* A Distributed Proofreaders Canada Ebook * This ebook is made available at no cost and with very few restrictions. These restrictions apply only if (1) you make a change in the ebook (other than alteration for different display devices), or (2) you are making commercial use of the ebook. If either of these conditions applies, please check with an FP administrator before proceeding. This work is in the Canadian public domain, but may be under copyright in some countries. If you live outside Canada, check your country's copyright laws. IF THE BOOK IS UNDER COPYRIGHT IN YOUR COUNTRY, DO NOT DOWNLOAD OR REDISTRIBUTE THIS FILE. Title: Pictures by Phil May Author: May, Phil [May, Philip William] (1864-1903) Editor: Anonymous Date of first publication: May 1907 Edition used as base for this ebook: London and Glasgow: Gowans & Gray, January 1908 (third printing) Date first posted: 7 February 2009 Date last updated: 17 June 2014 Faded Page ebook#20090207 This ebook was produced by: David Edwards, Rénald Lévesque & the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries HUMOROUS MASTERPIECES, NO. 5 PICTURES BY PHIL MAY Printed by Robert MacLehose and Co. Ltd. Glasgow. COSTERS AND COCKNEYS [Illustration: 'APPY 'AMPSTEAD. "Ere y'are, Lidies' Tormentors. 'Two' a penny!"] PICTURES BY PHIL MAY GOWANS & GRAY, Ltd. 5 ROBERT STREET, ADELPHI, LONDON, W. C. 58 Cadogan Street, Glasgow 1908 _First Edition, May, 1907._ _Reprinted, June, 1907, January, 1908 (completing 16,000)._ _The Publishers take this opportunity of thanking Messrs. W. Thacker & Co. for the readiness with which they accorded permission for the reproduction of the drawings contained in this little book. They believe that these examples of Phil May's work show that inimitable artist at his best._ [Illustration: "I 'ear as you don't walk hout with 'Arry Smith any more." "No, 'e wanted me to meet 'im incandescently, and I wouldn't do such a thing, so I chucked 'im."] [Illustration: _'Arriet._--"Ow! I s'y, look at 'is bloomin' 'At."] [Illustration: "Wot's th' row up the Court, Bill?" "Bob Smith was kissing my missus, and 'is old woman caught 'im."] [Illustration: One Easter Monday. _'Arriet (watching the funeral of 'Liza)._--"Nice sort of a Bank 'Oliday for 'er, poor dear."] [Illustration: "What price this for Margit."] [Illustration: _Fat Party (after a war of words)._--"If you come down our court to-morrer and bring a bit o' fat with yer, I'll bloomin' well eat yer."] [Illustration: "Ow I s'y, look at 'er frills. Got 'erself hup like a bloomin' 'am bone!"] [Illustration: "Do you want a Muddle, Sir."] [Illustration: _First R.A. (who hates to be interrupted in his hobby, but is doing his best to be polite)._--"Done any work to-day?" _Second R.A._--"No, confound it. That stupid ass Brown came to the studio and talked all the afternoon,--couldn't do a stroke of work. What do _you_ do when some idiot comes and interrupts your work?" _First R.A._--"Oh, I go on weeding."] [Illustration: "Come and 'ave a Cup of Tea, Mrs. Malony, it's the hanniversary of my Weddin' Day. I'm sorry my old man won't be there, 'cos e's just got a Month for knocking me about."] [Illustration: Fraternity. "(Hic) Can't help you, ole f'la, but I'll sit down with you (hic)."] [Illustration: "Mos' 'tronary thing! a'most shertain th'was shome Coffee in it."] [Illustration: VIRGIN VINEGAR] [Illustration] [Illustration: It must have been Awful. _Mrs. Baggs (after receiving tornado of abuse from over the road)._--"Well, I never 'eard sich Langwidge in all my life. I never was called s'ch Names before. Even my own 'usband doesn't call me sich Names."] [Illustration: "By the way, when does your American Tour come off?" "Oh, not for about a Year." "Well, let's go in here and have a Drink before you go."] [Illustration: _Urchin (to companion over the way)._--"Ow would _that_ suit yer, Bill?"] [Illustration: "Did you go to Smith's burying?" "Yes, I _did_, an' a measly affair it was. _Tea_ and Bread and Butter! I've buried two 'usbands, but, thank goodness, I buried 'em both with Seedy Cake an' 'Am Sandwiches."] [Illustration: "I want you to take me to St. John's Wood, Cabbie." "All right, sir, but would you mind getting in on the other side so as the old horse don't see yer."] [Illustration: "I don't so much mind your sneaking my Pewters, but when it comes to bringing 'em back in the shape of 'arf crowns it's a bit too much."] [Illustration: _Bill Snooks (reading from a fashion paper)._--"To be really well dressed a man's clothes should have the appearance of having been worn once or twice.' What _O_!"] [Illustration] [Illustration: "What's 'e done, Guv'nor?"] [Illustration: (Hic!) Jacet.] [Illustration: _The Mayor of Middle Wallop (who is interested in the decoration of new theatre)._--"Oo's that gentleman you're painting?" _Artist._--"That is William Shakespeare." _The M. of M. W._--"'As 'e ever done anything for Middle Wallop?" _Artist._--"No, Sir, not that I'm aware of." _The M. of M. W._--"Then paint 'im out and paint Me in."] [Illustration: _Bailiff (who has been well treated and settled with)._--"Well, good-bye, sir. See you again 'soon,' sir, I 'ope!"] [Illustration: "Nuts for the Monkeys, Sir?"] [Illustration: _American Million Heiress._--"And have you _really_ got a coronet?" _Lord Hardup._--"Well--ah--yes--at least--I mean--I've got the ticket."] [Illustration: _Visitor to Lunatic Asylum._--"Is that Clock right?" _The Dotty One._--"O' course it ain't, or it wouldn't be _here_."] [Illustration: _Visitor to Lunatic Asylum which is undergoing structural improvements (to harmless lunatic who is extremely busy wheeling barrow upside down)._--"You ought to turn that barrow the other way up!" _Harmless Lunatic (knowingly)._--"I did yesterday, _but_ they put Bricks in it."] [Illustration: Dottyville. _Inmate to new arrival._--"What, _you_ mad _too_? _So_ glad."] [Illustration: _Condoling Friend (to recently Bereaved Widower)._--"It must be awfully hard to lose one's Wife." _The Bereaved._--"Yes,----it's almost _impossible_."] [Illustration: _Wife (to Lion Tamer who has been out late)._--"You Coward!"] [Illustration: _Sol Jacobs (to his friend the proprietor of the boat who has fallen overboard, and has come to the surface for the second time)._--"I thay, Ikey, if yer don't come up again may I keep the Boat?"] [Illustration: "What 'ave you got in dem boddles, Ikey?" "Dem ain't boddles, dem's fire extinguishers." "Garn, you ain't afraid of a bit of a fire." "No, but I gets ten per cent off the Insurance Company for having dem about." "What's in 'em." "I don't know what _was_ in 'em but there's _kerosene_ in 'em now!"] [Illustration: "I must congratulate you, Mothes, dot vos a grandt fire of yours last Tuesday." "Vat yer mean?--Not _last_ Tuesday, _next_ Tuesday."] [Illustration: _Moses (generously)._--"'Ave a Thigar, Ikey?" _Ikey (suspiciously)._--"Vat's the matter vith it?"] [Illustration: "Good Morning, Miss Voss." "My name is not Voss. It never Voss and never vill be."] [Illustration: _Solomon (who has had a terriffic bang on the nose from his friend)._--"Do it again. Do it again. I can thee Diamonts!!!"] [Illustration: "Father, I've thwallered a thoverign, and how am I to make the books balance? You thee, I'm a pound in and a pound out."] [Illustration: In a Garrison Town. _First Loafer to Second Ditto (as our friends from the Circus pass by)._--"Officers!"] [Illustration: The Game of "Buttons." _Winner (to the ruined one)._--"Well, dash it all, old man, if you _will_ go in for this sort of thing you must _expect_ to lose a Button or two."] [Illustration: _Uncle John._--"Well, Bobby, how did you manage to get out so soon?" _Bobby._--"Leg before, Uncle."] [Illustration: "You never know your Luck." "Hi! come back, yer Silly! Do yer want to spile yer Luck?"] [Illustration: "My Father 'e once caught a Fish as big--as our Street!" "Well, then, it must 'ave bin a _Whale_." "Garn, 'e were baitin' wi' _Whales_!"] [Illustration: "Why don't we have Open-Air Cafés? So pleasant to take one's refreshment in the open air."--(_Vide newspapers._)] [Illustration: "Do you want a errand boy?" "No." "Yus you do, yours 'as just been runned over."] [Illustration: "Don't 'e make a gawd of 'is Stummick? Why, that's the _second_ a'porth I've seed 'im 'ave this mornin'!"] [Illustration: "You Naughty Boy, you'll fall over!"] [Illustration:----!----!----!] [Illustration: "'Taint so long ago, Willium, since you an' me was the dandies of Deal!"] [Illustration: _Scene--Scarboro'. Time--Sunday morning. Very muddy. Inhabitant._--"Be thoo a strong mon?" _Amateur weight-lifter (rather proud that his fame has spread so far)._--"Well, yes, my friend. I do a little in that way." _Inhabitant._--"I'll lay thee a fiver, I'll put thee on thy back in t' muck."] [Illustration: _Lodging-House Keeper (to Professional Lady)._--"Which my 'usband, Miss, is one of the Virgins at the Cathedral!"] [Illustration: "I heard as how you've been fighting with Bob Smith?" "Yus. He said my Sister was cross-eyed." "But you haven't got a Sister?" "I know that. It was the Principle o' the thing that upset Me."] [Illustration: _Stout Party._--"And can't I get to X--- without walking?" _Porter._--"Well, there's the Coal Train, Mum." _Stout Party._--"How Much will it cost Me?" _Porter._--"Seven Shillings a Ton!"] [Illustration: "Have you got change for a Threepenny-piece, Adolphus? I want to give the Porter a gratuity."] [End of _Pictures by Phil May_ by Phil May]