hopes then of succeeding in your negociation?

SUBTLE. Ay, more than hope; I am certain of it.

CLERIMONT. What do you tell me? May I then flatter myself?

SUBTLE. [_Pulling out a paper._] Read, judge, and rejoice!

CLERIMONT. What paper is that?

SUBTLE. It is a letter of licence from your four creditors, who had
actions against you. I have read them such a lecture, that they have
agreed to all we have desired of them.

CLERIMONT. Let me see it. [_Reading._]

SUBTLE. Well, what say you now?

CLERIMONT. There is no trusting to this; it has all the air of a joke.

SUBTLE. A joke? good that! Do not you know the hand-writing of those who
have signed it?

CLERIMONT. Yes, yes, I know their writing; but the style----

SUBTLE. Oh! it was drawn up by Mr. Selvedge, who, I assure you, looked
upon it as a masterly piece; and, as well as the others, signed it
without any reserve or subterfuge whatever. Do you imagine that I would
expose you to danger for the sake of diverting myself? You doubt me, I
find, sir; I would sooner hazard my own life for your safety.

CLERIMONT. I did not think of that; but notwithstanding this licence, we
must find some means of satisfying the officers.

SUBTLE. Oh, I have taken care to furnish them with duplicates of it.

CLERIMONT. My dear lad, let me embrace thee, thou art the nonpareil of
serving men.

SUBTLE. Why, without vanity, I think I may say you do me no more than
justice: I always love people should save me the pain of speaking my own
praises.

CLERIMONT. But are you very sure this is not designed as a trap to get
me out of the house, and shew--

SUBTLE. Why do you think me such an ass, to be imposed upon in that
manner? No, no, I'll answer for them with my life; at the worst, you
know you have me for your friend. 'Egad I am almost sorry they came to
this agreement, as it has prevented me taking my revenge on those
rascally bailiffs.

CLERIMONT. Methinks your courage goes even to rashness, Subtle! Why did
I not know thee better before? We should have achiev'd some glorious
feats together.

SUBTLE. That we should, I promise you. [_Coughs three times._]

CLERIMONT. What is the matter with thee?

SUBTLE. I have got a devilish cold in running about for you. [_Sneezes
two or three times._]

CLERIMONT. 'Zounds! your cold has come on very suddenly!

SUBTLE. It is with over-heating myself in search of money. [_Sneezes
again._]

CLERIMONT. Nay, for heaven's sake give over all this coughing and
freezing.

SUBTLE. [_Raising his voice._] Oh I shall never give over till I see the
money. 'Egad here it is.


SCENE IV.

_Enter a_ Porter _with several Bags_.


PORTER. A curse upon the fellow that loaded me in this manner like a
pack-horse! I believe I have been half Paris over, before I could find
out this plaguy house too. Gentlemen, be so obliging to ease me a little
of my load, for I am not able to carry it any longer.

CLERIMONT. What have you got there, friend?

PORTER. Money, I think they say; but o' my conscience it is as heavy as
lead.

CLERIMONT. Is it for me?

PORTER. To be sure it is. You are young mr. Wealthy, an't you?

CLERIMONT. The same.

PORTER. I am glad I have found you.

CLERIMONT. And so am I too, I assure you. But who sent you with this?

PORTER. A devil of a fellow that lives at one end of the world, and has
sent me to the other. Is not this a direction to you?

CLERIMONT. It is, you are quite right. Pray do you know the very civil
gentleman who sent you on this message to me?

SUBTLE. It is an acquaintance of mine, whom I happened to meet with in
my way, and as I had your notes about me, which you had received for
gaming debts, I e'en shewed them to him, and asked him if he could raise
me a little money upon them. Hum! says he, putting on his spectacles,
and looking on them, do you know the parties? Are you willing to endorse
them? With all my heart, reply'd I. Mighty well, said he, your name
to it is as good as government security; I'll get the money for you
immediately. As this man is honesty itself, I very readily accepted of
his offer; and finding him in a humour to serve me, I e'en proposed to
him the purchasing of your cloaths, and--

CLERIMONT. Oh, ho, so then this is the same man that you was speaking to
me of?

SUBTLE. The same; and as a proof of his integrity, he offered me upon
the spot twice the money for the cloaths, that the other rascal did to
whom you would have sold them.

CLERIMONT. What a happy chance! Sure this is a friend not to be
paralleled.

SUBTLE. Not in this wicked world, indeed. I positively do not know his
equal, unless it is myself.

CLERIMONT. Well observ'd, honest Subtle. How shall I ever be able to
repay the services thou hast done me?

PORTER. Faith, gentlemen, you talk here very much at your ease, and
never think that I am ready to drop under my burthen.

SUBTLE. 'Odso! let us ease this poor devil of his load.

CLERIMONT. With all my heart.--Here, my lad, is something for thee to
drink.

PORTER. Gentlemen, I return you many thanks, I am now as light as a
feather, and can jump like a grasshopper. [_Exit_ Porter.


SCENE V.


SUBTLE. Come now let us reckon the bags. One, two, three, four, five,
and six: an hundred pounds each; these contain the money for your
cloaths. Now for the rest: Here are twelve more of an hundred and fifty
each, and a small one of fifty; this is the money for your notes.

CLERIMONT. Good God, what a sum of ready money is here all on a sudden!
Well, I hope fortune is at length weary of persecuting me, and here is
enough to indulge myself to the height of my wishes, if I was so
disposed.

SUBTLE. Bravo! my dear master, Bravo! Let us indulge ourselves. Sing old
Rose and burn the Bellows. We may now take our swing of pleasure, to
repay us for all our past sufferings. A little ready money for the
present, will stop your creditors' mouths, and we may enjoy the rest.
What says my Cresus, my emperor of a master!

CLERIMONT. And is this the advice you give me?

SUBTLE. Is it not what you like?

CLERIMONT. Like? infamous wretch! Know that my misfortunes have taught
me wisdom; they have restored me to my reason, and I thank heaven I can
now at once detest my past follies, and thy poisonous councils.

SUBTLE. My God! are you in earnest?

CLERIMONT. In earnest! I know not what prevents me from giving thee a
convincing proof of it; and was it not for the remembrance of some
services thou hast done me, I would drive thee from my presence this
instant.

SUBTLE. [_Coughing vehemently._] Ay, here is my cursed cough come
again!----Well, sir, since you are so greatly reformed, I am very
willing to follow your example: we will henceforward live the lives of
hermits; however in the mean time I'll take these bags up into your
chamber, that you may dispose of them in the most moral manner you may
think proper.

CLERIMONT. Take these bags, and carry them to my father's room, that he
may find them there at his return; it is the least restitution I can
make him for the immense trouble and expence I have cost him. This
supply, small as it is, may perhaps minister to his present wants.

SUBTLE. Mighty well----but pray how are you and I to live?

CLERIMONT. By the crumbs that fall from his table, if he should not
think me worthy of a place there.

SUBTLE. But again, how will you satisfy those four creditors of your's,
who have each an action against you? You will not be able to stir over
the threshold.

CLERIMONT. Well, then I will keep my chamber, and amuse myself with
books: reading is the cordial of the wretched.

SUBTLE. Very true, but let us read romances then. I protest you amaze
me. [_Here he sneezes very loud._]

CLERIMONT. What, at it again?

SUBTLE. Lord, sir, your moralizing has got up into my head.

CLERIMONT. I hear some one coming; see who it is. It may be my father.
[_Going._

SUBTLE. No, no, come back, it is only Tom.


SCENE VI.

_Enter a_ FOOTMAN.


SUBTLE. Well, Tom, what have you got there?

TOM. A suit of cloaths for mr. Clerimont.

CLERIMONT. Whence had you them?

TOM They were given me sir, to deliver to you.

CLERIMONT. By whom?

TOM. By one mr.----mr.----upon my soul I have forgot his name now.

SUBTLE. Lord bless me, it is my friend that I was speaking of to you,
sir!----This is a piece of gallantry of his.

CLERIMONT. For which I am obliged to you, I dare say.

SUBTLE. And for much more, than you know. Come, come dress yourself
quick.

CLERIMONT. Now I shall be compleatly happy.

SUBTLE. You say truer than you imagine. You may go, Tom. [_Exit_
Footman.


SCENE VII.

CLERIMONT. [_Putting on the cloaths._] Now, my dear Isabella, I shall be
able to obey your charming summons----blest chance!----But what is this
in the pocket?

SUBTLE. [_Smiling._] Nay, look at it.

CLERIMONT. By all that's good, my pocket-book! How the devil came it
here?

SUBTLE. You put it there yourself, I suppose.

CLERIMONT. I did so, I remember it now.----Well, faith I am a very
heedless fellow.

SUBTLE. An oracle could not speak more true. If any one has opened it,
they will have found some very edifying anecdotes.

CLERIMONT. [_Opening his pocket-book._] I must burn all these papers.

SUBTLE. That would be a pity----however, before you condemn them to the
flames, read them once more over.

CLERIMONT. [_Examining the Papers._] Good God, what do I see! These are
not letters.--Hum--A discharge from Tinsel! Ditto, from Ragout! Ditto,
from Selvedge, and ditto from Fashion. Can I believe my eyes! By all
that's good here are others too from every one of my creditors without
exception. Is this a dream, or is it reality? My dear Subtle, tell me
whether am I waking or sleeping?

SUBTLE. Faith if you are asleep, I am so too, for I see the same things
as you do.

CLERIMONT. But to whom in the name of fortune, am I obliged for so
astonishing a----

SUBTLE. To the same person who paid for your cloaths.

CLERIMONT. Tell me who it is this moment, that I may run and throw
myself at his feet.

SUBTLE. His name is----

CLERIMONT. What?

SUBTLE. Mr.----

CLERIMONT. Mr. who?----

SUBTLE. Why do you know a certain gentleman, they call----

CLERIMONT. Call what?

SUBTLE. Mr. Wealthy.

CLERIMONT. My father?

SUBTLE. [_Singing and dancing._] 'Tis he! 'Tis he! 'Tis he!

CLERIMONT. I know it now!----what surprise!----what joy!----what
confusion!----Support me, Subtle!--I am unable to bear this conflict of
tumultuous passions: Oh! [_Faints._]

SUBTLE. Mercy on us! he is in a swoon I believe. Help there, for
heaven's sake, leave your lurking-holes, gentlemen, and come to my
assistance.


SCENE VIII.

_Enter_ WEALTHY _and_ TRUMAN, _running in_.


WEALTHY. Good heavens what do I see! my son in this condition.

SUBTLE. Alas! we have killed him, in endeavouring to save him.

TRUMAN. Clerimont look up, your father is here, who loves you dearer
than ever.

CLERIMONT. [_Opening his eyes._] Oh! Father! The sight of you distracts
me.

WEALTHY. Say not so, my boy! say not so, I am still ready to shew myself
a tender parent.

CLERIMONT. [_Throwing himself on his knees to his father._] Oh, sir, I
am unworthy of your goodness.

WEALTHY. You are no longer so; rise, Clerimont, rise, and come to my
arms! [_Lifting him up._]

CLERIMONT. This excess of goodness overwhelms me with confusion: you,
sir, may pardon me, but I can never forgive myself.

WEALTHY. Let what has passed be for ever bury'd in oblivion, and let us
only think of the future happiness we shall enjoy.

SUBTLE. Well, gentlemen, have I discharged my trust, think you?

TRUMAN. Thy zeal and address cannot be too much rewarded.

CLERIMONT. Excellent rogue! in thus deceiving me, thou hast conferred
the greatest of obligations on me; for I can no longer doubt that you
acted in concert with my father and mr. Truman.

SUBTLE. Nay, sir, do not lavish too many encomiums on me. This gentleman
was my sole directer. [_Pointing to_ Truman.]

CLERIMONT. I shall not attempt to express my gratitude to you, sir, for
no words can speak the feelings of my heart.

TRUMAN. [_Embracing him._] I am overpaid by the joy your happy change
gives me. I founded my hopes on the goodness of your heart, and I have
not been deceived.

WEALTHY. In mr. Truman, Clerimont, you behold the pattern of a true
friend. Both you and I are indebted to him for the happiness of our
lives. But, my dear boy, if you would crown my felicity, it must be by
entering into the married state. I have made choice of a person, who, I
am persuaded, is every way a suitable match for you; and, in this
choice, your own heart will, I am persuaded, concur.

CLERIMONT. Ah, sir! have I not ruined you? Isabella, you know, is as
destitute of a fortune as myself; and, in making her my wife, I shall
only make her miserable.

TRUMAN. You say right; I have thought of this matter myself, and have
found a wife for you, who will bring a fortune with her equal to your
rank and merit.

WEALTHY. And I expect you will give her your hand without hesitation.

CLERIMONT. Sir, you shall be obey'd; but your son can never survive this
sacrifice of his inclinations. I cannot live without the possession of
Isabella.

WEALTHY. Why, that is the very person we intend for you.

CLERIMONT. Intend Isabella for me! and with a fortune!

TRUMAN. Yes, yes; I will take upon me to provide her a portion. She
shall bring you five thousand pounds.

CLERIMONT. What amazing generosity!

SUBTLE. In good faith, this is going further than I expected.

WEALTHY. I have the like sum in the bank; and both together, will make
you a very handsome fortune.

CLERIMONT. This happy reverse is too much to bear! Oh father! Oh, mr.
Truman! [_Leaning upon_ Subtle's _shoulder_.]

WEALTHY. Behave as my son, Clerimont, and bear your fortune like a man.

SUBTLE. Courage, my dear master! we need no longer be in fear of
bailiffs or their followers; you know you have a letter of licence.

WEALTHY _and_ TRUMAN _laughing_. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

CLERIMONT. Traitor! what a trick have you play'd me! I no longer wonder
at your mighty courage.

SUBTLE. Oh, sir, it always shews itself where there is no danger.

CLERIMONT. Well, well; but you topt your part with mr. Solomon?

TRUMAN. Not a syllable of what he told you of that affair was truth. I
redeemed the jewels out of his hands.

CLERIMONT. Well, I must confess I have been a great dupe.

SUBTLE. However, I hope you will allow that I have a fertile
imagination.

CLERIMONT. Sirrah! sirrah! if I was not so happy as I am, I could find
in my heart to strangle thee.


SCENE the Last.

_Enter_ ISABELLA _and_ LUCY.


WEALTHY. Isabella, come forward.

CLERIMONT. How! Has she too been a witness to all that has passed?

LUCY. Yes, yes; we have heard all, I assure you; and are far from
repenting of our curiosity.

TRUMAN. I had given them their stations.

CLERIMONT. How happy am I not to have suffered any folly to escape me!

WEALTHY. Now, Isabella, you are convinc'd that my son loves you. You
have been so generous to own, that you have no dislike to him. Take him,
then, without hesitation, for he is truly worthy of you. Come, my dear
children, give me your hands, that I may join them. Isabella, here is
your husband; and, may all-gracious Providence make you as happy as a
fond parent can wish you!

CLERIMONT. [_To_ Isabella.] And do you really accept my hand without
repugnance?

ISABELLA. [_Smiling._] I think I shew no great backwardness.

WEALTHY. And, as for Lucy----

SUBTLE. Now for it----

WEALTHY. I think she ought not to be dissuaded from her call.

SUBTLE. For a husband, I presume, you mean, sir?

WEALTHY. What say you, Lucy?

LUCY. Sir--it is not fit for me to speak before my betters.

WEALTHY. Well, I understand you; and therefore I will bestow a brace of
hundreds on thee for a portion.

TRUMAN. And give me leave to add the like sum, if Lucy will accept of
it.

LUCY. Oh, sir, most willingly.

SUBTLE. Lucy, make a handsome compliment, now, for you and me.

LUCY. Nay, pr'ythee, take that upon thyself; my imagination is not so
very fruitful.

WEALTHY. There is no need of thanks. I am sufficiently happy, in having
found a long lost son returned, and worthy of my tenderness.----Let us
in, and celebrate the happy occasion.----


END of the REFORMED RAKE.




TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE




The text is drawn from:


 THE COMIC THEATRE.
 BEING A FREE TRANSLATION Of all the Best FRENCH COMEDIES.
 BY
 SAMUEL FOOTE, Esq. and Others.
 VOL. III,
 LONDON, MDCCLXX

The implication from the context is that it is a play by Marivaux.
However, closer inspection shows that in fact, it is a translation
of _Le jeune homme a l'épreuve_ by Philippe Néricault Destouches
(1680-1754). Comparison with the original shows that Act IV Scene 1 was
omitted from the translation. This resulted in the scenes in Act IV
being wrongly counted: the count goes from IV, 1 to IV, 3. Additionally,
one minor speaking role (TOM) is unlisted.

Contemporary spellings have been retained, even where not consistent
(e.g. surprise / surprize, pr'ythee / pry'thee). This includes use of
lower case for titles such as Mr., Miss, Mrs., etc. Missing punctuation
has been added, including the occasional apostrophe. In a couple of
instances, the same word appears twice, once at the end of a line, and
then again at the beginning of the next. These doubles have been deleted
without comment. In a very few instances, obvious misspellings have been
corrected, e.g. "bark" for "bartk".

The following substantive changes have been made:

Act II, scene 2:

 the final "s" was added to "convinces" in:
 "but your words carry an air of truth that convinces me;"

Act IV, scene 1:

  "is" was changed to "it" in:

  "And, indeed, that it will be rather serving than deceiving him."

Act IV, scene 1

"Worthy" was changed to "Wealthy" in "_Exeunt_ Truman _and_ Wealthy"
at the very end of the scene.

Act V scene 1:

"he" was changed to "she" in the following speech, since, from the
context, Truman is clearly referring to Isabella:

  Truman
  Right; then mr. Wealthy and I, and perhaps Isabella too (For I
  think it is proper she should be of the party)...


[The end of _The Generous Artifice, or, The Reformed Rake_ by Philippe Néricault Destouches]